amythan Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I posted here before so I am not repeating the full story .. Just we broke up in September because he didn't want to have a LDR and if I move he feels we are forcing a commitment which he is not ready to take .. Excuses .. He just do not love me enough, he does but not enough. He told me he needs to find his path and this commitment now it is not possible and he should sacrifice something .. which is me .. We decide to stay friends and we discussed every day. Perhaps he wanted this contact to check if I am doing fine or just to feel less guilty. I do not know but I was dying with all the confusing signs .. Always wonder why he contacts me, why he says that … So after one month I sent him an email explaining what I feel and I want to be with him … Perhaps a mistake .. We spoke during hours and he always said he has many feelings or me but this is not possible now. He told me that he can not say it is over forever but I can not hold on .. I am going insane .. I explained that this daily contact is very hurtful and now he is losing me for good, he said that for him it is also difficult .. So we stop emails two days ago. It is very difficult for me, I love him, I do not want to lose and … yes, I still want him back. During these two days I start to have mixed feelings .. I hate him because he is not contacting me, I start to analyze our relationship and I realize that he was playing with me from the beginning .. I am confusing myself and I am losing perspective .. I wonder if his feelings are real or if it is just pity .. and this would make me furious because I do not need pity from anyone. But when I talk to him I feel he cares .. Is this normal ? I do not want to ruin my memories and I would like to keep him in my life but why he is not fighting to keep me in his life at least as a friend ?? I find stay in NC very drastic and I was thinking to reestablish a LC .. I do not want to remove him from my life as if he has never existed … Please I need some advice … I feel very sad without him and I miss his laugh more than anything ..
Author amythan Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 I did everything wrong .. I thought if I was honest he will change his mind but the conversation turned weird and he sais that this is not possible right now. This was wrong because now he is awkward and feeling guilty. I asked him to stop contact and he agreed but i did wrong ! When i could talk to him I was happy, we laugh and he was there for me .. now i have nothing .. I am stressed and anxious because I can not talk to him and every second is a fight .. but I am stuck because i do not want to bother him or show weakness .. and we agreed the NC. I love him and my life was better with him, now i feel a very deep sadness. When he told on sunday i am going to miss you so much, bye sweetie .. it was as if he died !! I do not want this .. and i do not know what to do.
Author amythan Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Very sad, always wondering if he miss me, always fighting to do not contact him .. It is so weird so stop to talk with someone without any particular reason .. I love him but i think that if he does not think this is worth it .. I can not waste my life waiting for him. And i should admit, i still want him back ..
lexi29 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Very sad, always wondering if he miss me, always fighting to do not contact him .. It is so weird so stop to talk with someone without any particular reason .. I love him but i think that if he does not think this is worth it .. I can not waste my life waiting for him. And i should admit, i still want him back .. I know what you are going thru, my ex left me three weeks ago and from the sounds of it you are about a week behind me in the recovery process. What you are going thru is what I was fighting the last two weeks. Let me tell you that as much as it hurts, no contact is not as painful as trying to be friends with your ex or having him call you once in awhile to say he misses you. It is very weird to have someone who was in your life for long and was so important to you suddenly not there and not available to talk to. It sounds as though you loved him very much and that you wouldn't be happy being in his life just as a casual friend. It is difficult to be demoted from #1 in his life to nothing. You are probably a good person with a lot to offer someone so do you really want to waste your life waiting for a guy who may or may not come back to you? Right now you are probably wanting him back so badly because there is this huge void where he used to be. I know my ex is a horrible person and not at all what I thought he was but still if it would take away this pain and loneliness I would probably welcome him back into my life. No contact is probably the best thing. It does get easier, I promise you that because I"ve lived thru it the last few weeks. I was doing ok till he called me, told me he was thinking of me. Then it started the depression and the emotions and missing him all over again. So not talking to your ex at all is definately the way to go.
