uniqueone Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Ick...why did I just make a date? I haven't met anyone in what...months? I've had plenty contact me but none I've had enough interest in. Then there were two I had some interest in recently and one disappeared after one email. The second one I've talked to and he wanted to meet me earlier this week and I told him I couldn't but that maybe another time would work. So he called tonight and asked when would be a good time to meet. I said I couldn't tomorrow but maybe Friday but not straight after work or maybe Saturday late afternoon or early evening. He said Saturday wouldn't work so how about Friday. (UGH...why did I say Saturday? Or even Friday for that matter? I think I just made myself look like a loser who has no weekend plans). I hate this whole stupid image thing....you know....how I'm supposed to make them think I have this busy calendar and all..... I DO have a busy calendar, but it doesnt' involve other people so it's pretty flexible and doesn't involve commitments for weekends...which is why I'm available. Then towards the end of the conversation, when we were planning where to meet and stuff, my phone dies...twice. My cell phone signal sucks inside my house lately. I think someone moved a sattelite. So now I'm thinking...what in the **** did I just do? If I go meet this guy and he's not interested, I'm going to end up feeling like **** which I don't need right now. Why am I even on the personals.....?
shadowplay Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I say go. The last time I was in your situation, seriously tempted to not go on a date because I wasn't that interested and I thought I couldn't handle any potential rejection...my friend convinced me to go, and I'm glad I did. Because I ended up falling fo the guy and we're now together. So you never know...
Kamille Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Ah shucks, I was super excited to read you had finally made a date and then I had to roll my eyes when: Ick...why did I just make a date? ? so here: Go on the date and have fun. You already know he is interested enough to insist on taking you out. And if his interest wanes, hey, he's only one guy. Met on the personals. Potentially a new friend.
Author uniqueone Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 I say go. The last time I was in your situation, seriously tempted to not go on a date because I wasn't that interested and I thought I couldn't handle any potential rejection...my friend convinced me to go, and I'm glad I did. Because I ended up falling fo the guy and we're now together. So you never know... LOL....I remember being in the same situation several years ago. I DIDN'T really want to meet the guy....I was still upset over a previous guy. I remember sittng there outside of the place we were supposed to meet. He was running late and I swear I was saying to myself "There's still time for me to go home." and I thought of bailing. Then he showed up and damn he was cute.....middle 40's but had a six pack and I don't mean of Budweiser either... Smart, funny and good career too. We ended up in in a relationship. Turned out he was a commitmentphobe though and eventually it ended but we're still friends (and he's never had a relationship since) Okay...but that worked because he liked me. What if he hadn't? I would have felt even worse. That's the problem here.
shadowplay Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 LOL....I remember being in the same situation several years ago. I DIDN'T really want to meet the guy....I was still upset over a previous guy. I remember sittng there outside of the place we were supposed to meet. He was running late and I swear I was saying to myself "There's still time for me to go home." and I thought of bailing. Then he showed up and damn he was cute.....middle 40's but had a six pack and I don't mean of Budweiser either... Smart, funny and good career too. We ended up in in a relationship. Turned out he was a commitmentphobe though and eventually it ended but we're still friends (and he's never had a relationship since) Okay...but that worked because he liked me. What if he hadn't? I would have felt even worse. That's the problem here. Yeah, but that's the risk you always face. No good things will happen unless you risk rejection. Sure, you'll feel worse afterwards but that feeling will be temporary. In the end I think it will actually improve your self esteem to go on this date no matter the outcome becaue you're pushing yourself to do something scary.
Author uniqueone Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Ah shucks, I was super excited to read you had finally made a date and then I had to roll my eyes when: Originally Posted by uniqueone Ick...why did I just make a date? ? But there's never a dull moment, is there? Go on the date and have fun. You already know he is interested enough to insist on taking you out. And if his interest wanes, hey, he's only one guy. Met on the personals. Potentially a new friend. Thanks for the thought but that's not really how the real world works. If they don't like how you look, they don't want to be your friend. That's how guys usually work. And yeah, he's only one guy but remember, I found one that I was interested enough to meet, so it's not like there's plenty more where he came from. I can't say that I'm even that thrilled about him at this point BUT....if I get rejected....I'm probably not even going to want to meet anyone after that.....
Author uniqueone Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 In the end I think it will actually improve your self esteem to go on this date no matter the outcome becaue you're pushing yourself to do something scary. My rollerblade wheel got stuck tonight while I was zooming along and I almost fell....doesn't that count?
shadowplay Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Just wanted to add the best approach I've found is to take rejection in stride, even expect it. Desensitize yourself. That way your self worth won't feel so fragile and dependent on the whims of others.
Author uniqueone Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Just wanted to add the best approach I've found is to take rejection in stride, even expect it. Desensitize yourself. That way your self worth won't feel so fragile and dependent on the whims of others. I totally agree. I just don't think this is a good time for this in my case.
