lexi29 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 So after being dumped very recently, my friends suggested I need some positive attention and something to take my mind off my ex so they said to try an online dating site. I'm not ready for another relationship but would like to meet new people and bars are not my thing. I put up a profile, its not very good but has some cute pictures and I've stated in the profile that I'm just interested in talking, getting to know someone etc. So far I've had some email messages from some guys- I avoid guys with any mention of finding their next wife or booty call. One guy I've emailed is a police officer about 45 minutes from where I live. I gave him my number (prepaid cell phone) and he texted me and last night he called me. He works midnights but yesterday was his day off. He called around 7pm and I missed his call. Called him about a half hour later and left a message. I haven't dated in several years (was in LTR) so its almost like dating is new to me all over again. Is online dating a bad idea at this point? Any advice on what to avoid?
jr650s Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 well im 27 ive done online dateing...not that i like to admit it but i might as well let you know being a guy an all...first of all everyones online personality is not their complete person...everyone puts on a front to be nice to one another and get to know each other...but what really tests the whole situation is time...when you oneline date your eager to meet the person you want to know who they are in person..feel their touch etc. the only thing is people are different in person and your feelings from getting to know that person oline may be different when you see them...trust me i know from although i know im conceded i am a good looking guy and have been mislead many times online...the girl was never who she said she was or she said she was thin and she was actually not so quite thin...i know this seems trivial but that means they are lieing and to me that means they arent worth the time i put into getting to know them...and do yourself a favor dont give out your number so fast..what if you meet another guy who is actually better and now you have to kinda ditch this other guy..you can get into some sticky situations with online dateing i started to like one girl found out she was a phony and then met someone real and i told her the truth and trust me i regretted it. however it CAN be a good thing if your careful..please dont be so trusting as many people have different motives for meeting one another. your right getting rid of the meet me marry me types and the i just wanna get laid types but trust me on this its the quiet guy with the good looks an the funny personality that can hurt you the most because you never expect what he might really be intending. being a guy im telling you as much as possible because you do sound like a very nice person im just trying to save you some frustration. GET TO KNOW THEM before you give them anything personal and if they cant handle the fact you are cautious they arent worth the time you took talking to em..move on quickly guys are a dime a dozen..and trust me on this you will me the right guy...i met the right girl...mabey with a flaw or two but i still love her to death...but it was by accident...and the way i met her crushed a best friendship...but in the end i found out he was no friend at all...all he wanted to do in the end was hurt her... i will say this everything happens for a reason...i hope i helped and if not ill be online to explain more
MR2Aaron Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 As a woman, you'll probably find it a lot easier (or at least less work) than men do. My understanding is that women get inundated with email when they use those services, whereas men have to really fight to overcome the indifference of women who get a gazillion emails a day from it. I don't know how much luck you'll have finding someone who wants to be just a friend on it - most of the sites I've looked at don't really seem to take the "strictly platonic" approach, but it obviously does work for meeting people, as I've met several pretty nice girls in the past few months through two of the better known ones. Once you meet up with someone and break the initial "this is just some random person from the internet" ice, it doesn't seem like it's really any different from any other form of dating, although it has a tendency to understate geographic distance, meaning you'll likely get matched up with some people who live a lot farther afield than you'd otherwise look. One of the girls I met was pretty cool, but lived far enough away that visiting her with any regularity would have meant driving 45 miles in rush hour traffic. Edit: Jr650s makes an entirely valid point about people's online personas being different from real life. The women I met were generally the same character-wise, I think, but when I met a couple of them, it turned out that they had about 50 pounds on me at least, which, try as I might, I just couldn't look past, being a reasonably fit 150 pound cycling enthusiast myself.
Author lexi29 Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 Why would people (who expect to meet eachother in person) lie about their physical characteristics? I mean its hard to hide 50 extra pounds or a different hair color. One of my friends who met guys from match said the first guy she went out told her he was 5ft 9 and when she met him he was barely 5'5. Not a problem for her because she is short but why would someone mislead you about something so obvious? I guess I am just trying to spot the players and guys to stay away from. I haven't given out any personal info and the number I gave the one guy to call was a pre paid cell phone so none of my info is attached to it if he wanted to look it up.
Krytie TV Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Why would people (who expect to meet eachother in person) lie about their physical characteristics? I mean its hard to hide 50 extra pounds or a different hair color. One of my friends who met guys from match said the first guy she went out told her he was 5ft 9 and when she met him he was barely 5'5. I don't understand the logic there either, but they do it... all the time. In my experiences, I have been brutally honest so as to not waste my time or someone else's. But that ties into my advice, which is only believe 25% of what you're told. People tell you the person they want to be, not who they are. And as for attractiveness, try to ALWAYS withold any judgments on a person's appearance until meeting. It is easy to be disappointed.
MR2Aaron Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Why would people (who expect to meet eachother in person) lie about their physical characteristics? I mean its hard to hide 50 extra pounds or a different hair color. One of my friends who met guys from match said the first guy she went out told her he was 5ft 9 and when she met him he was barely 5'5. Not a problem for her because she is short but why would someone mislead you about something so obvious? I guess I am just trying to spot the players and guys to stay away from. I haven't given out any personal info and the number I gave the one guy to call was a pre paid cell phone so none of my info is attached to it if he wanted to look it up. I can't speak to every instance of this - some are worse than others, but... Most of the instances I've seen ended up being a situation where they used a photo that made it ambiguous, and I didn't feel it was prudent to ask beforehand "So, are you a 300 pound heifer?"
muse27 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 ive had so many great online dating experiences..the only reason why im still single is because of myself really. what i can tell you is to READ inbetween the lines of someone's words. be particular about how they word things because you can tell if someone is a player, wants to get in your pants, is creepy, or just normal thru good judgement. also...i would say always ask and exchange as many pictures as you can. this way, you can see what they look like at all angles...not just their 'best side profile'. ask how recent the pictures are as well. and yes, though this may seem artificial, you are meeting thru the internet and the imagination tends to run wild if you know what i mean. i try to meet them relatively sooner than later only because i dont want to fall for their pictures & voice only to be disappointed and waste both of our time and energy. it sucks for both parties because at that point, its lust within a fantasy world..you dont really know if there's chemistry yet until you meet in reality. it can go vice versa too.. you might really like them and youre relieved when you see them, but maybe they dont feel the same as you...then youre left crushed and thinking..whats wrong with me..we talked for x-amount of time and i thought he liked my personality..was it my looks? ...you really dont want to go thru that...and if by chance you do...pick yourself up...learn from your mistakes and just get out there..it gets easier
Sean0775 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Online dating is terrible, but if you don't like bars it's pretty much the only choice aside from wasting your time wandering around town talking to random women. My longest relationship to date came from an online dating site, and I would take it back if I had to do it over again (long story short, she had a kid, I knew I couldn't deal with that but tried anyway, it failed just like i knew it would). I'm beginning to think I just need to wait until I'm in my 30s to start dating. I'm done trying to figuring out all these silly little girls and their games, and I'm more than sick of seeing nothing but single mothers on personals sites (I don't believe in paying for other peoples' mistakes). Maybe I'll find someone who absolutely doesn't want kids somewhere down the line, but it seems that most people do. Terrible thing for those of us that don't care for them.
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