Author amythan Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Thank you lexi, it helps me so much you talk with someone about this. I think NC it is he right thing to do but at the same time i would like to stay friends. Perhaps in the future. Problem is I am still thinking he can come back. Now with perspective I see that perhaps his words are just signs of guilty conscience. He did very wrong with me because he was a coward. He faded away without any explanation and just when i insisted he explained me he have many feeling for me but he is not in his best frame of mind to have a commitment. I excused everything and stayed friends. In my mind friends meant hold on ... silly, yes but better than nothing. Last weekend I told him that this is very hurtful and he agreed. He said I am going to miss you so much, bye sweetie. It was horrible, just out of my life in a second. He is not going to call me. I told I need to forget you, told me if this is over forever and you lose me and he said .. I cannot tell you that except if you want me to lie !! So i am still wonder what does it mean .. I admit that i stay NC because i want him back .. stupid, wrong ... but why was he sending me ten emails per day after our break up ?? Pity, check if i am doing fine, guilty, bored ..??? I am always wonder what he feels and why this is not possible .. I guess he loves me but not enough to try a LDR ... Who knows ..
Amy22 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I broke up with my boyfriend and I know he cared about me like you said yours did and I think that makes it harder sometimes. It would be easier if we knew they didn't care. I think you are doing the right thing by NC, but only you can make that decision. One thing that has helped me not contact him is I want him to miss me. How can he miss you if you are still calling? How can he realize if he really needs you in his life? If he doesn't realize those things you should be happy you guys are broke up becuase you deserve someone who would fight for you. You asked why he doesn't fight to keep you in his life but I don't see him ever having to because you are already there. Does that make sense? He isn't going to fight for something that is there. Now if I understand it has only been 2 days with NC? I would give it more time. One thing I have done is post here to other peoples stories. I have also started a myspace page and looked for old friends. Keep yourself busy. I don't think you did anything wrong. I think before when you talked you had more hope and now it is harder because he isn't there giving you the hope that everything will be ok. I understand how hard it is not to contact. I have gone to bed at 7 at night. I have called every friend I have to stay off the phone. I have eaten everything in my house. And I have posted online. You can do it. Believe in yourself. Believe that you are doing this for you, your happiness and your future. Fight for what you deserve because no one else will. Again I feel like you do, I don't want to sit aroung and waste my life but I want him back. I just then have to remind my self of the reality. If I am important to him he will come back. He knows the door is open as long as he will work on things. I think a broken heart is the worst thing in the world. It hurts and there is nothing you can do to stop it. But occuping your mind does help. If you need someone to talk to let me know. I will post back and forth with you here. I am not sure of the rules but I will PM you if you have aol or msn and you can talk and pour your heart out. Just don't call him.
hopeforlove243 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Hang in there... I am in the same boat, especially I am starting NC again today -- after last night, I just deleted his phone number, his email address. I had to come home early today cause i can't function, I want to call him so bad this afternoon, but i started clean my driveway, clean my house, and get on internet, so I don't call him. I still cry a lot, I don't even know how many times I cried today so far, but at least I am not contacting him. Just hang in there.
Author amythan Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 It definetly helps to have someone to talk. I feeling very confused and i do not think i can share all this with anyone else. My friends do not understand and just say he does not deserve you, move on. But it is not that easy. I also want he miss me, i want him to realize that i am losing him but he is also losing me. Perhaps he does not care. This is something who drives me insane, why he is telling me that he has feelings for me, he cares if i sleep with someone else and blah, blah .. Amy, thank you for your msg, i am feeling less lonely .. I do not have msm - blocked at work ! I understand everything you said and I think you are right. He does not to fight because i always be there. I can not understand how I could lose my mind like that .. I did things which shamed me and i cannot recognize myself .. But this is difficult because we have professional contact. Half an hour ago i got an email from him .. I was doing fine, keeping myself busy ... Email was work related but the subject was Hi ... How are you ? So I started to stress out and now i am very sad again. And very dissapointed because I replied No worries, I will take care of that. What is that ???? We spent two hours at the phone on sunday and now we are playing the strangers ! I feel childish and stupid. I want him to miss me but i do not want to lose him also as a friend forever ... I am just hurt and everything I do seems so wrong ...