Kamille Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I totally agree. I just don't think this is a good time for this in my case. Why not? What's going on Unique?
shadowplay Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I totally agree. I just don't think this is a good time for this in my case. Lol..I always give myself that excuse. But when is ever a good time, really? Life doesn't wait around. You really should take this opportunity.
Replicant Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I think I just made myself look like a loser who has no weekend plans). I hate this whole stupid image thing....you know....how I'm supposed to make them think I have this busy calendar and all..... Would it not be less attractive to meet someone whom says 'I'm always so busy, but let me see if i can squeeze you in for a date...sometime this month NO! don't say weekends they're always booked' But seriously, who do you have to prove anything to but yourself!? Who cares if you didn't have plans for the weekend, i don't see how that makes you a loser either!?
shadowplay Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I totally agree. I just don't think this is a good time for this in my case. Honestly, I saw your picture when you posted it on that thread and you're very attractive...you have nothing to worry about. Also, you're clearly quite intelligent and articulate. If this guy doesn't like you, his loss.
Author uniqueone Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Btw, today I changed my main profile picture to one of the other ones that I have uploaded on my personals ad. The main picture on an ad is the one that draws in viewers attention. All of a sudden I'm getting a bunch of messages again. The whole thing is SOOOOOO looks-dependent.....I don't care what anyone says. Thing is, the picture I put was from earlier this year. I look a little different now...my hair's a little different. When I use the pictures that are recent as my main picture, I don't get as many responses. I'm not sure if it's the "look" change or the persona they perceive in the different looks. In some pictures I look more natural. In some I'm more dressy and am told I have a sexy look. So when I have the "dressy, sexy" picture up as the main one and I get a lot of responses, my reaction to that is "Ohhhh....they're wanting HER". lol....I know that sounds funny, doesn't it? Thing is, I can BE "her", but I don't really go around as "her" on a regular basis. But from the amount of emails that I get, it seems like they want "her". Just a weird observation I made today.
Author uniqueone Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Honestly, I saw your picture when you posted it on that thread and you're very attractive...you have nothing to worry about. Also, you're clearly quite intelligent and articulate. If this guy doesn't like you, his loss. Thanks....you're a sweetie. Thing is, he's articulate, successful, attractive....and.....those are in short supply in men here......soooooo.....he's probably got the advantage. I would say that there are probably more of those like me here than there are of those like him here.
Author uniqueone Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Would it not be less attractive to meet someone whom says 'I'm always so busy, but let me see if i can squeeze you in for a date...sometime this month NO! don't say weekends they're always booked' But seriously, who do you have to prove anything to but yourself!? Who cares if you didn't have plans for the weekend, i don't see how that makes you a loser either!? Because we tend to value those people more who are in demand. Ever see a bunch of people flocking by a sale counter in a store? You usually have to go take a peek at what they're looking at, don't you? Something is in demand and you don't want to miss out on it. And, sadly, it could be used shoes in that display bin and yet, just because 50 people are trying to grab them, chances are you will too because if THEY'RE taking them, you're thinking that there MUST be something valuable to them. Marketers thrive on this phenomenon.
Author uniqueone Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Why not? What's going on Unique? Some things I've posted about....some things I haven't.
Replicant Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 If you meet guys while on the trail blading. Why not just date them!? Go out for dinner then something more adventurous after, go blading on the halfpipe as a couple At least you'll know if he's capable of doing a 180 and walking away
Author uniqueone Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Oh and lest anyone think that I'm turning down all of these decent looking, intelligent men when I say that I don't find many that I'm interested in, let me clarify...... My preferences are: One chin and one chin only. This one is very hard to come by gleaning from the profiles that I receive. And covering up additional chins with a goatee does not reduce the chin count. The ability to speak and write the English language. Another one seemingly difficult to find in the messages that I receive. Yes, grammar counts with me. Even if you didn't like school, at least you could have paid attention to "Grammar Rock" between the cartoons on Saturday mornings...... Not looking like you could be my father and/or my son. Nuff said. No small children. I've well adapted to dating people with children. But never again will I date someone with small children. If a guy writes to me and his ad says "Hi, this is John and I have a four year old daughter and she's my life....." my reaction is "okey-dokey....next...." BTDT. No hugely dissimilar instersts. If a guy writes to me and his ad says "I like NASCAR, country music, four-wheelin and fishin'"........well....I'm outta there...... I also prefer educated, white collar guys. I find I have more common interests with them. I also prefer active, athletic guys. Again, common interests. So please don't think I'm turning down attractive, articulate, in shape men. Chances are, if I DO find one of those in my area, they moved here from somewhere else. And that's no lie.
