Vanquish Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Hey guys i've been off and on here for awhile now and im in some need of clear thoughts. Me and my gf have been dating almost a year now and everything has been excellent, i couldn't of asked for a more caring girlfriend. But recently i've been getting frustrated over little things that she seems to not understand. Maybe im just being a worry-wort or shes hiding something but i recently recieved this email: "hi babe, haha yeah i was intending on writing you a message today in between class and work but i ran out of time. my tuesdays and thursdays are pretty busy. ahh this is one stressful week at school, i have two tests on thursday and one on friday so im at panera right now studying and then tomorrow i have to come here again and get help from rob who is briding me for another dinner and coldstone this time. grrr. lol but i need help so oh well. i hope you get a..." yadda yadda, but the main thing is in the beginning, what she says about this rob kid and buying her panera and desert...for a second time. I dunno maybe im wayy overthinking this but it bothers the **** out of me. What gives? do normal relationships have both people going out to dinner and desert with their tutors? I mean a tutor is one thing, but one that buys her dinner and desert pisses me the **** off. I hope im not just being close-mined and its really common for couples to have dinner with their friends of the opposite sex alone. But man...ladies? anyone help me out here, make me see clearly. It seems to me like shes got a thing for this kid...
whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 The email seems innocent except for her calling him babe. How old is he? Just keep an eye on this, but I wouldn't react quite yet. What you can do in the meantime is spend some special time with her! Go out to a nice dinner, or have a weekend getaway somewhere romantic.
Author Vanquish Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 She was calling me babe, but thats what ill probably do. I'm so close to blowing my top about it its hard to refrain. Am i in the right state of mind that if a "tutor" is taking my gf out to dinner and coldstone i should be pissed?
Lyssa Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 That email you received was from her to you? Well, I think pretty soon you're gonna get comments lika "Leave her, this isn't right". "She's having dinner with her tutor?? What kinda girl has dinner with another male when she already has a BF??"... etc I really don't see the big deal here. At least she told you about it rather than you found out about it from someone else? Like WWIU said, take her out for dinner or a weekend getaway and talk about it. If you're not comfortable about it, then tell her. You are in a relationship with her so talk about it. Don't keep it inside.
jr650s Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 do yourself a favor...find out who he is an what he looks like and you will answer alot of questions in your mind...if hes a douchebag dork with glasses and freckles then dont worry but still keep an eye out...and dont get pissed and question her to death it gives him a chance to play good guy and move in on your girl...that what guys do they move in on girls weaknesses the best thing to do is treat her like shes your world and spoil the **** out of her and let her know just how you feel be upfront and she will respect that...when you try to hide **** girls can tell...and it pushes em away...trust me ive been around the block i know what im talkin about...ive had some of the ****test things happen to me and its basically what i just told you ive been where you are and i made the mistake im telling you not to...ive learned from experience and it hurts...bad...but anyway...lol...just for your piece of mind find out who this queer is...and make sure your the better man all the way around... take it easy...and she will respect that...
norajane Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Drop in on them during dessert at Coldstone, and give her a big hug and kiss hello. Rob ought to get the message that she's taken.
Author Vanquish Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 To answer a few questions: Yes this is an email from her to me. And just last weekend we went on a mini vacation so its not that im not giving her attention. Dropping in on her to say hello sounds good but im in class during this time and who knows when they'd be going to coldstone after their "tutoring" She's been getting tutored by this guy for a few weeks now and her grade has incrased 2 letters so its working whoever this kid is. I've never met nor seen him as i go to another school and he doesn't have a facebook or myspace like my gf does. I dunno maybe i should just confront her about it, honestly its just pushing me away and making me not want to see or talk to her. I got another email from her today that also mentioned him briefly and that she was going to get tutored by him tonight and for me to text her. But i can't due to the fact ill be in class during that time. Sometimes i just think she craves attention, but i am curious as to what this kid looks like, just to see if hes her type because she has a very specific type of guy shes attracted to. Hmmmm.
