playabum17 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Why doesn't anyone ever like me, why do they always disappoint me? I don't know what is wrong with me. I met a guy on Friday who I thought liked me, we really enjoyed each others company, he has yet to call me, even though he put my number in his phone. My long distance whatever he is supposed to be is still not making me a priority and I'm becoming more and more disenchanted with him. I haven't talked to him since Thursday, I've called him several times, haven't left a message, but he's never called me. Even though I'm sure I've showed up on his cell as a missed call. Songs like a cheesy song, but why can't I be loved??
blueberry sundae Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Don't call a man. That is why he is not calling you.
Trialbyfire Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Why doesn't anyone ever like me, why do they always disappoint me? I don't know what is wrong with me. I met a guy on Friday who I thought liked me, we really enjoyed each others company, he has yet to call me, even though he put my number in his phone. My long distance whatever he is supposed to be is still not making me a priority and I'm becoming more and more disenchanted with him. I haven't talked to him since Thursday, I've called him several times, haven't left a message, but he's never called me. Even though I'm sure I've showed up on his cell as a missed call. Songs like a cheesy song, but why can't I be loved?? You will be loved. You might even be loved now but don't feel that way. Finding the right person to share something special with, isn't always easy. Don't lose hope. It will happen.
LoveLace Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Playabum I feel your frustration. I feel disappointed over and over again. I am 31 yrs. old and think it's ridiculous that it's taking this long. It's to the point where men question why I haven't been married yet, or at least engaged, so they wonder what's wrong with me right off the bat. I"m sure the guy likes you or liked you, but they still don't always follow through. It could be pure laziness. But here's a small tip, some people find it annoying to have missed calls without leaving a message....someone might just be more likely to call back if they hear a message saying "I enjoyed meeting you so I thought we could chat" or something like that. Try it with the next guy...but only once and leave the rest up to him.
Author playabum17 Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 Playabum I feel your frustration. I feel disappointed over and over again. I am 31 yrs. old and think it's ridiculous that it's taking this long. It's to the point where men question why I haven't been married yet, or at least engaged, so they wonder what's wrong with me right off the bat. I"m sure the guy likes you or liked you, but they still don't always follow through. It could be pure laziness. But here's a small tip, some people find it annoying to have missed calls without leaving a message....someone might just be more likely to call back if they hear a message saying "I enjoyed meeting you so I thought we could chat" or something like that. Try it with the next guy...but only once and leave the rest up to him. I don't have the number of the guy I met on Friday, he has my number. I haven't called him and he hasn't called me. I have been trying to call my long distance...not quite boyfriend person and haven't been able to reach him and he has not called me. I am guessing this could be the beginning of the end? I am 39 and I have been engaged twice, but those two ended in disappointment as well. I'm like you, I don't get it. I'm reasonably attractive, I have lots of friends so I must have a decent personality so why can't I get and keep a man?? I can attract them, I just can't get them to follow-up. The long distance thing has lasted for almost 8 months, but all of a sudden...nothing. And when I do meet someone who it seems like we click and get along well and enjoy each other's company...then nada, nothing....I don't get it!! I mean okay, the guy I met on Friday, it's only been a few days, he may still call, but I would have thought he would have called by now...
Ali4134 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 He may be nervous, or waiting to call closer to the weekend. Or he might have been tipsy that night and forgot. Who knows men pretty much suck sometimes.
melodymatters Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 hey beach bum ! I can relate. I know with me it's usually picking unsuitable guys that then dissapoint me and I have to break up with THEM. All we can do is live. learn, keep trying and enjoy the journey ! Life can change on a dime, so keep your chin up !
Author playabum17 Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 He may be nervous, or waiting to call closer to the weekend. Or he might have been tipsy that night and forgot. Who knows men pretty much suck sometimes. That's true!! Well, he wasn't drunk when we were talking, we ended up talking until 4 in the morning. He put my number into his cell phone, I watched him do it. You're right, it is hard to say.
Ali4134 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Well, I've got my own problems now too, and I don't know for the life of me what to do. Do you ever just feel invisible?
