Lesehest Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 I really need help before this relationship gets completely ruined! My boyfriend and I have been together for two years on and off, 1 year serious. Before I was completely in love with him, I didn't have a problem with him having female friends and keeping in touch with his ex-girlfriends. Now it has become a huge problem for me and I'm having a really hard time dealing with it. He also goes out on the town a bit whenever we can't get together (I'm a half-time mom), and sometimes hangs out with his single friends and their dates/single women friends. Other times he hangs out in his favorite bar and talks to everyone. The jealousy is killing me and has taken me by surprise. I'm a rational person and spent many years in a loveless marriage where I had no jealousies whatsoever. I can't stand the thought of him having long talks with ex-girlfriends, female friends, and random women he meets on the town. I do think he's committed to me and he always behaves perfectly when we go out together, so it's not that I think he's going to sleep around on me. He's very open and has a tendency to divulge a lot of information, and make sexual jokes/comments. But he supposedly tells everyone that he's in love with me and says everyone knows he's off the market. He gets upset whenh I suggest he should give up the friendship with his exes and says there's nothing wrong with it as long as there are no sexual feelings. Am I completely crazy here???? I am obsessing too much over this! I can not bring it up again to him because I feel it is starting to drive a wedge between us. He has become more guarded with what he tells me, such as keeping it from me that he got an email from yet another ex -- complete with a gorgeous professional portrait attached! I would appreciate hearing from people about this.
norajane Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Have you ever met his exes? Is he open to introducing you to them? If you're a couple, then he ought to be willing to hang out with you together. As for going out with his friends and meeting other women there, that's going to happen. That's where you need to feel secure in your trust. Is there any reason that you wouldn't trust him? Has he cheated on women in the past?
Author Lesehest Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 No, as far as I know, he has been faithful before. It seems like I have no rational reason to feel the way I do, but I can't help it. He is very outgoing and meets a lot of people and I think it's just getting to me that he chats with a lot of women. Maybe I'm jealous of his "single" status the week I have my kids. But I do believe in being done with an intimate relationship when it's over. I just think if the sexual attraction was there at one time, it is not necessary to stay friends. I know other people may feel differently though, so what do I do? Do I put up with something I'm uncomfortable with, ask him to change, or try to change myself?? And how do you change the way you react to something? It's not that easy!
Blue Eyed Brain Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 He sounds insecure and you do to. He seems to be a big flirt and that maybe one woman (non sexually) cannot fulfill him. He likes the interaction with other women, that's why he does it. It's an ego thing for him. Your jealousy stems from your insecurity about the relationship or yourself. Find out what is troubling you in this way and then you can look at your relationship with him to see if it's worth it. IMHO, I think he's not the one for you.
oppath Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Your jealousy stems from your insecurity about the relationship or yourself. Find out what is troubling you in this way and then you can look at your relationship with him to see if it's worth it. I wouldn't label it insecurity. It sounds like there are times when she doesn't feel like she is a priority to him. Since she has kids, it is very important she feels that way. There is nothing insecure about wanting to feel that.
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