conestogac Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 We broke up in March it was a big shock for me, because everything went so well and we had such a deep feeling for each other, then all of a sudden he cut off the relationship and turned to another woman, just because I want to have a child with him (I have no kids), he is in his mid 50's and have 3 kids from his previous marriage, so he does not want to start his life all over again. The funny thing is he told me that he will give me a kid at the same time he broke up with me, he said he will not give me a kid if he stays with me, but he will give me a kid when he leaves me because he does not want the responsibility of raising a child. It has been 6 months after we broke up and he moved in with his current girlfriend in Sept., but he never stop calling me everyday, and telling me that he thinks that we are much more compatible than his new girlfriend, he choose her for more practical reasons, they live in the same city and I live an hour away from him in a different city, we still see each other whenever we can. He still want to give me a child although we have to go through a difficult and expensive IVF procedure (test tube baby) because of some medical reasons, he said he will do his best to support me but he can not garenttee anything nw, he wants to live his own life and not tied by the baby. I am at the age that this maybe my last chance to have a child, otherwise I probably can not carry a child anymore, but I think it is not fair to the baby that he/she will be kept as a secret from his new relationship and his other 3 kids, and the baby will grow up without a father figure. I am really lost now and do not know what to do, please give me some advice, and I am really confused by his offering, I never heard a man leave you for the sake of not wanting a kid, but offer you a kid while he leaves you. Does anyone know what's in his head?
amaysngrace Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I think that's a real crappy offer he made you. He's saying he doesn't love you but knows you love him enough to want to have his baby. I'd tell him to shove the baby up his ass. Because he's using it against you. And if you show it as a strength instead of a weakness he can't hold it over your head anymore. He's too old to be such a jerk.
Jmina Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Lord no how big is this guys ego. tell him to shove it.
magda Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Other than being such an outright deadbeat as to make you do a double take, his message is not at all confusing: He's willing to have sex with you, but wants no responsibility for what may or may not happen. I don't think it's in anyone's best interest to pursue having a child this way unless you have a network of family and friends who will be strong influences in your childs life and strong support system for you, and of course the financial means to support a child all alone.
hopeforlove243 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 If you really want a baby, and think you are running out of time, you can either bank your egg, or go get a sperm from sperm bank. Don't have baby with this mid 50's jerk, besides, his sperm is no good anyway.
ninjaturtles Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 IF you want a baby..why not? In all honesty, ild prefer sperms from someone i knew..as opposed to a sperm bank..plus who knows...he may want this baby later on Eitherway, even if he does not want this baby, as long as you are doing it for yourself..then why not? As long as you are ready to be a single happy mum, then why not? The baby would be yours, your bundle of joy and happiness...go for it as long as you are willing to be raise him/her independentyl and not using it as a tool to keep him. I love babies..sigh:laugh:
sedgwick Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 NO, no, no, no, no! If you're going to do IVF, do it with a donor. Can you imagine growing up knowing who your father was but that he didn't want anything to do with you? That would be so much harder than knowing your mom wanted you so much that she used an anonymous donor to have you. You don't need ANYTHING tying you to this man, especially not a child. Go get some sperm from some anonymous hot young stud. If you're gonna do it, do it right.
overseas2004 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Can I ask how old you may be and how you know you need IVF. I am 40 and pregnant with my first child. I got pregnant naturally and unless you have been checked there is no way to know if you really need IVF or not. There are so many issues for you to consider. Like do you know how much IVF costs and can you afford it. Also do you know that women who are over 40 have a much higher chance to miscarry. My husband and I miscarried once before I got pregnant this time and it was no picnic. Now we are dealing with all the scary statistics of the baby's possible birth defects. I think it is noble that you want to have a child. When I was 39 last year and had not met my husband yet, I was in a total panic and thinking about how to have a baby too. I might have done what you are planning to do. The only thing I would suggest to you though is to become aware of what you are embarking on. It is a long and difficult journey and in retrospect, I cant even imagine how I would deal with my pregnancy alone, let alone raising a child.
Trialbyfire Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Don't even consider having a baby with a man like this. The last thing you want is to provide him with any leverage, particularly through an innocent child.
Author conestogac Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 Can I ask how old you may be and how you know you need IVF. I am 40 and pregnant with my first child. I got pregnant naturally and unless you have been checked there is no way to know if you really need IVF or not. There are so many issues for you to consider. Like do you know how much IVF costs and can you afford it. Also do you know that women who are over 40 have a much higher chance to miscarry. My husband and I miscarried once before I got pregnant this time and it was no picnic. Now we are dealing with all the scary statistics of the baby's possible birth defects. I think it is noble that you want to have a child. When I was 39 last year and had not met my husband yet, I was in a total panic and thinking about how to have a baby too. I might have done what you are planning to do. The only thing I would suggest to you though is to become aware of what you are embarking on. It is a long and difficult journey and in retrospect, I cant even imagine how I would deal with my pregnancy alone, let alone raising a child. Thanks very much for sharing your experience, I am 42 now so you understand my feelings about the baby, I just want a baby but it seems that I can not get preganent in the normal way. I have a stable job and financially ready for a baby but I am just wondering if I can handle the preganancy and raise a child alone by myself. Although I still have some feelings for him but I realized that I should not use a baby to keep him, I want a baby in my life. I wish I would be as lucky as you to find a husband who want to give me a baby before my time run out, but it unlikely will happen in the near future.
tasha_982 Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I would rather go to a sperm bank, than to have a baby with such a jerk. He would be taking advantage of you for the rest of your life!!!
Star Gazer Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Don't even consider having a baby with a man like this. The last thing you want is to provide him with any leverage, particularly through an innocent child. Agreed. Please don't do this.
RecordProducer Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 I am at the age that this maybe my last chance to have a child, otherwise I probably can not carry a child anymore, but I think it is not fair to the baby that he/she will be kept as a secret from his new relationship and his other 3 kids, and the baby will grow up without a father figure. I am really lost now and do not know what to do, please give me some advice, and I am really confused by his offering, I never heard a man leave you for the sake of not wanting a kid, but offer you a kid while he leaves you. Does anyone know what's in his head? Do you live on a deserted island and he is the only man around? It's good that you want to have a child, but why with HIM? He will be no better donor than someone from a sperm bank. Why not try to find a nice man to have a baby with? This guy is really a very, very poor option and you know it. If you're going to have a child with him, know that you didn't choose a good father for your child. He is completely screwed up. What kind of man tells his girlfriend that he will have a child with he only if they break up? Is he married?
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