yippkiyay Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 At what point in the relationship is it time to discuss being exclusive. After a little sex? after weeks of sex? what?
melodymatters Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Well, your young sweetie, not sure how the kids are doing it nowadays, but you should probably become exculsive when you both are way into each other, that magic, best friends, can't wait to talk to you, connection feeling. This could come at any time during all that "sex" you mentioned, but I prefer to be spending tons of time together, be really into each other,and decide your going to give THIS relationship a real try, and THEN sex. too many diseases & messed up people out there to do otherwise IMO
Author yippkiyay Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Yeah, thats not how it works these days. I thought it did
melodymatters Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Yeah, thats not how it works these days. I thought it did BUT, I DO have a teenage daughter with a BF of 10 months, and this IS the way they did it. Her slutty friends that were all cool with the FWB crap are now pretty miserable and have slept with more than one guy and NOT in a committed relationship. (And we are not religious goody-goodies at all, just smart woman, who protect our hearts and bodies and don't waste time on losers or players)
Author yippkiyay Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Well i think it gets a little more complex when peoploe in there upper twenties are in the dating pool. There is allot of sex and baggage and exes and pasts and preople still in touch with old flings or relationships and historys and blah blah and not knowing where the other person stands and do i give up all this for him or her? AHHHHHHHH some of these women look at sex as casual and not a reason to commit. if you ask them to be exclusive they may get spooked and stop seeing u because they think its to soon or I'm needy or pushy to be asking. As a matter of fact these college kids are even worse. And I know what you mean about diseases but people are nailing like its the sixties again.
SouthernT Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Well i think it gets a little more complex when peoploe in there upper twenties are in the dating pool. There is allot of sex and baggage and exes and pasts and preople still in touch with old flings or relationships and historys and blah blah and not knowing where the other person stands and do i give up all this for him or her? AHHHHHHHH some of these women look at sex as casual and not a reason to commit. if you ask them to be exclusive they may get spooked and stop seeing u because they think its to soon or I'm needy or pushy to be asking. As a matter of fact these college kids are even worse. And I know what you mean about diseases but people are nailing like its the sixties again. That is the same boat that I'm in. I'm in my late twenties and I'm meeting people that are going through everything that you just mentioned. And when a guy meets a girl like me who doesnt have casual sex and takes it seriously, they take off in the other direction because it's too easy for a guy to simply open his front door and find plenty of girls willing to casual sex or oral sex. Yip, you just gotta come across a girl like me. But then there are still problems because, even if you do find one, you may not even like her the way she likes you. I wish I could meet a guy like you that I actually liked AND who would return my feelings as well. And as far as your question, just my personal opinion, I would say have the talk when you know things are getting heated and serious but before the sex. That way, you can put the brakes on if you need to and you wont have to deal with the additional emotions that sex brings if the two of you are not on the same page.
Mezzi Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I dont think sex is a pre-requisite for exclusivity. I didnt have sex with my ex-boyfriend and we were exclusive (which is not to say that he may not have another woman who was giving him sex.) Just saying two people can be committed to one another without sleeping together.
Krytie TV Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 It's really scattered. I have almost always had sex before the exclusive talk. But then, dating is a little different where I live now than it was where I went to school. People coupled up quicker back home than they do here.
Lyssa Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I believe spending more time getting to know each other is the way to make one exclusive. Sex should come much later. I have to feel the connection and emotionally attached to a guy before I jump in bed with him!
shadowofman Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 This is moment where you need to be careful. If you are holding off on sex until the relationship is exclusive, then you run even a higher risk. Promiscuous people will pretend to be monogamous and claim that they want to be exclusive. Just be careful.
SouthernT Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 This is moment where you need to be careful. If you are holding off on sex until the relationship is exclusive, then you run even a higher risk. Promiscuous people will pretend to be monogamous and claim that they want to be exclusive. Just be careful. This is very true. But you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. You'll never know unless you are able to literally crawl inside that person's head.
plainoldjared Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I love love LOVE sex but I dont like being smothered and its unattractive if she thinks she has to have sex to keep the relationship going. If you started having sex because you were completely into eachother, in the moment and it couldnt have been more perfect thats totally cool but the next time you see eachother you should DEFINITELY discuss expectations because the whole dynamic shifted from friendly getting to know eachother to loving I want to make you feel good with me... Its a prize, you've got to earn it. I would never settle for an easy girl, because chances are that shes easy for everyone else. I would never want to make a girl feel like sex with me is her only worth, who am I to demean someone like that? Besides karma is too real? Can you imagine the kind of mess you'd create for someone else who really cared about that girl? Thats whats wrong with people, mess it all up because you know someone else will fix it... Those last couple of lines were me going off on a tangent, Im very distracted with my current situation...
Kamille Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 It is time to discuss exclusivity when you feel like being exclusive. A little sex, weeks of sex or no sex at all. Your question is confusing because you don't tell us anything else, apart from the sex thing, about this person with whom you want to be exclusive. Obviously you're into her so why not just bring it up? You know the whole 'into you' philosophy? If she is into you then she will more then gladly agree to exclusivity. If she finds it pushy or whatever, then she isn't into you and you need to step back, reassess the situation and consider moving on.
oppath Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Generally after a month of dating -- IF I'm really into a girl, I don't want to date anyone else and I am not going to -- but a month is not a long time; I see people on LS saying "I've been dating a guy for two weeks" as if it is some kind of a milestone. Generally I want another month without talking about it. You kind of just know that a relationship is progressing based on how often you talk, the intensity of conversations, and how often you see each other amidst other things in your life. If I like you, and I'm sleeping with you, I'm probably not seeing others, which is why I too like to wait a few dates for sex with girls I really like. That doesn't mean I want a title. If a girl wants to wait for sex, that's cool, as long as the relationship progresses.
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