ncpd25 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Hi All, Some of you have seen my posts about my g/f and I breaking up and how I spoke of her being dishonest with some things she told me. When we began dating, she told me she divorced 4 years ago from her husband. It wasn't until later that she told me of her boyfriend however, she told me she broke up with him several months before meeting me. I just found out today that divorce proceedings with her husband were only filed in June 2006 and the divorce was finalized at the end of August 2007!! Her ex husband actually filed the complaint against her and she was the defendant in the case. I can only imagine how that transpired. In essence, she was still going through divorce proceedings and attending court appearances while she was dating me. It kills me how she could look right into my eyes and lie through her teeth to me. Not to mention all the stuff she went on about with her recent ex boyfriend. As lousy as I was feeling about this break-up, I have a whole different view of her now. What a lying slag. Boy, when I thought I could trust her...........think again. I'm really floored (It's almost kind of comical). What a total low-life pig!! Anyway, I thought I'd share that (I had to say something, I couldn't keep it to myself!)
Author ncpd25 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 I was sitting here thinking how much I would love to send her an email and tell what I learned and how much of a lair she is. I realize it probably wouldn't matter to her but, I would really to love to try and make her cringe. I've been in NC for 5 weeks now and I don't think I want to let that go but the thought of sending an email is really tempting. Any opinions?
fabulousgal Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 i'd say no but i seem to break nc like its my job lately so who am i to give advice. but really, what will it accomplish? if you want to call her out go ahead, but don't expect anything other than an bicker fest.
Author ncpd25 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Hi Fab, I'm quite confident I won't make contact with her. It was just the initial thought of throwing it in her face. She probably thinks she got over on me. She sorta did as I believed her when we were together (I had no reason not to trust her). Of course, it would be a cold day in h*** before I would ever even think of getting back with her. At this point, I feel fortunate to be rid of her. I can't even imagine dating somebody like that, let alone spending my life with such a person. I'll tell you, she was good at lying, she wouldn't even flinch when she lied and she came across as being so genuine and sincere. I honestly feel she's a total mess. Everything I wrote about her in my other threads and now this. Seems her entire life is a lie. As I said, I've gone 5 weeks, I'm not going to give that up. She's not worth it. Thanks for the input!!
Zona76 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 LOL Reminds me of MY ex. I paid for the divorce he didn't contest. He'd been putting off telling his GF reasons why he couldn't provide her the divorce papers... He finally contacted me via email to mail a photo copy. Okay... and all the dates aren't going to coinside... (the reason he never got a copy was he refused to provide the post office with a change of address) *Bill Collectors* See, she wasn't going to let him move in till he could provide proof of divorce. Which in actuality he was wanting to move in with her as soon as I kicked him out! NCPD I sympathies with you. But glad you caught on. It's called compulsive lying. It never changes. And they have this knack of making you feel guilty for not believing them.
Zona76 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I would not be tempted to contact her. She lied to you repeatedly and lies were told again to cover the ones you uncovered. I can tell you what she should have done. Rather than tell a lie she should have omitted saying anything. But that too in itself would have been a lie right? And you can ask a mod to remove the multiple posts.
Author ncpd25 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Hi Zona, To be quite honest, I never pegged her to be a compulsive liar(boy, was I wrong). Seems each time she told me something, she always had, what seemed to be a legitimate reason (I guess she's a pro). The other odd thing is, she's appears very naive. Her recent ex boyfriend, who was (is) with before me had told her that he had been dating another woman behind her back but, he never slept with her. My ex bought it. When he went to her house 5 days before, she left ended up leaving me, she told me he explained why he lied and cheated on her. She told me she understood why he did what he did and she felt sorry for him. She said she doesn't care about him but is concerned that he is O.K. Her ex b/f went through a divorce as well, as he cheated on his wife (probably with my ex). I also think, her ex husband filed for divorce due to her cheating on him(pure spectulation). Yeah, it feels strange finding this stuff out. I'm not mad. I actually laughed a bit when I found out. I think I'm O.K. with it as she's nothing but a train wreck. I've seen train wrecks when I was a cop, not a pretty sight. I almost feel sad for her. She really is lost with a lot of emotional garbage floating around in her head and soul. I dated a girl who asked me for $5000.00/month so she could maitain her lifestyle (of course I didn't give it to her) but at least she was honest. Materialistic but honest. My ex doesn't have an ounce of integrity within her. Thanks for the post, I appreciate you sharing your story!!
