alwayshurt Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 So after two weeks I decided to break NC. It was me originally to ask not to be contacted. I sent her an emai saying that I still love her that she is everything to me me and that I wanted to keep good memories of her. I ended wishing her good luck. She replied right away like this: Hello Sweetie First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY (last friday it was my b/d). I am really sorry iI could not wish it to you in person but you told me that I could not contact you . I was really upset on your birthday because I could not join you for this special day. Well I guess next year I will be able to bring you a big cake and give you a birthday kiss. I am really sorry for what happened and I am looking forward to seeing you again. I haven't answered yet. What should I do? What does it mean? Any thoughts?
hopeforlove243 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Well, did she ever tell you that she wants to be friends? if yes, then maybe she thinks you are ok now and wants to be her friends? if no, then maybe she changed her mind and wants you back? Without knowing your story, that is my guess. Good luck.
brothermartin Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 If I were a betting man, I would say there's a chance you can get your foot back in the door! But,...I could be wrong. This is a woman we're talking about here so ANYTHING is possible. Why did you guys break-up?
amythan Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I cannot read her mind but my advise is be careful ! Perhaps she changed her mind, perhaps she just feels guilty .. I got exactly the same last week. Sent email, answer i want to talk to you, i want you to heard from my mouth, looking forward to speaking to you, i thought of you .. And i was convinced he will be back !! Result: I have feelings for you but it is not the right time, i have not changed my mind ... devasted, back to step one. I decided NC and i got a txt with kisses, sweetie and all this blah, blah .. Just trying to do not feel guilty for leaving me. I am not saying she will do the same but do not expect too much, do not put pressure on her and let her move first .. if she wants to be with you she already has all the info she needs.
wowIlose Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 If you sent her an email saying you love her and she replied with everything but the 3 magic words "I love you" then I would avoid her like no tomorrow.. or try.. because you'll put yourself through more pain once you go and talk to her and find out she just wants to be your buddy. She has all the power right now, she knows your still into her so whats the rush of you two getting back together for her? She'll keep you close while she scouts for something possibly better. Seriously, I just recently been there and done that and its gotten me nowhere.
Author alwayshurt Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Thanks you all for the replies. Answers like these are very confusing and missleading. I have feelings that the best thing to do is ignoring what she wrote and go back to NC. It kills me but I am very confused of what she may really think or feel and don't know what to do. I would just wait and see if she makes any move. Another option I was evaluating is to reply, thanking her for the b/d wishes and telling her that it does not make any sense to meet. That I was sincere when I wished her good luck and that I don't want to go back in that situation becuase I am fine the way I am now. It is a little lie, but I would just give it a final closure and concentrate to move on. What you guys think?
Bosiell Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 So after two weeks I decided to break NC. It was me originally to ask not to be contacted. I sent her an emai saying that I still love her that she is everything to me me and that I wanted to keep good memories of her. I ended wishing her good luck. She replied right away like this: Hello Sweetie First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY (last friday it was my b/d). I am really sorry iI could not wish it to you in person but you told me that I could not contact you . I was really upset on your birthday because I could not join you for this special day. Well I guess next year I will be able to bring you a big cake and give you a birthday kiss. I am really sorry for what happened and I am looking forward to seeing you again. I haven't answered yet. What should I do? What does it mean? Any thoughts? That part I do not understand at all?? Really do not know what to read into it. I can see why you are confused. I would be very wary tho for sure. It does lean more on the "friends" side of things tho. Personally speaking I would not get too carried away with this.
yippkiyay Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 You could definatly nail her agin if you play your cards right. take it easy with the I love yous
Author alwayshurt Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 You could definatly nail her agin if you play your cards right. take it easy with the I love yous Thanks for the posts guys. Bosiell: I told her I loved her. If she had no intentions at all why would she ask me to meet again? yippkiyay: can you be more specific? what your advice is?
JosieMcCoy Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 She wants to jump your bones!!! Look out!! Ahhhh! Cheers!