Author amythan Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 He sent another work related email ... we are strangers ... It is weird and very painful. Last week we talked every day, laughing and making jokes .. Yes, stupid small talk but he was there. I did very wrong once after our break up and he was there supporting me .. Last sunday we talked about projects and many stupid things .. It was my 'idea' to stop to have contact and now i am sending him emails with Best Regards !!!!!! He goes on holiday this Friday i should say at least have fun .. I just need a step back, get perspective and convince myself this is over - now, i am still holding on .. but I do not want to do something which removes him from my life. Just very sad, i have too many fixed feelings .. but i am not over him yet so ...
Author amythan Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 I am thinking about keeping on NC .. I scared, it was my idea, I do not know how it came up into the conversation .. well, I know. I wanted to make him feel bad, I told him that given that he has not the same feelings i have i need to forget him, see other people and stop this hurftul contact. He told me he finds this also hard. I told him now you are losing me and i got I am going to miss you so much ... But, do i want this NC ? What happens if he does not contact me anymore ? If he does not care ? What do i prefer keep him in my life as someone who is important to me or an awkward stranger ? Is this an adult behaviour ? Or i just trying to have an excuse to be around? I want him back but i start to realize that perhaps he will not come back. In this scenario what to chose friendship or nothing ? I do not know, i scared because i do not know if this NC is helping him to forget me and i am still thinking of him .. Too many questions but i do not feel able to make a decision here .. always feeling that i am doing wrong but i need to keep some self-respect ..
Amy22 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 I understand how you feel. I am going through the same things. Wondering why he doesn't want to fight for what he is losing. Why does it seem like I am hurthing way more then him. Why do I want to make it work and he doesn't really seem to care. And why does he seem to have it put together and I am a mess. I think those are all normal questions and doubts in our minds. Unfortunatly, I don't have an answer to any of those questions. Not in your situation or mine. I also agree that it is so easy for other people to say move on. It is so hard to give up love, to turn around and walk away. But sometimes I feel like maybe that is what my guy is doing. No one deserves someone who would let that go easily. It is so hard to tell what he could be thinking, he could be confused or anything. I think the bottom line you have to remember is whatever his reason is, you don't deserve to be treated this way. Maybe one day he will realize that and treat you better and start showing you his feelings and not feel like strangers. But if you talk to him and act like best friends he will not have a reason to change. He won't have to work at all to keep you. I think it is normal to hold on for awhile. It is a really hard thing to let go. I also feel like maybe by not contacting him I am pushing him away or he will turn it around on me and say well you never called or acted like you wanted to get back together. I think from your posts it sounds like you are doing well. You have not let on to him that you are a mess right now. You should be proud of yourself for that because I know it is hard not to just say everything you feel. I am no expert on this, so I don't want to say you should say nc or not. I think that is only something you can decide. I do have to say reading all these posts so many people believe in it, it has to work somewhat. One thing I did that helped me was when I broke things off with my boyfriend becuase of the way he was treating me I made sure he knew I loved him and if he could and would change I want to be with him. I think that helps becuase during this no contact everytime I think he is going to walk away becuase I am not calling him and he will think I am done, I know what I told him and I know that that isn't true. If he does walk away we will both know it wasn't because of me not contacting him. Do you think your ex knows how much you love him? Do you think even if you don't tell him he knows how bad you are hurting? Really stop and think would he know you want to be with him? I think from your post your answers will be yes. Well if this is the case you can never blame yourself and say things didn't work out because you did no contact becuase he knows. He shouldn't expect you to sit around and what and by not contact him it shows you aren't. I think that makes women more appealing, that they have enough self esteem to care about themselves. I think it sounds like you are doing the right things. Keep up the good work and keep us posted. Maybe someone with some more experience with no contact can give you some good advice.