Spinderella Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I've met some compulsive liars in my time and I know how frustrating it is. They also had the ability to look you in the eye, and lie very quickly too. Theres no point in an email, I think they lie to themselves as much as anyone else anyway. Well, at least thats another thing to add to your criteria list!
Author ncpd25 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Hi Spind, Good to hear fom you, as always. I agree that she is lying to herself as well, in many ways. I've received a lot of advice and opinions from everybody here, friends and a therapist. I've drawn the conclusion that she is a very unhappy, lost soul and she doesn't know what to do with herself. I mean, she allegedly seperated (obviously not divorced) from her husband 4 years ago, started dating this other guy immediately, who lied and cheated on her, broke up with him, started dating me and just finalized her divorce. I don't know if it's true or not but, I've been told that even if time has passed, once a divorce is "official", it still has an adverse effect in that maybe, she feels like a failure?? Is this true? I wasn't sure as I was under the impresion (I won't say for sure anymore) she had been living on her own for a while now, so maybe she was O.K. with the divorce being over and done with. As I said before, her ex husband filed the complaint against her, she was the defendant. I have a feeling she may have been cheating on her husband (that would seem to fit her mold). And yes, Spind, that is another one to put on my criteria list. I think that one was always there. If there's one thing I despise, it's somebody who does what she did. I'm not talking about minor lies. Seems she was living this lie to either escape or make herself feel better? Thanks again Spind!!
sedgwick Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Wow...why couldn't she be honest with you? That makes no sense. How did you find out she was lying? Okay...and now to be the English teacher...it's "BALD-faceD" liar. Bold face= type. < / OCD >
Ali4134 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Vent it all out. She's a real winner that one. I think maybe she was wearing her bad idea jeans.
Author ncpd25 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Hi Sedgwick, The way I found out she was lying was I questioned her integrity immediately after we broke up. Three days before, she was pouring her heart out to me and three days later, she said, she wasn't in love with me and she didn't care for me. I questioned her breaking up with her boyfriend and when it occurred. She originally said they broke up 7 or 8 months earlier. She didn't appear troubled about the break-up and seemed she moved on from it. She said she had. I still questioned some things she had previously said to me. While working one day, I was trying out a reconstructed website for the State Court System (I'm a Fraud Investigator now). I didn't have any backgrounds that I needed to run and I couldn't run my name as I have no tickets or court records. As a goof, I decided to run the Circuit Court system for civil records and I ran my exes name (for her divorce). Due to her telling me, it was 4 years ago, I thought it would be an archived case but, I didn't show up. I thought it was weird. Anyway, I ran her name through the civil records current cases. Sure enough, her and her ex husbands name popped up and showed the case was filed in June 2006 and was concluded on Aug.22, 2007. I just about fell over, then I think I laughed (not sure why). She had 2 court dates when we were dating. I'm not concerned that she wasn't divorced yet, I was concerned about her compulsive lying. So here she is, looking straight into my eyes telling me she divorced 4 years ago and the case wasn't even filed until only 1 1/2 years ago (almost). She had court dates for crying out loud and she still lied to me and didn't even flinch or bat an eyelash. I got my haircut today (the girl that cuts my hair is the one that set us up). I asked her when she thought my ex got divorced and she said quite a while ago, 4 or 5 years. I told her what I saw and she said "You have got to be kidding me, what a Bi**h!!! She was really upset. As a matter of fact, the last time she went to visit her mom at work, my ex was their. The girl that cuts my hair wouldn't acknowledge my ex and she told her Mom, "Keep your boss away from me". I told her a few other things and she said "She's really twisted and messed up!!" I of course, agreed. Thanks for the English tip. I sat and wondered if I was spelling it right but, didn't bother to check it!! Thanks Sedg!! Ali Yeah, she is a winner, I seem to attract them. It's like I'm a wingnut magnet!! As for her jeans, I think she may have had her self-centered, lying bi**h jeans on. I think the bad idea ones were in the laundry!!
Author ncpd25 Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 I was wondering about my question in post #9. Is it true that when a divorce is finalized, the parties involved feel as if they are failures? Even though my ex had been seperated for a while, would she feels as if she was reliving the separation and when the divorce is finalized, it hits home. I didn't know if the time being separated would alleviate that feeling or not. Any comments?
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