Bad_Monkey25 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 So I haven't been on here in a LONG while because I was being good, doing the whole NC thing (well not total NC), moving on with my life. I had gotten a couple of emails from him here and there in the past few months, but I wasn't nice in any of my responses back. He called me a couple of times, but I never let it knock me off my course of getting back to my life. That was before this email I received about a week ago. See, before he always told me he would never leave her, and I decided back then that even if he did, I wasn't going to be the catalyst. I wasn't going to be the one he left her for, and I wasn't going to be the one he resented. And I knew I wasn't going to stick around and wait forever for him either. Not even 2 weeks before I recieved his email I deleted all of his old emails, his number, the videos he made for me, and all his pictures. I was ready to completely move on and forget him. Then I get the email that I wanted to hear 2 YEARS AGO! It said, "I left my wife 2 weeks ago. What's new in your life?" Those 2 sentences have got me rattled. I don't know what to think.....
GreenEyedLady Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 So I haven't been on here in a LONG while because I was being good, doing the whole NC thing (well not total NC), moving on with my life. I had gotten a couple of emails from him here and there in the past few months, but I wasn't nice in any of my responses back. He called me a couple of times, but I never let it knock me off my course of getting back to my life. That was before this email I received about a week ago. See, before he always told me he would never leave her, and I decided back then that even if he did, I wasn't going to be the catalyst. I wasn't going to be the one he left her for, and I wasn't going to be the one he resented. And I knew I wasn't going to stick around and wait forever for him either. Not even 2 weeks before I recieved his email I deleted all of his old emails, his number, the videos he made for me, and all his pictures. I was ready to completely move on and forget him. Then I get the email that I wanted to hear 2 YEARS AGO! It said, "I left my wife 2 weeks ago. What's new in your life?" Those 2 sentences have got me rattled. I don't know what to think..... Well, what do you want now? Is knowing that he left her change anything for you? Have you moved on?
Gwyneth Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Wow! I don't even know you or your story, but I can't imagine what or how you are feeling. I think that you have worked so hard at moving on that you should just keep moving on. He only left her two weeks ago, after he has said he would never leave her. Put all your hard work first before him and your old feelings. Most imporantly, follow your heart--your heart usually leads you the right way. Good luck What a tough situation. Let him keep chasing you, play hard to get even. They hate that, and if he truly loves you and wants to be with you, he will do almost anything to be with you. So you keep doing your thing by moving on and in the meantime, let him try REAL hard to win back your heart.
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Well, what do you want now? Is knowing that he left her change anything for you? Have you moved on? I don't think it changed anything for me really, I guess just hearing the words kinda awoke those feelings again. So I guess I really haven't moved on, I just convinced myself I did.
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 "I left my wife 2 weeks ago. What's new in your life?" Those 2 sentences have got me rattled. I don't know what to think..... Now, if he has said, "I left my wife and we've been officially divorced for 2 weeks now. What's new in your life?" Then I would suggest you call him and go out on a date. Start fresh. BUT.. That hasn't happened. He left his wife 2 weeks ago...That isn't enough time for him to have it all together and start over. 2 weeks is NOTHING. He could very well change his mind in a month or so, or she could want him back. Do yourself a big favour and tell him to call you when the papers are signed and he is officially divorced. If you go for it, you'll end up hurt again.
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Wow! I don't even know you or your story, but I can't imagine what or how you are feeling. I think that you have worked so hard at moving on that you should just keep moving on. He only left her two weeks ago, after he has said he would never leave her. Put all your hard work first before him and your old feelings. Most imporantly, follow your heart--your heart usually leads you the right way. Good luck What a tough situation. Let him keep chasing you, play hard to get even. They hate that, and if he truly loves you and wants to be with you, he will do almost anything to be with you. So you keep doing your thing by moving on and in the meantime, let him try REAL hard to win back your heart. Keep on keeping on, that's the plan. Until I see papers that say it, I guess I won't completely believe he has left her, even if he is outta the house and already filed for divorce, I'm gonna keep on keeping on. But if I follow my heart, it will be back to him.
