T L Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I know its a personal thing about how long it takes to heal from a relationship ending and that healing has to be done at its own pace. But does anyone think the healing process is affected one way or the other by the way the relationship ended? It doesnt make the pain any easier to take, was just wondering if anyone had any thoughts on the matter.
Sarita12385 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I think the way it ends does play a role in the healing process. I was in a relationship that ended with abuse, mostly verbal but also some physical, and getting over that for whatever reason did not take long, probably because it generated hatred for the other person. I was with, however, like many other people, have been in relationships that were going just great and then the other person just let it go, whether it was because they had someone else lined up, not sure, but it took sooo much longer to heal emotionally. I think a good healing aid is to just take a night 'n go out w/some friends and get a feel for being single again. If that's not an option, play a video game or watch some good comedy. Stay away from the love songs and the romance movies for a while
Curious139 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I'm sure it does. So many of the stories here involve betrayal and abuse of trust that I think in those cases anger can come to the rescue and aid the healing process. Where love is lost because it fades for one person, the other can be left bewildered and that isn't an easy state of mind to mend. I guess that is why so many people want closure even if no-one can adequately describe what it means. For myself, the loss of my love was entirely my own fault so my anger was turned inward. It has been hell and I'm still not over it after 3 1/2 months but life is more bearable.
Crestfallen_KH Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I think how the relationship ends plays a very big role. In my case, I think my healing would have been easier if he'd just wanted the divorce. People grow apart all the time, and I wouldn't even really be too mad at him, but he brought infidelity into the mix and that has been so, so hard to get over. That was an act of pure selfishness and betrayal I've never felt before and was so entirely unnecessary. That being said, the length of time varies for all involved. I mustered my resources early on - reading self-help books, getting into therapy, talking with friends, initiating NC, signed up for new activities, etc. I've also allowed myself time to grieve and feel bad when I want. By doing these things, I am hopeful that my grieving process will be shorter than some, but I still wouldn't be surprised to be grieving a year from now. I just don't know how the holidays, our anniversary, etc. are going to affect me. Some people turn inward and/or don't take advantage of the resources out there and while that can work, it can also stunt others in the growth process. It really depends, but I know you can't put a timeframe on healing. You'll just be healed when are.
Sanslatete Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I'm still going through the process of getting over my ex and it's been nearly 4 months now. I've gone from adoring the ground she walks on to a hate/love mix where I am now. I wish she hadn't done the things she did before the break-up because it tainted all the good memories, and there were many. I still painfully miss her like crazy, but a reconciliation is probably out of the question because I could never trust her again and I still harbour a lot of resentment for the way I was treated. I don't expect to get over this any time soon and I'm dreading my birthday and Christmas without her.
Warpig Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 I am going on around 10 years of heartache, everyone heals quicker and slower
starlite Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 it does matter. I was with my bf 2.5 years..and we have been broken up for 2.5 weeks. I am in no way OVER it, I still miss him at times, I still love him to pieces, but I know that i deserve better. He lied to me too much, blamed it on me etc and I never lied to him. I deserve what I give in a relationship. So I think that since I know I deserve better, it really helps with the understanding of it and the coping process.
BrianG Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 it does matter. I was with my bf 2.5 years..and we have been broken up for 2.5 weeks. I am in no way OVER it, I still miss him at times, I still love him to pieces, but I know that i deserve better. He lied to me too much, blamed it on me etc and I never lied to him. I deserve what I give in a relationship. So I think that since I know I deserve better, it really helps with the understanding of it and the coping process. thanks for responding to my thread, what did he lie to you about? Dont mean to bring up something painful, just trying to understand because I lied as well and Im the one to blame for my broken heart. Your probably feeling a lot of the same things my ex is. I probably shouldnt worry about how she is feeling, but i love her and think about her all day.
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