Bosiell Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Thanks for the posts guys. Bosiell: I told her I loved her. If she had no intentions at all why would she ask me to meet again? quote] Her intentions may be simply to want you as a friend. She has not contacted you, you contacted her, if she was having second thoughts about your relationship then she would have contacted you regardless of you saying you wanted nc. She is saying that she is looking forward to seeing you again. Well yeah but it isnt saying "I really want to see you or I miss you and have to talk to you". Again just an opinion, not saying that there may not be more to it, but just to be cautious.
Author alwayshurt Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 Her intentions may be simply to want you as a friend. She has not contacted you, you contacted her, if she was having second thoughts about your relationship then she would have contacted you regardless of you saying you wanted nc. She is saying that she is looking forward to seeing you again. Well yeah but it isnt saying "I really want to see you or I miss you and have to talk to you". Again just an opinion, not saying that there may not be more to it, but just to be cautious. I see your point...it makes sense. It has been almost a week since she sent me the email and haven't replied yet. I was overseas and just came back two days ago. She hasn't made any contact either but she knew I was away. I don't know wheather to answer by saying "thanks for birthday wishes...see you bla bla bla" or just ignoring at all and keep NC. Can somebody share his/her opinion and give me some advice? Thanks,
AriaIncognito Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 If someone wants you back, they will contact you, regardless of a "no contact" rule. I think you should keep this in mind when looking at what she sent. I'm sorry to hear of your situation, and hope you heal quickly. I was almost 5 months NC until yesterday. I guess I reset the counter if need be. I feel OK about it (i initiated because I was bored at an airport in his home town) but of course it makes me think I wish he told me he missed me or something. There's a reason they are our exes. We just need to keep that in mind always.
Author alwayshurt Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 ARIA, thanks for the reply. Well, she is not my ex as we were never together, as a couple...but that's another story. You're right, if somebody wants you back they will contact you not matter what. And she always did. It was me at a certain point to ask NC because I could not understand certain things she was pulling on me. And because her situation is somehow complicated (she is going thru a divorce, still living at home with the husband) I decided to give her some space. I want her back, but I did not contact her until two weeks ago, after 2 weeks of NC. That was the longest. I read post of people here that are giving spaces to their exes becuase they have asked so. They are keeping NC agains their own will. There are many situations and they are all different from the other. I know that what she wrote could have 100 of meanings and that is my dilema. I am trying to understand which is the right one or close to it. As you can see from the answers to my post I have a 50-50 chances!!! She has done nothing to me, she's always been nice so I guess it would be polite to at least say "thank you for wishing me HB"...but I was wandering if exposing myself a bit more could give me some signal of what she is really looking for: friendship or more. So I was asking an opinion on how to phrase my reply, or if I should just ignore her email at all.
AriaIncognito Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 I dont think the email warrants a reply. She only said she wanted to wish you a happy birthday but didn't because you were NC. Next year, you'll hear happy birthday from her. Thats ALL i'd read from this message. Nothing more.
pinktiger Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 If you find out she just wanted to be friends, will you feel hurt again? I did. But I can not go NC. I still love him. Friendship is better than nothing even though it is killing me internally. I know I am pathetic. I am stupid. I just don't know what to do. I don't know I can stand not to talk to him at all. I need more help from this forum...
Ariadne Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 Hey, What should I do? What does it mean? Any thoughts? It means she likes you, she's a really nice girl, but is done with you. Sorry about that, I'm heartbroken too Ariadne
AriaIncognito Posted October 27, 2007 Posted October 27, 2007 If you find out she just wanted to be friends, will you feel hurt again? I did. But I can not go NC. I still love him. Friendship is better than nothing even though it is killing me internally. I know I am pathetic. I am stupid. I just don't know what to do. I don't know I can stand not to talk to him at all. I need more help from this forum... PinkTiger...you've given yourself the answer in the above. "it is killing me internally" is your reason to move on and don't even maintain a friendship. Maybe you'll be ready in the future, but if it hurts to be friends, then you should cease it before you really end up hurting yourself. There might be a time where you can be friends. There might also be a time where you'll wonder why you ever put yourself through it to be friends in the first place. Either way, right now is the time to move forward, not backward. Sounds like you step back daily with this friendship.