Author amythan Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Amy, thank you for your time. I hope you are doing fine. I do not know the circumstances of your break up but it seems that you see things with good perspective and everything makes perfect sense to me. I am fine, just fine. Trying to be focus on work because last weeks have been awful. I am still thinking too much about this, but reality is that he is not coming back. I got many confusing messages which I was willing to use as a hope. I do not think he did on purpose, he felt guilty .. just too young to realize that pity is a wrong feeling. He has feelings for me, I know this as a fact, but he is not ready for a commitment and he can not see a future in this relationship. I can not blame him, he is living in another country and he is much younger than me. I knew him two years ago and we got involved without looking for it, I am really in love with him but he decided to put the breaks on. I can not even say he is wrong. This was really hard because both of us wanted to keep in touch, just to do not lose each other, but it was too hurtful. I let him play with me, I decided to do not put pressure on him even if I needed answers. It was a very bad strategy. Our break up is a good example. We spend two days together and I was suppose to be back two weeks after. I arrived at home and I got an email: I would like to be with you to hold you and kiss you. I was soooooo happy. I send him an email asking about how many days he wants me to stay there and with a plan for a weekend …. Two weeks without an answer ! The day before going (it was a work trip) I asked him about his behavior. Long email saying 'I think it is just not right for this to go on. Where is this going ? Where do you think we are headed ? You know as well as I do there is no future in this … I have given it much thought .. believe me .. Sorry'. I was devastated. And even though I saw him and we laugh and we cuddle, and talk and cry and I am so stupid that I said it is fine, you misbehave but I am sure you did the best you could … This was early September and after we keep in touch every day, all day long sending emails .. I miss him in my life. I do not think he has the same feelings I have, if this was the case he would not turn away .. but I am still wonder .. Our last conversation was weird. I sent him an email just explaining how I am in love with him, and I was ready to try but if he needs time it sis ok because I am not rushed. The phone call was the answer to this email. So he knows I love him but he also knows I am trying to move on. I felt I was losing him for good even if he does not want to say this is over forever .. This is his melodramatic and guilty speech but now he is partying with his friends without looking back .. I do not care if he is with other girls, he told me he cares if I do, but this is about feelings. We are not together he can do everything he wants but I will be really sad if he starts a relationship. I do not know if you can see any sense here but write this helps me to get some perspective and organize my mind. Sorry for being long … Regarding the NC I have doubts. I do not want be strangers but the best friend game was too confusing. I am not going to block him in facebook, or remove his email or number - firstly because we work together ! but also because I find it a little bit drastic. Now I am hurt but not upset, I do not blame him, I am just sad, lonely and left.
Author amythan Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 I am less sad, keeping very busy with work. My feelings are not completely defined and my mind is still quite confused but posting here helps me to see the whole picture with some distance. I did wrong during our relationship because i was so scared about losing him that i permited everything. But i was a good person with him with honest feelings. When we broke up he said that the problem was circumstances not feelings. I gave him some time and i explained how i feel. He said i have these feelings but i can not deal with everything now, i need to sacrifice something and it is you. so he does not care enough, i am not a priority as he is for me. Now I decided to move on, i feel terrible but if he is going to sacrifice me i can not stay waiting because i deserve better. He knows how i feel but it s not woth it for him. Fair enough, in this case for me neither. I stay with nc because i am not ready to talk to him. Maybe in two or three weeks, if he is a friend he will understand my no contact. If not, I have better friends and i do not see why he deserves my time and share my things. It will be fine. I am very sad but i repeat myself this every minute and it helps.
