mistieyed Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 this is as short as I can make it, any thoughts are appreciated (especially from the guys). I have been very close friends with a guy for over three years - there has always been a connection and comfort level that I have not had with anyone else, he says the same of me. I, at one time, had feelings for him, but was afraid to mess up the friendship and even at one time told him he was like a brother to me (my shyness does not help matters). Last week, after having a brief argument with someone that I have been involved with recently, the friend tells me that he never attempted to make a move because of my "brother" comment and that he didn't want to mess up our friendship/close connection. with all of this said, I am wondering if I heard correctly that he had and has continued to have feelings for me. I have always suspected he cared about me, but when he didn't make a move (he did flirt, but never kissed me, etc.). so, my question is should I bring up the conversation of last week and ask him if I heard correctly or just let it be and see what happens over the coming weeks? I don't want to spook him or do something that could cause weirdness in our relationship.
Sarita12385 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 My suggestion would be to open up to him about this 100%. If you're as comfortable as you say you are with him, just do it When I was in high school, my best friend went through the same thing, and her "high school best bud" and she will be celebrating their 5 year anniversary this winter, so you can see the good that could come from it! I'd take the leap on this one.
Author mistieyed Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 My suggestion would be to open up to him about this 100%. If you're as comfortable as you say you are with him, just do it When I was in high school, my best friend went through the same thing, and her "high school best bud" and she will be celebrating their 5 year anniversary this winter, so you can see the good that could come from it! I'd take the leap on this one. i know you are right, but boy is this a hard discussion to bring up. kind of makes me a little sick to even think about it you would think that a conversation like this would get easier with age, but obviously not. thanks for your thoughts.
Magnatolia Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Yep he obviously has feelings for you, but your brother comment made him think you didn't reciprocate the feelings. If you wait and see what happens, there's a good chance that nothing will happen. It hasn't happened in several years, plus he probably thinks you don't feel the same way so he isn't likely to make a move. I suggest you ask him about his comment ad admit you feel the same way.
Author mistieyed Posted October 31, 2007 Author Posted October 31, 2007 so, we spent this past weekend hanging out with his family - it was hard leaving to go back to our respective homes. nothing sexual happened, but he was very attentive the entire weekend. when i got calls from other friends the first question was who is that and anything i needed, he was right there. why is nothing happening? it is obvious to me that there is a strong connection - it scares me that our friendship could change, i am guessing that is his issue as well. what an interesting mess to be in i know i should say something, but part of me says i should let it play out.
noname29 Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Wow, I must say that when I read your post I felt like I was reading something I wrote myself. I am in the same exact situation as you, having a strong connection with my best friend, but nothing happening. I STRONGLY suggest that you talk to him about how you're feeling. My best friend and I were both terrified of the same thing, of our friendship and strong connection changing, but trust me, if you have as strong a connection as you say, either you will end up together or, yes the friendship may be a little weird for a while if one doesn't feel as strongly as the other, but you should easily be able to remain friends. Obviously I can't guarantee that you will remain friends, but is this important enough that you're willing to risk that- do you like him that much? My friend and I were too scared, even though we (and everyone else) knew there was something between us. Now, I very much regret not saying anything because he's been seeing someone for the past year (we both moved several states apart after college so we didn't have a chance to explore a relationship) and it still makes me upset whenever I think about it. Trust me, just talk to him because if nothing else, you'll feel much better to get it off your chest. good luck!!
Amy22 Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Yep he obviously has feelings for you, but your brother comment made him think you didn't reciprocate the feelings. If you wait and see what happens, there's a good chance that nothing will happen. It hasn't happened in several years, plus he probably thinks you don't feel the same way so he isn't likely to make a move. I suggest you ask him about his comment ad admit you feel the same way. I agree he probably isn't going to make a move if he thinks you think of him as a brother so until you clear that up nothing will probably change. Good Luck
Author mistieyed Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 ok, i give up. i am too chicken to bring up THE conversation - shouldn't it just happen if it is meant to be???? men, how do you have this conversation with killing the friendship????
Author mistieyed Posted December 6, 2007 Author Posted December 6, 2007 slowly but surely our conversations have been involving feelings, finally. the bad part is that he is dating someone. we spent some time alone and when it seemed he might do something, he rubbed my back briefly and decided to go. tonight he tells me how much he "values" my friendship. in man speak - what the hell is that? the good thing is i am finally getting agitated to the point that i just want to ask, but am still quite the chicken. men, any thoughts would be helpful..............
mindsurfer Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Men are not that complicated. If he says, he "values" your friendship, he means he values your friendship. Period. You have to step in clear the air because it was you who said that he was like a brother to you. You can probably tell me that you couldnt say it earlier coz you werent sure if the two of you could be romantically involved at that point in time and was scared that expressing your feelings would create an awkward situation. Now that you are more confident about your feelings as well as your friendship, you are able tell him him the same. All the best..
Author mistieyed Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 Men are not that complicated. If he says, he "values" your friendship, he means he values your friendship. Period. You have to step in clear the air because it was you who said that he was like a brother to you. You can probably tell me that you couldnt say it earlier coz you werent sure if the two of you could be romantically involved at that point in time and was scared that expressing your feelings would create an awkward situation. Now that you are more confident about your feelings as well as your friendship, you are able tell him him the same. All the best.. thank you for your comments, they really do help ;o) to be honest, i don't know that i really knew initially that i cared so much about him and i think the same can be said for his feelings about me. there was an immediate connection, but neither of us knew what to do with it i suppose. i know the conversation is coming - i am actually quite tied up about it and need to find out where we both stand on the issue. i just always thought it would be so much easier if you cared about someone, it just happened. unfortunately, that is not always the case.
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