NotKelly Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I am 39 and I have been engaged twice, but those two ended in disappointment as well. I'm like you, I don't get it. I'm reasonably attractive, I have lots of friends so I must have a decent personality so why can't I get and keep a man?? I can attract them, I just can't get them to follow-up. I'm going to give some straight talk - as a woman who is your age and has had only ONE crappy relationship (15 years relationship) in my entire life and is looking for new ones... People our age don't particularly want to make new friends. They have their little circles they are already comfortable in. Particularly marriage, children, whatever. When people are in their thirties, they are not looking for major changes in their lives, in general. (This is not true of everyone of course, but you're going to have a harder time finding a guy in his 30's or maybe 40's). Unfortunately a 39 year old woman without a mate has missed the early boat. The early boat is the one that most people get on, in their twenties. A lot of them get off it later (divorce, etc) but aren't too keen to get back on it right away. This could explain your general difficulty in finding guys who want a relationship. They are simply NOT LOOKING. You are an exception (and so are the scattered guys who might be looking at that age) The good news is that there is a second boat you can get on. The problem is that it doesn't usually have any thirtysomething guys on it. When people hit their late forties or fifties, when they've realized they're sick of being uncommitted, or they realize their marriage was a sham, or the kids have grown up and left, then they want to meet new people, have new relationships, new friends, maybe new lovers. You have to look for THESE people (since I think robbing the cradle probably isn't appropriate - you want someone who has your maturity level) for relationships. Being a single woman in your thirties is tough... it is a bad time to be a single woman. All your friends are embroiled in the marriage and kids thing and you're not. Look to the future, keep the faith. You're going to find the friendship/relationship pool gets somewhat bigger when men start getting older and wiser. Two words: Older guys.
My_Other_I Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I don't have the number of the guy I met on Friday, he has my number. I haven't called him and he hasn't called me. I have been trying to call my long distance...not quite boyfriend person and haven't been able to reach him and he has not called me. I am guessing this could be the beginning of the end? I am 39 and I have been engaged twice, but those two ended in disappointment as well. I'm like you, I don't get it. I'm reasonably attractive, I have lots of friends so I must have a decent personality so why can't I get and keep a man?? I can attract them, I just can't get them to follow-up. The long distance thing has lasted for almost 8 months, but all of a sudden...nothing. And when I do meet someone who it seems like we click and get along well and enjoy each other's company...then nada, nothing....I don't get it!! I mean okay, the guy I met on Friday, it's only been a few days, he may still call, but I would have thought he would have called by now... On your first dates do you talk about your future together, kids, moving in, financial distress, exes or other heavy subjects? My friend, who is a really nice guy, has gone out with several women who would discuss financial issues and you could sense their desperation for men. This is a huge turn-off for many mature men.
Author playabum17 Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 On your first dates do you talk about your future together, kids, moving in, financial distress, exes or other heavy subjects? My friend, who is a really nice guy, has gone out with several women who would discuss financial issues and you could sense their desperation for men. This is a huge turn-off for many mature men. Uh, no...I can't believe anyone would.
Author playabum17 Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 Well, the long distance thing is over. Not that we had a 'break-up', he just is not answering his phone. Found out yesterday that he no longer works for the company. Ah, not taking my calls for over a week, quit the company or got fired not sure....I can take a hint. I'm trying for hard not to dwell...se la vie...life goes on. I was going to break up with him a couple weeks ago anyway and decided not to....guess I should have. The guy I met last week I saw last night we said hi from across the room, but that was about it for awhile, hmmmm. Later I went up to him and asked him if he could do me a favor, he said "Yeah, what?" I said "Please quit calling me, it's really getting out of hand, day and night...all the calls, it's out of control" He laughed said he was sorry, that it was nothing personal, he was just busy. I told him he was welcome to join us if he would like, he said he wanted to talk to some friends, but probably would later, never did. Little bit later he came over and talked to me for a little while then went to get another beer and was talking to some of his friends. Okay, I can take a hint, guess it wasn't what I thought it was last week. So, I'm getting ready to leave, I tap him on the shoulder and wave goodbye and start towards the door. He stops me and says 'Are you leaving?" Uh, yeah...He said he would call me, he didn't get my number so that he wouldn't call me, he said he would at least call me so that his number would show up in my phone so that I would have his number. He said I was welcome to come by his place and see him anytime I wanted. And he said he wanted to get together with me sometime. I think he's full of BS, but whatever. We'll see if he actually calls.
