Amy22 Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 That has to be hard for you especially since you work together. I am the opposite this weekend has been awful. When is he going on vacation? Are you still going to have to talk to him about work related issues while he is gone? I understand waking up crying. This weekend I work up remembered my life and made myself go back to sleep. I repeated this for about 5 hours until I could not make myself go back to sleep anymore. You wake up and instantly this empty feeling and sadness come over you. I hope the week goes good for you. Keep us up to date.
Amy22 Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 I just posted another quote in another thread here and thought I would post some for you that really help me. I read them everytime I get really down. "Just because something good ends doesn't mean something better won't begin." "Life is to short for regrets." "Love the people who treat you right, forget the ones who don't." "Letting go of someone dear to you is hard, but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder. Giving up doesn't mean you are weak! It only means that you are strong enough to let go!" "Don't waste your time on a man/women who is not willing to waste their time on you." "If your love does not work with that person, it just means that someone else loves you more." "Why keep your life on hold, for hope?" "Advice is only asked to be given when you know the true answer; you just don't want to believe it."
Author amythan Posted October 28, 2007 Author Posted October 28, 2007 Amy, sorry to heard you have an awuful we. I completely understand how you feel. You have your family and friends to protect you and talk to you, me is different. My family and friends and not even living here and people i know in this country are mostly people to go out and have fun but not close friends. I moved several times in the last years (because of work) so you unserstand why move to London is not a big deal for me. He went on vacation last friday. We do not have so many work issues to discuss but he is in the conversations, cc in every email .. but i can skip direct contact. Actually i think his email last wednesday was to check what my atitude was. Just Hi ... how are u doing? and a very stupid work related question .. I just answered the question. Problem is we used to chat all day long. This is what I miss. My work friend asked me last friday why you seem sad (she is not aware about anything because we decided to be prudent at work) and i just said I miss my buddy. Hope you have a good week. Keep me up to date too and thanks for the quotes !
Author amythan Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 I wanted to txt my ex just to say i hope u are having fun but instead I phoned a friend of mine. He told me everything i didn't want to hear but it made change my mind. He told me I am being ridiculous, your ex is having fun without you and it is nothing you can do. You are over-analyzing the situation and reality is he dumped you and he tried to check up on you because you were so nice that he was feeling guilty. That's all. You asked him again and you did a mistake because nobody likes begging. You put too much pressure on him with your friendly attitude but he does not love you enough to be with you. It is nothing you can do to change his mind and in any case he knows where you are. You are always there and he lost interest on you. Move on because he is not coming back and moreover you are idealizing someone who is not as good as you think. He also said that I am trying so hard because he is 'a challenge' ... It is strange but these words made me open my eyes and even if I am still very sad i know that now i should move on. Trying to do not fool myself again ..
Amy22 Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I wanted to say good job in not texting him and calling a friend instead. You should be proud of yourself I know how hard that is.
Author amythan Posted October 29, 2007 Author Posted October 29, 2007 Thank you Amy! This is very difficult and my mind changes twenty times per minute .. lways wondering and waiting but today i was so busy that it was almost fine. Just had the bad idea to check the emails he sent when we were together .. Stupid. How are you doing ? Hope you are doing fine.
Author amythan Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 It has been one week and a half in nc .. i am starting to be used too. It does not mean i do not think of him, i do, too much. During this time I realized several things. First one, he will not be back. I should learn to move on because he wants something which is not me. Second, I love him deeply. This is not a whim, i am crazy about him, really in love. I will contact him one day, just to be sure he is doing fine but without any expectation, our lives will not go together anymore. But I will never ask him again, i am done, he is losing me and he does not care so I do not have any reason to try again. Now is too soon to talk. I will continue with my life without any regret, it will be fine. Just miss him every second.
Amy22 Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 I am sorry things are so hard, I understand what you are feeling and unfortunatly there isn't anything anyone can do to make the hurt go away. But I can promise you that you won't miss him every second. As time goes on it becomes less and less. I don't think it starts to get better until you finally let go, otherwise you hanging in limbo with hope that it will work. It sounds like you have finally made the decision it is over and I hope things really start to get better for you and everyday you think of him less and less and the pain is less and less.
Author amythan Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 I thought I started to be over him .. well, i thought. I tried to convince me that i could contact him to stablish some friendship. I went on vacation and i had a great time but every new thing i saw or happened to i wanted to tell him .. I do not know .. It is two weeks without any contact and he is not going to contact me for sure. I know this as a fact. But i think this is too extreme, I feel childish because I am trying to remove him from my life because I cannot deal with this situation. I want to contact him, knowing that he is over me and perhaps going out with someone else .. Is this a good idea ?? It will be painful for me but this situation is also painful and i would like to keep him in my life. Am i trying to convince myself that the only reason is 'friendship' or it is because i refuse to let him go ??? I am very confused about my feelings. I know the facts and i accept them but i am missing him so badly ...
