HennyPenny Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I found myself way too emotionally entangled with an MM and basically had to re-establish boundaries. I was very good about it. I ignored his "look at how depressed you're making me" behavior. I avoided "alone time." I made sure there was lots of physical space between us. Occasionally I'll feel that *zing* when his eyes land on me a certain way and the air seems to grow steamy. It's almost phenomenal, but I'm good now and never return the eye contact or bask in the admiration, etc. I do not want to be in any kind of romantic relationship with a married man. I'm jealous anyway, without dealing with the knowledge that he already belongs to another woman, sleeps in her bed, etc. I know that he has no intention of leaving his wife, no matter how much he whines and bellyaches. I've read enough here to know it's a load of crap, anyway. Besides, it would kill him to be separated from his child and I'd hate myself if I caused that to happen. I have no idea why I'm so upset with the current situation. There is a new woman who apparently is obsessed with him. She moons over him right in front of my face, makes little comments about him when he's not around. He has never returned her interest. At least, not in front me. She wouldn't be obsessed without reason, would she? She suddenly dumped her husband. Her MySpace page (I know, I know) is full of sad little songs and rhymes about unrequited love. Also how "eyes are the window to the soul" and how happiness is often achieved through trying situations. I know it sounds stupid, but I know exactly who she's pining for, because my lust-addled brain has entertained being manipulative in this exact same way. I was able to stop myself and be sensible. She is not. What is it with his eyes? I hate it with a passion. Sometimes I wonder how many lonely women he's hypnotized, or if he truly just attracts this kind of attention out of the blue. Why do I even care?? I KNOW BETTER. I know that if he's a scumbag enough to cheat on his wife, he's not for me. That if his head can be turned by someone younger and trashier and bolder, despite our "mental connection" then the little tart would be doing me a huge favor. I know that I'd never be able to trust him anyway when I've witnessed first-hand how he treats his marriage. I tell myself all these things, yet still feel jealous and competitive. I feel even worse for his wife. I realize I'm getting a little taste of my own medicine, and I know I completely deserve it. If I know all these things, why is this killing me? Why do I hate the little emo tart so much?
lost4ever Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 You're hurt because ( choice 1) you never felt like you were enough for him to leave his wife for, and if he ends up leaving W for emo tart that sucks. (choice 2) you thought you had something special, that he wasn't really a looser, he just really loved you, and as soon as he cheats (again) that theroy is out the window....stay strong!!
OWoman Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 If I know all these things, why is this killing me? Why do I hate the little emo tart so much? It's not HER you hate, it's aspects of her that remind you of you - your susceptibility to him, your vulnerability to his charms, your "weakness" in the face of your better judgment. You're seeing the same things in her, and because you are upset by them within yourself, they upset you about her too. Only, it seems, she takes them to even greater lengths than you did. Cut yourself some slack, and you'll lighten up on her, too.
Author HennyPenny Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Thank you so much for the responses. I agree with both of you. I would be devastated if he fell in love with Emo Tart and left his wife. I think the rejection would just about kill me, and of course I'd think he was making a huge mistake. I hate that my emotions are so wrapped up in him. I also see her as his wife may have seen/sees me. I can't believe she's big enough to be cordial to me - if my husband was around another woman so much I'd be in a rage. She figures as long as he's coming home to her and keeping his willy clean, it's all good. I would never be secure or strong enough - especially if I were with him. I could never trust him. I'm trying so hard to work through this, but I still hate the little tart. I have already decided to wash my hands of the situation and stay out of it. I'm not going to make a fool of myself. I'm not ever going to start acting like a wife. I'm not his wife. I hate this and I hate Emo Tart.
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