LoveLace Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Good point, Notkelly. I missed the early boat too. Men my age and older for the most part are not looking for a relationship nor do they want a relationship, because they have "been there done that" and I've met many men who stick to that faithfully. When they say they will never get serious again, they mean it (because they never want to go another divorce or break-up,etc)....once in a while they make an exception for someone really, really, special to them but even then they are not sure to stick around because they'll wake up one day and realize he swore to never do this again! I think this proves that most men scare easier emotionally. Not to say that women don't swear off relationships after a bad experience, because they do - but more often than not, women move on in a way that's ready to take on the next chapter in life, the next relationship or what have you. For some reason we just don't seem to be as weary as men are about trying again, we seem more willing to risk our feelings yet again. But for men my age and up whose last relationship ended sour, they just can't seem to really let go of it. Women are in touch with and deal with emotions like loss or grief better; when I broke up with my BF I cried for days but now I feel more ready to move on. Men don't usually deal with break-ups in this fashion; they don't really go through a "grieving" process, instead they try to skip right over to the moving on part. And we all know that grieving is an important step for moving forward emotionally. This explains "rebounds" and the reasons why men have them. He meets someone new shortly after a break-up, and although he's moving on in his eyes, he really is not. He eventually starts to compare the new gal to the old and this is when he decides, "been there, done that, and never again!" So he freaks out and bye bye rebound girl! I've been that girl twice; no matter how much they swore to me they moved on...in the end they realized they hadn't. I"m always the girl who makes them decide they should just be single from now on! But if a woman gets a rebound guy, I think her reasons are different than that of a man for this. She's perfectly aware that she is not totally over her Ex. If she gets serious with a new guy right away, it's probably because she's pretty dependent emotionally and fights the idea of being "alone"...but not always, (since women DO grieve and move on easier); sometimes this really works because the rebound guy is just that great enough that it helps her forget the Ex quickly. Otherwise, if a woman's not over it and finds a rebound, she probably feels that it's "revenge" of sorts on her Ex. That applies to men too, I think. Sorry I rambled there...but for singles in 30's and up, we are faced with above situations way more often than we care for. It sucks!
Sparklyred Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I'm going to give some straight talk - as a woman who is your age and has had only ONE crappy relationship (15 years relationship) in my entire life and is looking for new ones... People our age don't particularly want to make new friends. They have their little circles they are already comfortable in. Particularly marriage, children, whatever. When people are in their thirties, they are not looking for major changes in their lives, in general. (This is not true of everyone of course, but you're going to have a harder time finding a guy in his 30's or maybe 40's). Unfortunately a 39 year old woman without a mate has missed the early boat. The early boat is the one that most people get on, in their twenties. A lot of them get off it later (divorce, etc) but aren't too keen to get back on it right away. This could explain your general difficulty in finding guys who want a relationship. They are simply NOT LOOKING. You are an exception (and so are the scattered guys who might be looking at that age) The good news is that there is a second boat you can get on. The problem is that it doesn't usually have any thirtysomething guys on it. When people hit their late forties or fifties, when they've realized they're sick of being uncommitted, or they realize their marriage was a sham, or the kids have grown up and left, then they want to meet new people, have new relationships, new friends, maybe new lovers. You have to look for THESE people (since I think robbing the cradle probably isn't appropriate - you want someone who has your maturity level) for relationships. Being a single woman in your thirties is tough... it is a bad time to be a single woman. All your friends are embroiled in the marriage and kids thing and you're not. Look to the future, keep the faith. You're going to find the friendship/relationship pool gets somewhat bigger when men start getting older and wiser. Two words: Older guys. I just turned 41 and I'm in the same boat. I was engaged once and I broke it off because I thought we bickered too much, I thought that we didn't feel "in love" enough. But now I see that that was fear on my part. Every relationship has ups and downs and I basically ran. and now I haven't met anyone who even can stand up in comparison to the solid guy that this guy was. It's true ladies- if you are in your 20's and you meet a guy, this is the time to grab him and settle down if he asks. As soon as they hit the mid-thirties, they either are serial daters or have major issues. Get em while they are young and don't look for perfection like I did or you will end up like me, 41, smart, successful, very attractive, and sought after by married men. Instead of a mother, a married woman, with perhaps a bit more boring, but settled quality life.