Author uniqueone Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Oh and lest anyone think that I'm turning down all of these decent looking, intelligent men when I say that I don't find many that I'm interested in, let me clarify...... My preferences are: One chin and one chin only. This one is very hard to come by gleaning from the profiles that I receive. And covering up additional chins with a goatee does not reduce the chin count. The ability to speak and write the English language. Another one seemingly difficult to find in the messages that I receive. Yes, grammar counts with me. Even if you didn't like school, at least you could have paid attention to "Grammar Rock" between the cartoons on Saturday mornings...... Not looking like you could be my father and/or my son. Nuff said. No small children. I've well adapted to dating people with children. But never again will I date someone with small children. If a guy writes to me and his ad says "Hi, this is John and I have a four year old daughter and she's my life....." my reaction is "okey-dokey....next...." BTDT. No hugely dissimilar instersts. If a guy writes to me and his ad says "I like NASCAR, country music, four-wheelin and fishin'"........well....I'm outta there...... I also prefer educated, white collar guys. I find I have more common interests with them. I also prefer active, athletic guys. Again, common interests. So please don't think I'm turning down attractive, articulate, in shape men. Chances are, if I DO find one of those in my area, they moved here from somewhere else. And that's no lie.
Author uniqueone Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Oh and lest anyone think that I'm turning down all of these decent looking, intelligent men when I say that I don't find many that I'm interested in, let me clarify...... My preferences are: One chin and one chin only. This one is very hard to come by gleaning from the profiles that I receive. And covering up additional chins with a goatee does not reduce the chin count. The ability to speak and write the English language. Another one seemingly difficult to find in the messages that I receive. Yes, grammar counts with me. Even if you didn't like school, at least you could have paid attention to "Grammar Rock" between the cartoons on Saturday mornings...... Not looking like you could be my father and/or my son. Nuff said. No small children. I've well adapted to dating people with children. But never again will I date someone with small children. If a guy writes to me and his ad says "Hi, this is John and I have a four year old daughter and she's my life....." my reaction is "okey-dokey....next...." BTDT. No hugely dissimilar instersts. If a guy writes to me and his ad says "I like NASCAR, country music, four-wheelin and fishin'"........well....I'm outta there...... I also prefer educated, white collar guys. I find I have more common interests with them. I also prefer active, athletic guys. Again, common interests. So please don't think I'm turning down attractive, articulate, in shape men. Chances are, if I DO find one of those in my area, they moved here from somewhere else. And that's no lie.
Replicant Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Because we tend to value those people more who are in demand. Ever see a bunch of people flocking by a sale counter in a store? You usually have to go take a peek at what they're looking at, don't you? Something is in demand and you don't want to miss out on it. And, sadly, it could be used shoes in that display bin and yet, just because 50 people are trying to grab them, chances are you will too because if THEY'RE taking them, you're thinking that there MUST be something valuable to them. Marketers thrive on this phenomenon. True, if you want to play the game that way...but if you have to lie to make it seem like you are busy and if you actually have down time or had a free weekend makes you look not in demand is pointless to put up that kind of front whether busy or not. THAT is women! who do that in stores. Most men know what they want once they go to a store and don't really need to know what a group of people is gawking at! Yes, it may be marketed as something not to be missed, priced to sell and get it before it's gone. But to liken that to a woman is like saying get the equivalent to a cheap door crasher! But without knowing she'll break down in 3 months! So yes even marketing is a game, so applied to dating maybe in 3 months you'll be dumped because you were not what was expected from the original product. To throw a picture out on a dating site is like fishing and maybe gives more of a demand aspect like shopping in a store, but you really have no idea what you caught until it has been reeled in, and it sounds like you've been throwing many back!
Author uniqueone Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 I'm just going to lump all of this together....I don't want to start a new thread. Here's a guy who wrote to me recently telling me he thought he'd try again since he'd never heard back from me before. I didn't respond. So here it is a week later and he sends this: You have seen my photos right? I'm cute and funny. What gives? Dean Does he really think this is going to change my mind? Should I send him a message back saying "I'm not attracted to you!" Sheesh! I had another one say: I never heard back from you but saw you online. If I were him, I would have left out the part "but I saw you online". I had another recently that I told I wasn't ready to meet anyone say: "I saw that you were online still which surprised me given that you weren't up for meeting people." Guys....this is why women don't respond to men on the personals when they aren't interested. ( oops...I guess I'm getting my own thread off topic now...)
Author uniqueone Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Just got this...... Now THIS is the kind of message I LIKE to get from a guy: Please keep in mind the impossibilty of writing an introductory email to a person you've never met. And, the inevitability of anything I write sounding trite. You know it was really inconsiderate of you not to email me first and save me from this humiliating task. After all the time we've known each other, I think it was the least you could have done. Anyway, I'm through with us, this was the last straw. Sincerely, X P.S. You look and sound like a very smart, beautiful, sarcastic, genuine person, and I would love to correspond or talk. Take care and have a great day.
Sean0775 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Just got this...... Now THIS is the kind of message I LIKE to get from a guy: Please keep in mind the impossibilty of writing an introductory email to a person you've never met. And, the inevitability of anything I write sounding trite. You know it was really inconsiderate of you not to email me first and save me from this humiliating task. After all the time we've known each other, I think it was the least you could have done. Anyway, I'm through with us, this was the last straw. Sincerely, X P.S. You look and sound like a very smart, beautiful, sarcastic, genuine person, and I would love to correspond or talk. Take care and have a great day. I'm so copy/pasting this to every email I send from this point on.
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