pinktiger Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 I could not understand this part. Why was he very upset when I did not answer his call last night? He said he was going to lower his expectation so he would not get hurt... Why? I don't think he would be upset if one of his friends could not answer his phone call on time. Does it mean he still has feelings for me or he just treats me as a doormat?
pinktiger Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 He told me that he wanted to stay as my best friend, I can count on him, I can cry on his shoulders...blah blah blah... I know those are not true. If he hurt me once, he does not care to hurt me again. He just don't want to feel guilty and I let him push me around... When he wanted to be lovers, we were lovers, when he wanted to break up, we broke up, when he wanted to be friends, now we are *friends*. How more pathetic I can be? I don't want to go on like this, however, every time, I saw his face, I just could not tell him that I wanted to go NC because this friendship was killing me. Why can I be strong, just run away without looking back? Why?
Bosiell Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 He told me that he wanted to stay as my best friend, I can count on him, I can cry on his shoulders...blah blah blah... I know those are not true. If he hurt me once, he does not care to hurt me again. He just don't want to feel guilty and I let him push me around... When he wanted to be lovers, we were lovers, when he wanted to break up, we broke up, when he wanted to be friends, now we are *friends*. How more pathetic I can be? I don't want to go on like this, however, every time, I saw his face, I just could not tell him that I wanted to go NC because this friendship was killing me. Why can I be strong, just run away without looking back? Why? Why? Well, because you love him. Simple as that. It isnt a question of why however, there are no questions to be answered. You have no choice, you HAVE to turn away, stop this friendship. Hard as it will be, you will not recover from this until you stop seeing him. Tell him you love him one last time, take a deep breath and walk away Pink. You CAN do this.. Always.. Have you replied to the email yet?
Author alwayshurt Posted October 28, 2007 Author Posted October 28, 2007 Always.. Have you replied to the email yet? No I haven't. Pink, I feel your pain and as much as I am struggling to understand what it is hidden behind those few words I got in the email, I would never settle for anything less than what I want. I don't think I could act as a friend to somebody that I deeply love. It would only cause more pain than anything else. You should really think about that. I am in your same situation, perhaps worse becuase I have no friends to distract myself with as I just moved to a new town, and I understand what you're going trhu. But it is only matter of time and you should tell yourself that you can handle it. Accepting frienship will just prolong your suffering. If you have to, just tell him what you feel for him and you can only be his g/f or nothing. Then just disappear.
Author alwayshurt Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 I replied to the email keeping it very light. I said "thank you for the birthday wishes. I would like to see you too. maybe one day I'll catch downstairs for cigarette (we work in the same building)". I will see what she replies if at all. She knows how I feel about her. The ball is in her court. Unless she replies the way I want, for me from now on is NC. God help me!
birdie Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 at least you will know where you stand and you wondering. that must help
Author alwayshurt Posted November 1, 2007 Author Posted November 1, 2007 I could not allow myself to be so weak, so I decided to cancel the reply (I have pwd of her email ) and stay in NC. I have been trying to avoid places where i can meet her, but today I had to go to the restaurant where she works because I had people from my company's Headquarters and they wanted to have breakfast. It was so hard for me but I had no choices. When she saw me she became all red. I did not talk to her at all I just acknowledged her with a smile...that was it. Right after, she went in the back and came out again when we were about to leave. We didn't stay long...we just took the food and leave. I feel so sad now. I miss her so much. I can't cope with this. The more time goes by the worse I feel. I am smoking like crazy. I am almost at 2 packs per day. Instead of reacting I am giving up. I lost all my strenghts and it is getting hard for me to go to gym also. I feel so weird and weak. I don't know what to do.....I am very depressed. I sometimes blow up and cry in my car while i drive back home. I am suffering so much from loneliness. i am not meeting anybody and spending most of the time by myself except when I am at work, which I found very hard to concentrate to. It sucks. It sucks big time. I have reached the bottom and don't know how to get up. I don;t know how long I can resist. I am so f***ing alone. I want to go back where i was at least I had friends there. Here I don't know anybody. It sucks!!
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