Quinch Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I often feel the same way as the OP. I'm 35 and feel that I'll never find real happiness again. At best I'll have to settle for someone I don't love just so I'm not alone. Sometimes I wonder what might happen if I do find someone and I like them and they like me - to be honest, I wonder if I could cope with being in a relationship like that again and it scares me.
coco_milkshake Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I often feel the same way as the OP. I'm 35 and feel that I'll never find real happiness again. At best I'll have to settle for someone I don't love just so I'm not alone. Sometimes I wonder what might happen if I do find someone and I like them and they like me - to be honest, I wonder if I could cope with being in a relationship like that again and it scares me. Dont ever settle for second best Quinch. Love will come your way hon, you just have to be patient.
NotKelly Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Get em while they are young and don't look for perfection like I did or you will end up like me, 41, smart, successful, very attractive, and sought after by married men. Instead of a mother, a married woman, with perhaps a bit more boring, but settled quality life. Notwithstanding the "married men" thing... is getting on the "second boat" really so bad? I'm just trying to point out to the poster I was quoting, that it's hard to find appropriate men when you are in your 30's (or perhaps early 40's?) because one's 30's are not a time when most men are free to look for love (or mature enough to let go of their hangups and accept love) I went with my first (and only) relationship when was I was 23. It was a terrible, destructive relationship. Lasted 15 years. I don't know if telling younger women to not look for "perfection" is always the best advice, or to make them feel afraid they won't ever find someone if they don't "grab" a guy. That's how I felt at 23 and I wish I had not "settled" for someone who was all wrong just because I was afraid of being left alone. I would just advise a thirtysomething or fortysomething woman to expand their criteria... because there are older, more mature men who ARE looking for new relationships. You know, don't break up anyone's marriage or anything, but there are possibilities with older guys that you can't find with thirtysomething men. It's just a rotten age to be single.... it's no reflection on "you yourself." On the other hand, what could be more boring than a bunch of thirtysomethings who are all wrapped up in their tiny little safe circles of soccer momhood. It's OK not to feel like you're in step with them. It's not a fate worse than death. You have more freedom to choose.... IF you know where to look for men who are stable and emotionally available.
LoveLace Posted November 3, 2007 Posted November 3, 2007 Well Notkelly in your case Sparkly's advice doesn't apply. She expressed that her reasons for ending her relationship were not what she sees as good enough of reasons now. I think she's saying that if your generally happy you should stick to it, and realize it's not all fun and games, there are strong points and weak points in a relationship...but don't weigh weak points too heavily. We tend to second guess who we pick and think we could surely do better...well of course we can. This could apply to every single person you date. It's reality. I think what Sparkly really means is that it's ok to accept less than perfection. And everyone has things about them that might get on your nerves. So try not to let it run you off. But it's still important to have standards and only seek out what you want and deserve. This is the part where I still struggle to find the happy medium...well I did find it a few months ago, and really screwed it up. Now I'm sad cuz I don't know that i"ll ever find that close to Mr. Right again. The chances of me getting a second chance are probably slim. But it was a thing where I wasn't exactly aware of damage I was doing. It was too late when I realized it. I had clincicals in Labor&Delivery today and fought my tears while all the nurses showed each other pictures of their babies and someone else came along and excitedly announced she just found out she's pregnant; then a student just found out she's pregnant; all the happy dads with their new babies; it's such a world out of my reality that I feel like an alien.
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