Gwyneth Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Okay, don't follow your heart, but follow what you think your heart Should do. I know it's hard--believe me. Have you considered changing your phone number and / or email address so that it cannot contact you? I know that is an inconvenience, but if it makes things better, go for it. Temporarily block his emails from coming and / or his phone calls, if you can. Also, block your heart from thinking about him. Think of him as this big hairy monster...that has usually helped me in the past
GreenEyedLady Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Keep on keeping on, that's the plan. Until I see papers that say it, I guess I won't completely believe he has left her, even if he is outta the house and already filed for divorce, I'm gonna keep on keeping on. But if I follow my heart, it will be back to him. Well, good for you...You know what's best for you...
Havn_a_life Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Now, if he has said, "I left my wife and we've been officially divorced for 2 weeks now. What's new in your life?" Then I would suggest you call him and go out on a date. Start fresh. BUT.. That hasn't happened. He left his wife 2 weeks ago...That isn't enough time for him to have it all together and start over. 2 weeks is NOTHING. He could very well change his mind in a month or so, or she could want him back. Do yourself a big favour and tell him to call you when the papers are signed and he is officially divorced. If you go for it, you'll end up hurt again. Just what i was thinking, WWIU! Have him bring you the D papers, then you know it's over. Don't get sucked into that old trick. See what he says when you tell him. You'll know by the tone of his voice if he's for real.
IWALH Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 My guess is she is the one who left him. But he is trying to play it off as though he left her to build himself up in your eyes. MM are typically spineless cowards who never leave... they are usually the ones who are left. Don't believe any of it. Continue getting on with your life. If, several months from now, he shows up on your doorstep with actual signed divorce papers, and you actually still want to be with him: go for it.
norajane Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 It's good that you want to wait until his divorce is final. Ending a marriage usually has a lot of emotional fall-out that the couple needs to deal with and get over before they are healthy enough emotionally to get involved in a serious relationship again. You don't want to be the rebound now after all your hard work at getting healthy yourself.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 It's the magic words that many OW want to hear - "I've left her". The prize of our MM is a future that we dream of with them. I'm not surprised that hearing these words from your MM has awoken many dreams for a future that you have had to mourn for the last two years. Its understandable that these feelings may have not passed, but lain dormant. But there are constraints to these magic words because they only become magic if "I've left her" because they have made a focussed decision about their marriage, they have made a focussed decision about their future and they are finally respecting the person they are with by setting them free from someone who no longer loves them as best as they possibly can. These words lose their magic if they mean "Wife ended relationship and we parted" because MM just remains the very same MM that you split with because of his inability to make a decision in his life. He's the same MM, just without his W, and the same problems and lack of focus and selfishness are still apparent in him. I think you're being very strong and you're protecting yourself well by being wary and waiting for the divorce papers to be shown to you. I also think you should discover exactly how the marriage ended - not just from what MM tells you but from other sources if that's possible. Finally, let yourself dream if that's what you want. If those dreams turn into a reality, that's fantastic for you. But at the moment, focus on your happiness in the present and not what MM may be able to offer you in the future.
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 I can't help but feel that damn knot in my stomach thinking about this stuff all over again. Ever since the email my stomach has felt this way. I haven't said anything to him about still feeling this stuff, just making the small talk now. It's like the situation is finally the way I always wanted it before, but I can't help but to feel bad for her. He hasn't said what finally made him leave her, but he has told me all along they had problems before me. I am trying to focus on my happiness, and I am trying to bury these feelings that came back outta nowhere, but it's hard. I started a new workout program in an effort to better myself even more, and I am going back to school soon to get my degree. It's like when so much is finally going right, he comes back. And I miss him.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Do you miss him or do you not want to miss out on a chance with him when you wanted it for so long? I suppose there's a difference. Its sad when a marriage breaks up, but if it has broken up without you being involved, that's better for you and I suppose, better for a possible relationship with MM. I know what you mean about the knot in your stomach. Its like an itch that wont go away, and reawakening old feelings reawakens old hurts too. Take it slow, keep on with the small talk until you have a clearer picture of what you want from this renewed contact.
