amplified Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 My ex-broke up with me a month ago....she said she needed space to figure her life out. Before we broke up we were starting to get comfortable and stagnant in our relationship. I did the basics; groveling, begging, pleading for two days than decided to give up and go no contact. A week later we went to the same club her and her friends were there and she didn't say hi. Her friends said hi and I honestly didn't see her. Anyways the next day i get a text from her bestfriend apologizing and wishing me well plus i get a text from her sister and than i get a text from her apologizing for not saying hi. She texted "sorry for not saying hello. It was really hard and awkward for me". I go no contact for a couple more weeks and I get a random text from her and she said she meant to send it to her friend. I play it off and make a joke and she responds with "blah blah blah ....too funny" The last week or so we have been texting basically nothing and most of the texts are initiated by me...nothing serious just basic questions in regards to my passport, clothing etc. Two days ago I broke down and texted her...i told her I was at a wedding and that she should be there with me. She responded with "I'm sure your having fun". Than last nite I saw her online and we had a mini conversation and i didn't bring up "us" or anthing but she basically said that she was trying to grow and be happy. The next day I emailed her and asked her if she would like to watch a bball game. Keep in mind our first date took place at a basketball game. I expected her to respond via email but she called me three times (the first two times, I didn't pick up). The conversation basically went like this: Her: "I dunno if we should, because it won't be like before...blah blah blah...I am truly trying to move on. Plus maybe i don't deserve to go because i don't really like basketball maybe you should take someone else. Me: "Honestly if your going to feel weird about it you shouldn't come, I'm not forcing you too. If you're uncomfortable you don't have to come.. but i think its all in your mind...just be normal its me!" Her: she started to giggle..."We will be going as friends and i just dont want it to be weird" Me: Really you don't have to come? Her: K fine, when is it. Basically i tell her the date and let her know that i have to get off the phone because i'm really tired and want to take a nap before i go to the gym. So now i'm left with so many questions. Should i just cancel the basketball game? Do any of you think I have a chance left? Is she just doing this out of guilt for breaking up with me? Keep in mind there is no other guy, she was basically stressed out because of work and i wasn't there to support her like I should have and I stopped doing the little. ANY HELP, ADVICE, SUPPORT would be greatly appreciated.
carrotgirl Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 It sounds like she's testing her power. I can say that without malice since I've done the same once or twice. Amp? If I were you, I'd take the pain up front and on my own terms.... I'd cancel. Carrot
myhotrod123456789 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 We will be going as friends and i just dont want it to be weird At this point, I think she is making it clear that you don't have a chance. Of course she still cares about you. I recently broke up with a girl and if she asked me out on a date-like activity, I would be hesitant in the same way she is. I would want to hang out with her, but I don't want to send the wrong message and I don't want to feel like I am leading her on. Your lady friend has been nice enough to make it clear that right now she is moving on. Let her invite you places. As actions speak louder than words, I would watch out with remaining in contact with her at this point unless you can handle finding out about another guy.
Author amplified Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 anyone else have advice or a take on my situation?
Author amplified Posted November 1, 2007 Author Posted November 1, 2007 Well I was supposed to meet with her yesterday but she had to cancel because she was "sick". She was really sick I could tell by her voice. Anyways a few days before we were to meet up we talked to each other a couple of times and in our conversations she said she was stressed out about us meeting up and was being really difficult because she said she wanted us to both move on. I told her no don't worry its going to be fun lets just hang one last time and have some fun. I was supposed to take her to a game but I wanted to surprise her and have a limo pick her up and take her to her favorite restaurant where I would be waiting with some flowers. But she had to cancel; after she canceled I told her about my surprise and she thanked me for the gesture. I was like "you ruined my surprise!" in a joking manner. She said "we can reschedule for next week" but I told her no because i felt like she was being real difficult and maybe she was right and that it wasn't a good idea. She is going on a trip in the next couple weeks to california for a couple weeks and I told her to have fun and cut the conversation short. I told her I planned it because I wanted to spend one nite with her with no expectations (from my end...of us getting back together). After I told her about my surprise...the tone of her voice changed and was really flattered that I would do that for her. For a little background she broke up with me because at times I was very blunt about things, not supportive and our relationship got stagnant and I stopped doing the little things. My question is should I just give up or does anyone think I have any chance of getting back with her. PLEASE I REALLY NEED ADVICE!!!!
jerbear Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 Not if your pursuing... Agreed on this advice! Also I suggest not doing the limo and picking her up. It sounds like you are pursuing.
Lee725 Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 If she has asked to rescedule for next week then she is still interested in spending time you even if she does only want to do so as a friend. who knows where it could lead from there? If you do meet with her as a friend, it might be better not to push things with her in terms of discussing a relationship because you might push her away. If things do go back to a relationship with her, how sure are you that you can continue with the supportiveness, the romance, kind gestures and not being blunt about things? If it is not in your nature to do those things (which does not make you a bad person) How long can you keep that up? You might be able to do them for a little while again, but long term do you think that things might end up the same again in the relationship? Sometime people can briefly change when they get back together but normally (not always), once people get comfortable again they slip back into old habbits and you might find yourself back at square one (today).
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