wmrjw82 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 To give you guys an update on my situation I have been keeping strict no contact now for 1 month this coming sunday. That was my initial goal (previously I had never gotten further than 2 weeks NC since our breakup at the end of July) and now that i'm slowly approaching it i'm getting scared. The last contact I had was when I proposed to her at the end of September, she rejected and I haven't talked to her since. Well last friday I was downtown with a buddy and ran into her 2 best friends. I found what they had to say was really strange and thought some of you might be able to shed some light on it. They were both real nice and one gave me a hug and said how sorry they were about the rejected proposal. They said that she was irritated with some of my actions in the relationship and that she doesn't know what she wants. Then they went on to say that I deserve better. She said I know you want to get married and have kids. This led me to believe that there was someone else so I questioned them about it and they said no. I then jokingly said to my buddy "this is the part where they tell me there's no other guy..." well, it ticked off one of her friends (who was a little tipsy) and left. The other followed. I txt'd her "____ left me behind. Deep down you know where i'm coming from. Tell me you understand". I never got a reply. (and actually i wouldn't of even sent that had I not been a little drunk myself) Now, I know there isn't someone else but why would her best friend's say that basically i deserve better than her? I mean, is that really even a friend? I know none of my friends would do that to me. That really got me confused... As I move forward I do it with guilt and uncertainty about things because there are so many questions she left unanswered. At the same time, I will not degrade myself any lower after she rejected my marriage proposal. In my eyes that would look completely pathetic. I mean, I feel like I went all the way and if there is any change she would have to make it. Unfortunately, a part of me tells me she never will.
Spinderella Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 "You deserve better" seems to be a throw-away phrase people say at the end of relationships to make you feel better. It could mean nothing at all. It could mean, you deserve someone better matched for you, and it could mean that you deserve someone who wont reject your proposal. It is best not to read too much into those words, because you dont really know what they meant. The situation is still, that she declined your proposal whatever the reasons. Can I just ask, did you no longer speak to her after she rejected your proposal, and was it only the proposal she rejected or the relationship entirely?, because sometimes people are just not ready for marriage, it neednt mean the destruction of the relationship. Although it does sound as though you perhaps proposed in an attempt to quick fix a dying relationship.
Author wmrjw82 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Can I just ask, did you no longer speak to her after she rejected your proposal, and was it only the proposal she rejected or the relationship entirely?, because sometimes people are just not ready for marriage, it neednt mean the destruction of the relationship. Although it does sound as though you perhaps proposed in an attempt to quick fix a dying relationship. Yes, the relationship was already over. She broke up with me in july. But the entire relationship she had always wanted to get married and have kids, etc. Then at the end of september (when i was still chasing her) she mentioned that "all i ever wanted was for you to show me I was more important" so I thought the best way to show her was to propose to her. After she rejected it her response was "this isn't fair to me. And it isn't fair to you" and told me she wasn't happy when she was with me. Nothing much you can really say to that and it seemed like she was always thinking of different reasons of why not to be with me. So I thought I would save what little self respect I had left and begin strict NC. I haven't talked to her now in almost a month. I'm proud of myself but still very disappointed at the same time. Looking back, yes i'm sure it was a quick fix attempt, but i take marriage very seriously and have never proposed in my life. It was huge for me to do something like that and I truly love her. That is why i feel it's so important that I keep NC now.
Author wmrjw82 Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 "You deserve better" seems to be a throw-away phrase people say at the end of relationships to make you feel better. Oh yeah, i should mentioned she said "you deserve better than her". Sorry I left that part out. That was the main thing that got me confused...
Author wmrjw82 Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 i'd really love some feedback from you guys if i could get some. Maybe it could help cheer me up or give me a reality check. I don't know...
badnewsbeers Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Oh things could be worse, I ran into my ex's best friends and got nothing but evil glares. I guess when things end with a girl, they end with all her friends too. I'm public enemy number the first with them, which is unfortunate. The important thing is to meet new people to replace them, or at least that's how I'm seeing it. I decided to volunteer at some events, and I figure that's two birds with one stone - improving myself as a person, and meeting a ton of people. I honestly forget what the initial post was, it's very late and I'm tired, but hopefully this helped a little?
birdie Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 i'd really love some feedback from you guys if i could get some. Maybe it could help cheer me up or give me a reality check. I don't know... the only thing I can say is that it sounds like they tried to be nice to you and not make it sound like they were automatically on her side. you were a little paranoid and you all had some alcohol so it got blown out of proportion a little bit. just forget about it, they just tried to be civil towards you
ellastar Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 i don't know. maybe they meant what they said. maybe they know her a wee better than you did or she confided a lot to them (which we sometimes don#t even tell our partners) and really do mean that you are better off without her. my ex and i have several couples as mutual friends. of course i leaned on one of the gal's of said couple and she just listened, said she was sorry, etc., etc. then she and her bf went on vacation with her best friend from from home and her bf (who works with my ex) invited my ex along so he would have someone to talk to (the gals are both from asia). well, after she got back from that holiday, she told me she could confirm everything i had said about my ex about his behavior. she said she couldn't believe some of the things i had told her before hand, but after than week holiday, she could confirm it. and she said i was truly better off without him. in the relationship he was someone else. once it was over, i guess he showed his true colors.
Spinderella Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 I think what youre getting at is, if they said that, does it mean that she was cheating on you, or had someone ready lined up all the while, or something else that you dont know about. Is that right? Still, dont read too much into what they said, but also she may have or may not have, what difference does it make to you now? Obsessing over this wont help you to move on with your life.
Author wmrjw82 Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 yeah you're right. It's pointless to speculate. Now that the month is drawing to a close and i ran into her friends last friday this last week has been unbearable. I even called her work today and didn't say anything just to hear her voice. They don't have caller id or anything so she didn't know it was me but still....that's so pathetic. I wish I could just get over her and I seriously thought i've been on the right track but now i feel like i'm taking steps backward. I want to apologize for so many things but i'm afraid if i email her or contact her in any way and get rejected again (which i know i would) i would be right back at square one. I just wish i could have been the one to walk away and turn it all off. It makes me wonder if she ever felt anything to begin with....
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