JackJack Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 For those of you who are married, or not, have you ever placed your spouse or SO high on a pedestal? The reason I'm asking is, I find nothing wrong with bragging once in awhile about our spouses. Praising them, to others, telling others how wonderful they are, or how wonderful they make us feel etc. But what if it were ALL the time? I have a co-woker who is doing this. He is a great guy don't get me wrong. I have met his wife maybe once or twice, and she seems really nice. I'm sure they have a great marriage and is as wonderful as he makes it out to be, but ALL the time? It comes across as constant bragging. It almost makes me wonder at times if there is another reason why he feels the need to place her so high on a pedestal. BTW, those were his words. He did say once, he put her "high on a pedestal like the saint she is". I didn't know anyone was a saint. Could it really be that its as great as he claims? Does he need some form of validation and that's why he feels the need to always talk about it?
lost4ever Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I don't do this but my H does, he is so bad that we went to MC and they told him that it wasn't even love he felt for me it was an obsession. I have lived with this and I can tell you bragging about someone is fine but when you have them so high, it is nothing but problems I needed a partner not someone worshiping me
quankanne Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 never in our marriage, though I have seen it in my family with my dad and a couple of my siblings, and it drives me freakin' nuts. I think a lot of it has to do with self-glorification "See, *I* can recognize so and so, and if they're wonderful, then surely I'm wonderful, too." My one sister is so bad about bragging on her younger son that it's sickening – it's almost as if she's forgotten that he's human with flaws ...
Lizzie60 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 when someone is constantly bragging about their spouse.. I always have the feeling they're doing that, not to convince anyone....but themselves... In most cases, it's not that 'wonderful'
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 but ALL the time? Noone is 'nice' and 'happy' all the time, so how could a marriage be that way!
Author JackJack Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Noone is 'nice' and 'happy' all the time, so how could a marriage be that way! Well I don't know about "nice" and "happy" ALL the time, but he sure brags ALL the time. I even began to feel somewhat jealous. :confused:Not sure why, because I love my wife very much. We seem to get along well, sure we have had our share of bumps in the road, but so far, I feel we are doing good. I have told others how much I love her and how I feel she is great, yada yada yada, but I don't do it in away where it comes across as her or we are both "saint like". I told a buddy of mine, maybe I need to start bragging more. He says, "Why? I bet anything that fella's marriage is not all what its cracked up to be. Because if it was he wouldn't try so hard to convince not only others but himself that it is." Just makes me feel kind of bad when I hear him shout how glorious it all is. Maybe I'm doing something wrong?
Trialbyfire Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 If someone puts you on a pedestal, you have a long way to fall. Bouncing is no fun... On the otherhand, it's kinda' sweet when someone who loves you, thinks highly of you. It's a fine line between bragging and full-on appreciation of who you're with.
EnigmasMuse Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I have always heard those who brag alot, things are not usually the way they make it out to be. Maybe something went really wrong in his marriage at one point, and when things got back on track, he has spent most of his time feeling the need to make sure she knows she is all that to him by telling her, himself, and others?
lost4ever Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Well I don't know about "nice" and "happy" ALL the time, but he sure brags ALL the time. I even began to feel somewhat jealous. :confused:Not sure why, because I love my wife very much. We seem to get along well, sure we have had our share of bumps in the road, but so far, I feel we are doing good. I have told others how much I love her and how I feel she is great, yada yada yada, but I don't do it in away where it comes across as her or we are both "saint like". I told a buddy of mine, maybe I need to start bragging more. He says, "Why? I bet anything that fella's marriage is not all what its cracked up to be. Because if it was he wouldn't try so hard to convince not only others but himself that it is." Just makes me feel kind of bad when I hear him shout how glorious it all is. Maybe I'm doing something wrong? Please don't think you are doing anything wrong, I can almost say without a doubt your wife doesn't want this. Do you know how hard it is to walk into spouses functions for work when all he does is brag about you? The exceptations are so high your doomed from the moment you walk in...you can see everyone in the room rolling there eyes saying öh, she isn't that great" I still don't know to this day why my H was sooooooo happy with me, (believe me I don't deserve it), all I really know is it is annoying! If you are happy and you tell your spouse they are wonderful, that's enough you don't need to tell everyone else in the world how happy you are.
Author JackJack Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Please don't think you are doing anything wrong, I can almost say without a doubt your wife doesn't want this. Do you know how hard it is to walk into spouses functions for work when all he does is brag about you? The exceptations are so high your doomed from the moment you walk in...you can see everyone in the room rolling there eyes saying öh, she isn't that great" I still don't know to this day why my H was sooooooo happy with me, (believe me I don't deserve it), all I really know is it is annoying! If you are happy and you tell your spouse they are wonderful, that's enough you don't need to tell everyone else in the world how happy you are. Thanks. Yeah guess it was a temporary thought for a moment to think doing this would be such a good thing. I think I'll keep doing what I'm doing. For all I know, his wife may not even like it when he does this. It might be more for himself than it is for her anyway?
reboot Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Marriage is hard, and none of them are perfect. I don't recall ever bragging a lot on my marriage per se. ... However ... There was a time when I'm sure my friends did get quite sick of hearing about about how wonderful my wife was. Karma is a real bitch isn't it.