Amy22 Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I am sorry you are feeling this way amythan. Do you really think you could be friends with him at this point. I tried that in a previous relationship and it didn't work. Even though I tried to make myself believe it was just for friends deep down I was really hoping that friends would turn into more. It made the process of getting over him so much harder and longer. I wouldn't allow myself and believe I couldn't get over him while I talked with him. I had to hear about his new girlfriend. I tried so hard to make him want me instead of her and did a lot of stupid things. It really just made things so much harder because I couln't get over him with him in my life. Now four years later we do talk every now and then. But I had to cut off contact and get over him first. We tried to be friends for about 6 months and then when I finally cut the friendship off it was like we broke up all over again. My hope was gone. I had to struggle not to call him. It would have been so much easier to have just done that in the beginning. I would have saved myself so much heart ache. Only you can decide what is best for you. Just stop and think if you can push down your love and pretend to just want to be friends with him. I know you say if you contact him it will be painful but this situation is painful. Just imagine talking to him and giving up the progress you have made. Having to start over with no contact and telling yourself that you have to move on without him. Do you want to do that? I don't think that you refuse to let him go. It just takes time. I don't think anyone can say well I am just going to let that person go and then never think about them again, not when they loved that person. Understand that you are doing good. That this is going to take time. And sometimes you are going to want to do things that may temporarly make you feel good think about long term. If you do this and be friends where will you be in six months? What about if you keep doing what you are doing now and don't contact him where will you be in six months? What situation do you want? I think you are doing a great job. It is hard. Be strong and keep me up to date.
Author amythan Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 NO ! I did it ... BIG MISTAKE ! I was sure I could do it. I felt very stupid because I must handle this as an adult and be able to have a friendly relationship with him, not become strangers. This makes me even more sad. And moreover, i was convienced we are done and i was over him .. I do not want to be a selfish child, I want him to be happy even if he is not with me, i want to know how is he doing ... Yesterday I sent the friendly email i am great, i had lots of fun on holiday, how was yours .. just casual buddies catching up .. He replies this morning. Same thing, I am great, it seems you had lots of fun, i had the time of my life, jokes ... As he is, small talk guy .. And .. I started to cry and i felt that everything is starting again .. I didn't reply. I can not entry again in the 'ten email per day situation'. I NEED to move on, i realized he does not love me enough to stay with me so ... why wasting my life crying ? Definetly the friends thing is too difficult now but i am scared if i am not in touch now we will never be friends again ... He told me last time we talked that keep in close touch was also hard for him. I haven't asked him why. Sometimes i think he is completely over me but he does not want to see how hurt i am or hurt me even more .. I do not think it is difficult for him because of his feelings. But anyway, it does not matter.
Amy22 Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I don't think just because you do the no contact that you can't be freinds down the road and never talk to him again. It is just important to do it while you are trying to move on. My ex that I have refered to before who I am friends with we didn't talk for about 8 months I think because it was to hard for me. Then one day he called me and I was ok with it. It didn't make me feel worse and sense then we talk about once a month. So it is possible just not yet. Not until you can get over him. We can talk now about my relationship and his and it doesn't bother me at all. He is now married and adopted this ladies two children and he tells me about them. And none of it bothers me. I tell him about my relationship problems and it doesn't bother him. But in the beginning that isn't possible but it doesn't mean it can't ever happen. I think if he was completly over you it wouldn't bother him to talk to you and he said it does bother him. Good Job for not replying to his email. If you are afraid that if you don't talk now you could never be friends you could say it is to hard for me right now. But I do want to be friends it just isn't possible for me or you right now. Can we wait a few months and see how we feel then as I don't want to lose you as a friend. That way it leaves that opening for one of you to contact the other in a few months. Only you can decide what is best for you long term. Try not to think about today and how you feel and what you want but what you want 6 months from now and how you can make sure that happens. Stay Strong.
Author amythan Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 ok, now it is completely clear in my mind. I was pretending i want to be his friend but i want to be his girlfriend ! This friendship thing was just a lie, just thinking that if i stay around he will be in love wit me. So this is the reason why this buddy type email kills me. I even agree with him, this has not right to go on, we do not have any future together so why hold on it ?? We lead very different lives, we will always face problems together and between us there are not the right feelings to even try. Just wondering if sometimes he still thinks of me, if he miss me somedays. Because I do. But i not want to ruin our memories with a needy/pathetic and desperate behaviour. Time to move on, we are done.
head.heart& hand Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I dont mean to seem harsh, yet I would imagine most people reading this post would question your intent in "wanting to stay friends" (introduced in very early in your posts). This kind of language typically implies a manipulation or desperation strategy.
Author amythan Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 I guess that it is not he best thing to try right now because i am still hurt. But we were friends before being together and i would like to keep him in my life. It does not mean we should pretend to be best friends ever but i think become strangers is pretty sad. Even more the fact of no contact at all make everything awkward, as if we can not be as we really are. I am not planning to send him ten emails without having any answer, drunken calls or questions about his dates, just be normal. Why do you think this implies a manipulation ? Because he will feel so guilty that he will be back ? No worries, he is big enough to do not accept this game and i am also big enough to know that when it is over is over.
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