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Do you miss him or do you not want to miss out on a chance with him when you wanted it for so long? I suppose there's a difference. Its sad when a marriage breaks up, but if it has broken up without you being involved, that's better for you and I suppose, better for a possible relationship with MM. I know what you mean about the knot in your stomach. Its like an itch that wont go away, and reawakening old feelings reawakens old hurts too. Take it slow, keep on with the small talk until you have a clearer picture of what you want from this renewed contact. I miss him. I haven't been around in a long while. I mean I have talked to him a little in the past year, but I haven't seen him, haven't been with him either so I know it has broken up without me being involved. I am gonna take it slow, I mean I have to.
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Alrighty, so my MM and I never got back on that horse, mainly because I took a real good look at what this was and swore of men for a year after him (to get my head back on straight). It kills me because I can't even be friends with him anymore, and on top of it all, he went back to her (just this year) and it kills me because we were such good friends in the beginning.....Anyone considering getting into one of these dysfunctional relationships....DON'T DO IT!!!!! If you are in one, GET OUT NOW!!! It only destroys your own self-worth, self-confidence, and it ultimately ends on a bad note.
Hazyhead Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Another awful story about the MM leaving the marriage thinking it will get him everything then changing his mind and in the process dragging along two women who have loved him. I'm sorry for your pain Bad Monkey. Did you go back to him at all?
crystal_lostheart Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Alrighty, so my MM and I never got back on that horse, mainly because I took a real good look at what this was and swore of men for a year after him (to get my head back on straight). It kills me because I can't even be friends with him anymore, and on top of it all, he went back to her (just this year) and it kills me because we were such good friends in the beginning.....Anyone considering getting into one of these dysfunctional relationships....DON'T DO IT!!!!! If you are in one, GET OUT NOW!!! It only destroys your own self-worth, self-confidence, and it ultimately ends on a bad note. Just what I needed to hear today when again I was making exuses for his behaviour (my xMM). Thank you. You have saved me today from speaking to him
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Another awful story about the MM leaving the marriage thinking it will get him everything then changing his mind and in the process dragging along two women who have loved him. I'm sorry for your pain Bad Monkey. Did you go back to him at all? Well, we talked, but it was just never the same. I found out later that he had yet another woman on the side and ultimately left his wife for her. I don't know if they were officially divorced or what but I told him basically that karma has a way of coming back around and to go f*ck himself. I felt better after that !
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Just what I needed to hear today when again I was making exuses for his behaviour (my xMM). Thank you. You have saved me today from speaking to him Your welcome! I wish that I knew then what I know now....I would never have done what I did. It leaves you with so much guilt. My advice is to go out and flirt with as many men as possible (but don't sleep with any of them, it complicates the process)...it puts things in a new perspective. As in "I am hot, I am sexy, WTF am I doing with a MM?" It's all about healing.... I have met a new guy that is a sweetheart and we are taking it very slow....I want to do this right!
Brokenlady Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Careful. We all reap what we sow. He wasn't in that A alone. Exactly how is this helpful? She's in pain and you want to kick her again. Real nice.
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Exactly how is this helpful? She's in pain and you want to kick her again. Real nice. I'm not in pain anymore, but thanks for your concern....I really just don't care about him like that anymore. I just thought an update may help someone else wake up and get out of that situation. It's a hard one, and I wish someone would have slapped my hand and said no don't do that! Eh, I digress....
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Would you really have listened? Or would you have had to find out by experiencing what you are dealing with now? There are so many here who are told don't do it, yet they go down that path. Do you think that you would have listened to other people who had already chosen this path? First off, I wasn't wishing him anything, I was just stating the fact that with Karma, what goes around comes around. Jeez... Honestly, no I probably wouldn't have listened to what others said because "every situation is different," but if my situation can help someone else, then GOOD, THAT is what I was trying to do, thank you.
Montclair0011 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Bad Monkey - Thanks for the update. It's very helpful to hear how these things can go down the road. I appreciate your observations. Good luck, and I hope it all works out for you.
crystal_lostheart Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 First off, I wasn't wishing him anything, I was just stating the fact that with Karma, what goes around comes around. Jeez... Honestly, no I probably wouldn't have listened to what others said because "every situation is different," but if my situation can help someone else, then GOOD, THAT is what I was trying to do, thank you. Well like I said earlier ... You definitely helped me on a very bad day
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