PandorasBox Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Maybe something went really wrong in his marriage at one point, and when things got back on track, he has spent most of his time feeling the need to make sure she knows she is all that to him by telling her, himself, and others? __________________ That might it too. I think though its more about HIM trying to see things in this light rather than making HER or others see things in a certain light. Maybe he lacks some kind of self esteem and he feels if he builds HER up more than himself, others will see them as being great together, if that makes any sense. He is bragging on HER but its HIM that needs the validation, I guess is what I'm trying to say. In other words whatever the real issue might be, it lies more with how HE feels or sees things, than how she feels or sees things.
Author JackJack Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Marriage is hard, and none of them are perfect. I don't recall ever bragging a lot on my marriage per se. ... However ... There was a time when I'm sure my friends did get quite sick of hearing about about how wonderful my wife was. Karma is a real bitch isn't it. I'm not sure what karma being a real bitch has to do with my post, but ok. I get mixed messages from him at times. He make sure after he boasts about things, that he also says, "I'm not bragging and I know you all think it might come off like it is." And then he will add at times, how others see him as being really humble. I thought if you're humble you don't brag like that.
quankanne Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Marriage is hard, and none of them are perfect. I don't recall ever bragging a lot on my marriage per se. :laugh: however, I *do* make it a point to tell my husband that I got damned lucky with him whenever I hear my sisters or friends start kvetching about their spouses, but he's caught on to that. "What'd so and so do now?" he'll ask ...
Cobra_X30 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I still don't know to this day why my H was sooooooo happy with me, (believe me I don't deserve it), all I really know is it is annoying! If you are happy and you tell your spouse they are wonderful, that's enough you don't need to tell everyone else in the world how happy you are. Its because your internal mirror is like one from a funhouse! If you cant percieve yourself properly, being treated this way will create confusion and pain. JackJack, Some guys feel the need to project the idea of perfection about thier marriage. Yeah, its often false, but most of the guys who do this try as hard as they can to believe it. Its what they think marraige is supposed to be!
reboot Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I'm not sure what karma being a real bitch has to do with my post, but ok. Sorry, that was an inside joke to myself.
Kasan Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I have a friend who does the same thing--her husband, this, her husband that. What I discovered about her marriage was, she felt that she had married up. She honestly pinches herself because she can't believe someone as wonderful as her husband married her. She is not bragging--she just can't believe how lucky she is. They have a great marriage! I hope that he never disappoints her.
Author JackJack Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 I have a friend who does the same thing--her husband, this, her husband that. What I discovered about her marriage was, she felt that she had married up. She honestly pinches herself because she can't believe someone as wonderful as her husband married her. She is not bragging--she just can't believe how lucky she is. They have a great marriage! I hope that he never disappoints her. Oh I do believe people can have a wonderful marriage no doubt. I also find nothing wrong with feeling lucky about the great gal or guy one married. I guess for some reason its just hit me as odd that some need to make it known how wonderful things are so much.
Kasan Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I guess for some reason its just hit me as odd that some need to make it known how wonderful things are so much. Well in my friend's case, her husband is the center of her universe. Maybe your co-worker's wife is the center of his. I wonder if it's healthy, but maybe it works for them. Me, I like my marriage to fly under the radar. But did I tell you, my husband is really handsome, got a great body, works really hard, cooks and he cleans too? :p:laugh:
lost4ever Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Oh I do believe people can have a wonderful marriage no doubt. I also find nothing wrong with feeling lucky about the great gal or guy one married. I guess for some reason its just hit me as odd that some need to make it known how wonderful things are so much.[/quote] there, you got my point of view down to a science...my work is done Cobra- A fun house?? how did you come up with that??? LOL (I am still waiting on your post, got me intrigued with the last one over on other forum)
HotnBothered Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 My father-in-law does this all the time! With his 2nd wife. The thing is we know her and how perfect she is NOT. He constantly tells people she is a good woman....on and on and on. But the truth is, he is embarrassed that he left his first wife for a slacker and he is trying to convince everyone (and himself) how great she is. Really sad. Kinda like tooting your own horn. You must not be that great if you gotta tell everyone how good you are.
PandorasBox Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 I don't know, but for some reason I get this mental picture when I hear about how much people brag about their spouse or marriage, and things like that Mary Winkler case comes to mind. Not sure why. Maybe it has something to do with how there are some people who paint a pretty picture for others and maybe even themselves, when infact its not like that at all. You hear of things like that happening when something goes really wrong in a marriage or realtionship, and the first thing that is said is how everyone thought they had a wonderful marriage, or how things seem really good and that they were happy, they looked like a family that others would look up to etc etc. I'm not saying that can't or doesn't happen to people who are in bad situations and make it known to others that they are, but for some reason I get that picture in my head of people glossing up their relationship and then come to find out it was horrible or even worse after all. NOT always, but sometimes.
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