plainoldjared Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Drop in on them during dessert at Coldstone, and give her a big hug and kiss hello. Rob ought to get the message that she's taken. I absolutely agree with this, just drop in give her a hug tell her you missed her and that you wont keep her because you know shes studying. She'll probably ask what that was about and you can tell her honestly that you wanted to see her because 1) you missed her and 2) you wanted to see who this rob tutor is, she shouldnt get upset youre telling her the truth and you arent spying on them at his house or anything like that youre going somwhere public just to see her... and for good measure buy a pint of her favorite coldstone icecream since she likes it so much
popey Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 I agree. skip a class and drop in w/o notice. Say that missing her is the primary reason for going, but also, can she blame you for wanting to see who this guy is that gets to spend time with your amazing gf?
Ali4134 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Thats an excellent idea. So you might have to skip one class or cut it a little short. Or better yet be honest and tell her it bothers you that he bought her dinner and icecream and tell her you'd like to meet him, just to know who he is. Typically after a guy meets a girls bf he stops trying....most of the time. Just be honest and don't get angry, she hasn't done anything wrong. He did in being too generous to someone else's gf, but what was she supposed to do? Insult him and lose the tutor that has her grades up. I mean she even mentioned that she didn't really want him to buy her dinner again. She just wants a good tutor and if you talk to her she might want you to meet him to so he backs off. Trust me communication is Key.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 I agree. skip a class and drop in w/o notice. Say that missing her is the primary reason for going, but also, can she blame you for wanting to see who this guy is that gets to spend time with your amazing gf? Great advice. You can even use the line "I was interested in meeting the guy that's responsible for him GF grades." Be playful while getting the facts you need to keep your piece of mind. Let us know if you meet him and how it works out.
Lyssa Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Whatever you decide to do... keep us posted! I'd love to find out what Tutor Rob looks like.. lol
Author Vanquish Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 I'm torn here. On one hand i definately want to meat this chap and find out for myself where she stands with him. but on the other i can't get out of class tonight. Ahhh crap. hmm
Ali4134 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 So do like i said and tell her you want to meet him and have her set it up at a time when you're available. Simple.
plainoldjared Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 I'm torn here. On one hand i definately want to meat this chap and find out for myself where she stands with him. but on the other i can't get out of class tonight. Ahhh crap. hmm If cutting class short or skipping it all together will cause stress in your life, dont do it. You've already got a headfull. Instead talk to her, just let her know that you have been feeling uncomfortable with this tutor and explain that its not her its him and that you feel uncomfortable with his behaviour towards her, ask her if he makes her uncomfortable. Either way, it should go well, that little bit of email you pasted in made her sound like a sweet lighthearted person if she cares she wont become defensive. If shes hiding something, she might freak out and try to throw you off track...
norajane Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 I'm torn here. On one hand i definately want to meat this chap and find out for myself where she stands with him. but on the other i can't get out of class tonight. Ahhh crap. hmm There will probably be another opportunity to meet him since he is tutoring her. If you can't go tonight, do it another time.
Author Vanquish Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 Thanks for your reponses guys. I think ill wait and see if an oppertunity arises to meet him when i don't have class. Meanwhile i think i will casually bring it up and see how she feels about him buying her coldstone and dinner.
Author Vanquish Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Little update, i called my gf and she happened to be getting tutored and i could hear the this Rob kid in the background, he sounded older. Maybe 24-25. So im still not out of the woods yet, but im gunna wait it out, see how long it takes her to get "tutored" tonight and see how she reacts when i ask how her tutoring went later on. I coulda went up there honestly, but its not like me to pop in. So i abstained.
Author Vanquish Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 So i saw her later that night after her tutoring and asked how it went and she said good and that there was some other guy there stupider then her at what they were geting tutored for..so i jokingly asked how the bribing of coldstone went and she looked confused. Which threw me off cause she clearly stated in her message to me that he was bribing her with coldstone again. Ahh **** haha i guess i just have to pay alittle more attention to how shes acting about this tutor.
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