Amy22 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 My ex and I also got invloved without looking for it. Atleast he wasn't. Maybe that makes it harder for him. I am also older then him, I am 25 and he is 22. If you don't mind me asking what is the age difference between you and your ex? That is very confusing the email he sent you stating he wanted to hold you??? No wonder you would be confused. I would jump for joy if I had received that message to. My ex sent me a message yesterday asking how I was doing and I almost ran into the cubicle wall trying to get to my friend at work to tell her. I think they send messages like this in their week moments. Like you said you know he cares about you. I am sure he is struggling right now to. Just like you are trying to be strong in front of him he is probably trying to do the same in front of you. It sounds like he is struggling, one day he says one thing and another day he says something different. I know I do the same but it changes more like every minute, one minute I say I don't deserve this and won't put up with it and the nexy I am looking at my phone and want to call him and pour out my heart and ask to get back together. It is like a roller coaster ride. And though I am trying to keep my distance unless he contacts me I really do hope things work out. And as long as I hope that it will take longer for me to move on. My ex is also out partying all the time. He is sick all the time from drinking to much or just sleeps the next day away. But he complains he is depressed. I said well what do you expect you go and get completly trashed 3-4 nights a week. Whether this is true or not he said it was becuase it made him forget the problems, the pain and everything. While I know that is not a good way to deal with things I can tell you after work I have had several glasses of wine to help me. I think that is good that you told him you loved him. That way even if you don't contact him he still knows how you feel. He will also remember all the loving things you did for him over the course of your relationship. Just like we do. So he knows that he could call you and try and talk things over if he wants, even though you are not contacting him. Heim saying he cares if you were with someone else shows he cares. Truthfully in that mind set I doubt he would be with any other girls. I think he is just trying to go out with friends so he isn't sitting around thinking about you. I don't think he would start a relationship. It is obvious he is not over you. Everything you said makes sense. I am in the same situation and it all makes perfect sense to me. I also know that writing helps. Responding to other people, talking and realizing you are not alone. Also reading these and realizing that regardless of the outcomes you will be happy one day. I promise you that. I was with a guy before for 5 years. I seriously didn't think I would live after he cheated on me and left. You know what 4 years later I am fine. I am happy it happened. I can now look back with a clear head without the love and hurt and know it was a good thing. If things don't work out as far away as it seems now one day you will be able to do the same. I know I will to. The problem is getting to that mind set, especially when you don't want any of this to happen. That is my problem right now I don't want this, so why would I want to get over him. But as time goes on you will and I will if we have to. I also question NC. What I have been trying to stick to his I let him contact me. or try to. When he does I don't whine, pressure him or anything. I try to be happy and strong. I think that makes them think. I am not going to ignore him when he contacts me because I am afraid he would give up. But I know right now he does not want me to be clingy or crying and that those things will push him away. Every relationship is different, everyone is different and what works for one may not work for another. You know him, you know yourself and you know the relationship so you have to decide what is best. I agree that is doesn't seem like he deserves your time. It is just so hard to understand when you can see it is hard for him that he would sacrific you. My ex lives in another state and just moved there and that is what prompted a lot of our problems. Having to be far apart is really difficult. How far apart are the two of you? Is it long term or short term. Do you think he is doing this becuase he doesn't see away to make the relationship work in the current situation? If that is the case is there anyway to change the situation? Could either of you move closer to the other person? No relationship is perfect and in every relationship I think at sometime both parties have done wrong. What matters is if you are willing to try to change so those things don't happen again. I know in my situation I have to make changes if I want him back. On is showing I am strong and not going to put up with crap. Another is being less clingy and crabby. Our situation sucks being far away but right now there is nothing we can do. My problem is that even when we can do something he doesn't know if he wants to. I hope this distances shows him he does. If it doesn't I must move on. You said he is going on a vacation. Do you think it is one that will allow him to really get away and think about things? It might do him some good. Keep me up to date and stay strong. Always remember you are a wonderful person and deserve to be treated like one. If not by this guy then someone else is out there who will.
SandyRose Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I broke up with my boyfriend and I know he cared about me like you said yours did and I think that makes it harder sometimes. It would be easier if we knew they didn't care. I think you are doing the right thing by NC, but only you can make that decision. One thing that has helped me not contact him is I want him to miss me. How can he miss you if you are still calling? How can he realize if he really needs you in his life? If he doesn't realize those things you should be happy you guys are broke up becuase you deserve someone who would fight for you. You asked why he doesn't fight to keep you in his life but I don't see him ever having to because you are already there. Does that make sense? He isn't going to fight for something that is there. Now if I understand it has only been 2 days with NC? I would give it more time. One thing I have done is post here to other peoples stories. I have also started a myspace page and looked for old friends. Keep yourself busy. I don't think you did anything wrong. I think before when you talked you had more hope and now it is harder because he isn't there giving you the hope that everything will be ok. I understand how hard it is not to contact. I have gone to bed at 7 at night. I have called every friend I have to stay off the phone. I have eaten everything in my house. And I have posted online. You can do it. Believe in yourself. Believe that you are doing this for you, your happiness and your future. Fight for what you deserve because no one else will. Again I feel like you do, I don't want to sit aroung and waste my life but I want him back. I just then have to remind my self of the reality. If I am important to him he will come back. He knows the door is open as long as he will work on things. I think a broken heart is the worst thing in the world. It hurts and there is nothing you can do to stop it. But occuping your mind does help. If you need someone to talk to let me know. I will post back and forth with you here. I am not sure of the rules but I will PM you if you have aol or msn and you can talk and pour your heart out. Just don't call him. That's such a great post. You made me realize a lot of things too. My ex broke up with me, and i found myself lost and confused and just didn't have answers to anything. But your post is so great. Thanks for writing that.
