BrianG Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 I know trust is not an easy thing to earn or get especially after you break it twice. I earned it back and then got comfortable in the situation and blew it again. Im not a bad person and the main reason i did it was because I have low self esteem and liked hearing other girls say good things to me. Never once acted on them. Deservingly so my gf broke up with me after 5 years. I know in all likelyhood it's over. However, you never know about the future. I have done a lot of self reflection since the break up and learning from my mistakes. I have started seeing a counselor as well as reading a lot of self improvement books because i know im not a bad person i just made some stupid mistakes/decisions and Im living with the consequences of my actions (i.e. the love of my life breaking up with me.) As anybody had experiences where they earned your trust back or vice versa and how?. I know the simple answer is being a trustworthy person Im just trying to make sure i dont make the same mistakes again with her (most likely she is never coming back) or someone in the future? I know i have been beating myself up for what i did, Im really just seeking anyones help and guidance.
Lee725 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Trust is a HUGE issue in any kind of relationship. The fact that you can admit your mistakes is a big thing and the fact that you are trying to help yourself in establishing why you do this is admirable. Many people wont admit to making mistakes. Unfortunately unless she is HIGHLY forgiving i dont know that she will come back and because you have broken her trust twice she may never trust you again. You may need to move on and take a completely different perspective with your next relationship. If you can prove yourself to be trustworthy in the future she may see this and give you another chance, but you will probably need to "prove" to yourself and her that you have changed and this can only be done with time.
Darkzen Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 I know trust is not an easy thing to earn or get especially after you break it twice. I earned it back and then got comfortable in the situation and blew it again. Im not a bad person and the main reason i did it was because I have low self esteem and liked hearing other girls say good things to me. Never once acted on them. Deservingly so my gf broke up with me after 5 years. I know in all likelyhood it's over. However, you never know about the future. I have done a lot of self reflection since the break up and learning from my mistakes. I have started seeing a counselor as well as reading a lot of self improvement books because i know im not a bad person i just made some stupid mistakes/decisions and Im living with the consequences of my actions (i.e. the love of my life breaking up with me.) As anybody had experiences where they earned your trust back or vice versa and how?. I know the simple answer is being a trustworthy person Im just trying to make sure i dont make the same mistakes again with her (most likely she is never coming back) or someone in the future? I know i have been beating myself up for what i did, Im really just seeking anyones help and guidance. Until you take responsibility for the actions, you'll never get that trust back fully. You make excuses, saying that you're not a bad person... well bad people do bad things. Not acknowledging that isn't helping your case either. Saying that it was a mistake, isn't taking full responsibility for it. You did some bad things, the only way you won't do them again, is to change the way you see things. This change has to be noticeable to the one whose trust was broken. At least dealing with the issues that you broke their trust. My ex broke my trust on multiple occasions. I continued to try as long as she was making the effort to change, but my trust was never fully repaired. I would have had to see her in a different light (aka changed). Eventually it got too hard for her and she gave up trying... proving that she was in-fact a bad person and not a good person that made stupid mistakes IMHO. Good people will do the right thing if they make a mistake, regardless of how hard it is to accomplish.
Author BrianG Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Until you take responsibility for the actions, you'll never get that trust back fully. You make excuses, saying that you're not a bad person... well bad people do bad things. Not acknowledging that isn't helping your case either. Saying that it was a mistake, isn't taking full responsibility for it. You did some bad things, the only way you won't do them again, is to change the way you see things. This change has to be noticeable to the one whose trust was broken. At least dealing with the issues that you broke their trust. My ex broke my trust on multiple occasions. I continued to try as long as she was making the effort to change, but my trust was never fully repaired. I would have had to see her in a different light (aka changed). Eventually it got too hard for her and she gave up trying... proving that she was in-fact a bad person and not a good person that made stupid mistakes IMHO. Good people will do the right thing if they make a mistake, regardless of how hard it is to accomplish. I have taken full responsibility for my actions. I know what i did was wrong. I have admitted it to her and on here and i am seeking help in dealing with the issues that broke her trust through books and counseling sessions and self reflection. I have been doing the right thing when i made the mistake. I admitted what i did was wrong, i constantly apologized. I let her get out of our lease so i am paying the remainder of the lease on our apartment. Even though it was hard i helped pack up her stuff to make it easier for her. I am doing the right thing because I made a mistake. I guess its just going to take time to heal wounds and hopefully I have the opportunity to show her that i am changing (i know it doesnt happen overnight). But thats hard to do when your in no contact with each other. I know it will be hard because most likely it will be in a "just friends" situation but hope is a great motivational tool and no matter how hard it is for me its worth it to start to make things right with her. I just hope i get the opportunity because that is all i will need.
Darkzen Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I have taken full responsibility for my actions. I know what i did was wrong. I have admitted it to her and on here and i am seeking help in dealing with the issues that broke her trust through books and counseling sessions and self reflection. I have been doing the right thing when i made the mistake. I admitted what i did was wrong, i constantly apologized. I let her get out of our lease so i am paying the remainder of the lease on our apartment. Even though it was hard i helped pack up her stuff to make it easier for her. I am doing the right thing because I made a mistake. I guess its just going to take time to heal wounds and hopefully I have the opportunity to show her that i am changing (i know it doesnt happen overnight). But thats hard to do when your in no contact with each other. I know it will be hard because most likely it will be in a "just friends" situation but hope is a great motivational tool and no matter how hard it is for me its worth it to start to make things right with her. I just hope i get the opportunity because that is all i will need. Part of that responsibility is also acknowledging that your mistake(s) have pushed her away. Maybe she'll give you another shot, maybe not... are you changing because you feel what you did was wrong or because you hope to win her back? That's the real question...
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