bertolli Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 I met this girl almost a year ago, and had been getting on with her extremely well. It was all a very relaxed relationship at first, generally meeting up when we were out socialising with our own friends, often getting fairly intimate. We ended up going on many dates, becoming very intimate, getting very close. Then, out of the blue, she mentions that she doesnt want a relationship with anyone, because she wants to be single for a while. I was pretty shocked, but told her that I wasnt really looking for a relationship and just enjoyed her company. I stayed away for a while, then eventually met up with her again. She told me later how she missed my company, and things started getting intimate again. Anyway... she basically reiterated her point about not wanting a relationship, and I told her that I was only going on the signals she was supplying me. I can safely say I am very fond of this girl, and figured I would give it some distance, but still be around as a friend. I found this pretty frustrating but decided it was a necessary evil. Next thing, I see her getting kissed by another man. I was unsure whether it was her at first, so just watched, hoping it wasnt, until they came apart. I saw them exchanging numbers. As you can imagine, this was quite a blow. She was fairly drunk, but managed to have a chat with her the next day. She put it like this, shes not looking for a boyfriend because shes unsure what she wants from her life. Shes extremely fond of me, and loves my attention. We agreed we were more than friends. She said the guy she kissed she didnt care about, but she cared about me greatly. Since that night, it feels like someone has tied barbed wire inside my chest, and I am continually thinking about what happened. It gets me very wound up. I feel I am incapable of just being normal because I feel almost continuously worked up. I like this girl a lot, I have been honest with her from the beginning - but if her fun is at the expense of my feelings, then I am lost to what to do. The problem I have is, when I am with her, and being honest, I dont feel worked up at all. I am always an optimist and feel I have a good chance with her and dont want things just slipping away. What should I do? Should I give myself distance? She likes me around, does that mean she's taking me for granted?
sao2 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 I think your next step at this stage is to play as well. Just take it as it comes and if you meet someone that you would like to date/kiss/whatever go for it, just be safe. She has made it clear that right now she is not interested in a relationship. The thing about people is that it is all well and good when you are hanging on their every move, the instant you are getting your groove on with someone else she will start getting upset about it and want "more commitment" from you.
Lee725 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I really hate to sound pessimistic for you, and mayb i might have read your post the wrong way, but it kind of sounds to me like she is taking you for granted. (like you said at the bottom of your post) She does not want to be in a relationship at the moment, but every now and then she lets you get intimate with her? It almost seems like she wants to keep you around and keep you close but does not want to commit herself to you. Be careful honey, she could just be really confused and she might step up to the plate one day and commit herself to you, but in the mean time you need to apply "self preservation", Only you can decide how far you will let the friendship stretch with her, but please dont let your heart get completely stomped on along the way.
Author bertolli Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Thanks guys, much appreciated. The main problem for me is being jealous. I have never been the jealous sort, but since she kissed someone else, all I can think about is that when I think of her. I wanted to talk things out with her this evening, say I want to place some distance for a while until I know what I want, and same for her. But when I asked, she said she was going out. Now the only thing going through my head is that she is going to see this guy. Any ideas how to get over this one? Its really eating me up, I look at me email constantly at work to see if shes emailed, and I look at my phone constantly to see if she's text. I've ended up texting her asking her where she's going just so I dont feel so crappy tonight, but I think she knows what she's playing at. I think youre both right, at the end of the day, shes twisted my trust in her to the limit, and I still like her. But I cant be dealing with this bad ache all the time - think its probably time to leave her be, see how she copes without me for a while.
tasha_982 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I don't want to put salt on the wound, but you are not in a relationship. To me it sound that you want a relationship and she doesn't. So you have a bit of conundrum here. If you keep being available for her, nothing will ever change and you will keep getting hurt; While on the other hand if you sever all contact she might completely loose interest in you. My advice would be: Act friendly, Act happy and don't let her use you (and she will try) but you MUST be strong and resist her. Then if she wants a relationship she will ask for it. Good luck.
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