Author amythan Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 I am trying to keep myself very busy at work but it is not always easy given that I check my email every few seconds. I am very sad but I am proud of myself, I am not going to contact him but I am afraid he will not contact me either. He is going on vacation, I would like to say at least have fun but it is not possible. I think of him every minute and I check his facebook page every hour .. childish and hurtful .. He is not going to think during the next week, just going out, drink and have fun … He is similar to your ex, always going out, drinking and saying that it is because he needs to be distracted given he is not in his best frame of mind. He is a party guy, cheeky, small talk, jokes .. but he is not a superficial person. He is smart and plenty of projects. I am trying to do not think too much about his reasons. I am not really sure that the only reason to leave someone is because you are not attracted to them and do not love them. Perhaps feelings are not everything in a relationship, he told me once that this does not make sense, he wants something going somewhere and he does not think we can achieve a goal together. Or perhaps he does not love me enough. But I cannot waste my time wondering, it will not make me feel better. I can also see the difficulties but I was ready to try. We are very different people with perhaps even different ways to see life. It does not mean we are opposite but we grew up with different cultures. He is eight years younger than me and I guess this is kind of issue for him. Not for me but if I am completely honest I can understand why it is for him. We live in different countries but it is just one hour and a half by plane. For him this is the main problem and during some time I didn't understand why. He thinks a LD relationship is not feasible but I can spend as much time as I want there (we have offices in the UK) and if everything is fine move. For me it is not a big deal but for him it is. His point is if I move he gets so much responsibility and he will be committing more that he wants at this stage and if things go wrong after six months it will be worst .. I do not see this particular issue in the same way but I think he is honest. He thinks it is very complicated to deal with this relationship now because he has too many things to sort out in his life. I can see he cares about me - even if sometimes it seems he is feeling guilty - and we had such a close contact because we like to talk to each other and there is something between us which is not completely over. Everything went very fast and at some point he wanted to protect himself to do not be too attached. So I think the nc is also helping him to forget me. I agree with you, if he contacts me I will answer because I do not want he thinks I am upset or I want to push him away .. As you I also change my mind every minute. Now I want to talk to him, I miss him and I want to have our small talk and our teasing .. but it is a bad idea. But today I am missing him so much … work is not a distraction, we used to talk without pause ! Now my days are never ending .. He knows I love him and he knows I am trying to forget him. Now it is his call. I also had other relationships but all of them finished when my feelings were not so strong. I have never been so sad and I never let someone to be in a position to hurt me so badly. I am feeling pretty stupid, he does not want to be with me, he is having fun and I spent one hour crying. I am a fool. These posts help me to look things with more perspective and hear from other people makes me feel less lonely. See how you are facing the same situation and you are trying to be happy makes me see things differently.
tasha_982 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Dear Amythan, I completely understand what you are going thorugh, being in the same shoes and all. I can tell you this: With time it will be easier and you deserve someone better. Ask yourself this: even though you did break up, how will you be able to have him in you life as a friend, when all you want is to have him back as your BF? Amythan, think of this very difficult time as your time, time to do all the things that you didn't do when you were with him, and give your self time. Time does help. Right after my break up (3.5 years together wanted to get married * him 31 me 25 *) we didn't talk for a week. After that week we spoke on the phone work related, and somehow I realised that ALL I want is to have him in my life, even as a friend only. So we chatted, giggled, laughed and all other things but from work only. Then one day he asked me out for a drink. Ofcourse, as a woman I have to play hard to get, so I refuse the invitation (because I was Oh so busy) and agree to meet him 3 days later. I see him, for the first time 5 weeks after our break up, and I realise how much it hurts. So there we were, star crossed lovers, just sitting in a caffe talking about nothing... That is when it hit me, the reason he wanted me there was to help him get over me. He hurt me more than anyone else in my life, and I am sitting there pretending to be his friend, when all I want to do i kiss him and make him realise what he did. So I told him that I can't be his friend. After everything that happened, I can't get over him while he is there. Just think about the fact that you wont be able to look at another guy, because somehow deep down it will feel like cheating. So we said our goodbyes and we both left crying. Is it hard? Oh yes it is, but I deserve someone who will stand up for me and make me feel like I am Gods gift on earth, not someone who is not strong enough to fight for me. There is still this void and emptiness inside of me, but every day is a little bit easier (you can't really tell) but still it gets better. And every time you think of contacting him tell your self this: By calling him YOU are just helping him feel less guilty! Make him miss you! Besides If its ment to be....and Amythan I hope it's ment to be for you guys. Best of luck!!!
Author amythan Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 Tasha, i have given much thought to the possibility of being friends and you are right. Now I am not ready because I want him to be my boyfriend and every seems confusing. When he says I thought of you i want to see there more than affection. I want to restablish a friendship with him but it only could be possible when my feelings fade away. When i am ready to accept he is with someone else and feel happy for him. Now we are just strangers and it makes me so sad that i prefer to not contact him for a while. I still want him back ! He seems to deal with this better than me. After our break up I went out with a guy for dinner, he tried to kiss me and I flipped out. I went home in tears because i just want to be with my ex, the other guy insulted me .. anyway I did very wrong, I wanted to feel the gap and i was not ready .. I explained everything to him because I was so used to talk to him that i seemed natural to me, and he was the kindest person in the world. So sweet. He send me email saying that he respected me to react in this way, not worry, you can talk to me and i listen .... After i knew he sent an email to the other guy saying you are a weasel .. I know this was difficult for him because he told me after and I appreciate his effort to reassure me. I will never do as well as he did. So I know he will be a good friend but i need time. If I try now I will mess with my feelings again and i will ruin everything. I hope you are also doing better and good luck too !
Amy22 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 That is strange you say he doesn't want you to move there because of the responsibility. That is basically the same thing my ex said. Except he waited until he moved from where am. I told my job I was leaving and was replaced, I still currently have a job there but not much longer and I have put my condo on the market. So that is good he told you he wasn't ready for it before you got ready to move there. I think you have done all you can do. You are not playing his games. Maybe while he is on vacation he will drink and party but sooner or later that alcohol wears off and I would bet he cries to. I bet he is depressed to. He loves you and it has to be hard on him to. I don't think you should feel stupid because you cry about it. Just like you are not letting him know how upset you are he maybe doing the same thing. Atleast that is what I think about my ex. That he is as miserable as I am but that he can't make the commitment and change what needs to be changed. Maybe I think that just to make me feel better. The posts help me also. I talk to my friends and family but they get tired of hearing and I feel bad always talking about it. Like I am looking for this answer that is going to fix everything and make everything better. Keep your head up. You are doing a good job and know that being sad is normal and it will pass over time.
Amy22 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 tasha 982 can I ask how you finally knew to move on? When you see he is upset and calls you and wants to be friends how did you not have that false hope that maybe it would turn into more? That seems to be my biggest problem is I still won't face it is really over and not to expect a call one day with him wanting me back. And until I do that I can't get over him. I am just wondering how you did it. Your posts is very inspiring to see how strong you were. Thanks Amy
tasha_982 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Amy, I wish I could say I am ready to move on, but I am not, but I am doing it anyway! I guess I know that the problem that we had, and that consenquently made us break up is still there... and he is not doing anything to fix it. I know that my ex will call me one day and want me back, but I also know it will be too late. I have loved him more than anyone will ever be able to love him, and I know he was happy with me. At the end of the day that is what matters. I guess it's better to be alone than to wish you were. I may seem fine with all of this, but I am also hurting, all it takes is to see a comercial and my waterworks start, but I tell my self this:"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world" it's this fortune cookie message that I got, and I try to live by it. Amy very often we girls tend to sell ourselves short. And for 3 the "love of my life" made me feel like I was not good enough, now I know that Love of my life will not make me feel that way! And I am wating for the love of my life to come along and sweep me of my feet. BTW I am a huge romantic, and looooove the sappy love novels. Profile of my ex is a classic love novel bad guy, so it's time for the right one to come along. Besides I know I am totally worth it!!! XOXOXO PS. If this doesn't help think that in this instance people are dying all over the world, people who are supposed to protect babies are actually hurting and abusing them, and all we have is a broken heart.
tasha_982 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Tasha, i have given much thought to the possibility of being friends and you are right. Now I am not ready because I want him to be my boyfriend and every seems confusing. When he says I thought of you i want to see there more than affection. I want to restablish a friendship with him but it only could be possible when my feelings fade away. When i am ready to accept he is with someone else and feel happy for him. Now we are just strangers and it makes me so sad that i prefer to not contact him for a while. I still want him back ! He seems to deal with this better than me. After our break up I went out with a guy for dinner, he tried to kiss me and I flipped out. I went home in tears because i just want to be with my ex, the other guy insulted me .. anyway I did very wrong, I wanted to feel the gap and i was not ready .. I explained everything to him because I was so used to talk to him that i seemed natural to me, and he was the kindest person in the world. So sweet. He send me email saying that he respected me to react in this way, not worry, you can talk to me and i listen .... After i knew he sent an email to the other guy saying you are a weasel .. I know this was difficult for him because he told me after and I appreciate his effort to reassure me. I will never do as well as he did. So I know he will be a good friend but i need time. If I try now I will mess with my feelings again and i will ruin everything. I hope you are also doing better and good luck too ! The reason he was doing so well is because you were there for him... He had you to justify all of his wrong doings and everything and anything that happened between you two. YOU were his support, YOU were his rock! It is because of YOU he got to feel good. But guess what now he is loosing YOU, and he will crumble, he will feel like the bigest fool in the world, and he will start feeling the pain... after all you can avoid pain for certain period of time, but when it hits him.... Uh... It's not going to be good. And you my dear Amythan, have already passed through the worse, and little by little you are healing. YOU my friend are a winner and he is just someone who is running away from himself. Eventually everyone gets tired of running. All of his emotions will catch up with him, by that time you will be over him! (Unless you guys get back together in which case I will be very happy for you!!!)
Author amythan Posted October 27, 2007 Author Posted October 27, 2007 Thanks for your posts, really they made me smile and feel better. It is incredible how both of you are fighting with this and trying to keep self-respect. I completely agree with everything you said. I woke up this morning with a deep sadness and with a compulsive envy to txt him but I had my tea and went for a walk. So I succeed and I am happy. Of course I think about what is he doing but i did everything I could. He is pretty lost but he knows where I am and he knows my feelings are strong and honest. Put more preassure on him will change nothing, just bother him and make me feel a loser. It is weird how even if we are not together anymore each time I think of him I smile. I am not able to have hard feelings or be resentful. Is it normal ? Is it means I have not accept it is over ? Don't know ... I am going out with my friends, I am lucky to have people who think I am great and I deserve better. Today is a good day. I hope it is a good day for you too !
Author amythan Posted October 28, 2007 Author Posted October 28, 2007 I am scared about the week starting .. I woke up crying and i wanted txt him so much but .. I imagined him clubbing with the phone ringing and i felt such a fool that I laughed and decided to do not txt. Anyway, i am so sad and i want to talk to him so badly !! I spoke with a friend (actually an ex but really good friend) and he made me laugh so much and also he gave me 'masculine advice' so i felt less lonely. It is good to have friends even if i felt i lost my best friend. I think I am doing fine, i am proud of myself despite the sadness.
Recommended Posts