begood2urself Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 hello loveshackers, I feel like sh*t today. It's been a week since me and my ex-gf broke up. I felt good last week actually, but withdraw is getting really tough. There were some good reasons why we broke up: different ideas about sex and communication. Everything else in our relationship was pretty stellar. There was no fight in the end, just a lot of tears. I know it was the right thing to do, but it feel horrible. First week was alright, I dont' know about this week, but it looks grim from here. I just really really miss her. It would be easier if I hated her, but I don't. Which makes things really tough, I get so emotional is hard for me to remember how reasonable it was to end things. Any kind words would help.
carrotgirl Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Hugs to you begood. I'm sorry you're going through this. I honestly don't think that lack of animosity makes the break any easier for the dumper or the dumped ro I guess for the co-dumpers. Feel better. Have you sought comfort in ice cream yet? I recommend it. Carrot
Author begood2urself Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Thanks Carrot, NC is so effin' hard. I don't even get those other stages of loss like anger or denial. I just got stuck with despair and acceptance, and those are pretty awful to understand let alone live through. Has anyone had a non messy break up around here? did you find it hard it or easier to deal with?
adrian_85 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 begood, I am in the same boat. I just split with my GF in NYC, we didn't fight at all she just decided it wasn't working for her so we split. Its so damn hard because we don't hate each other, we both want to be friends with each other yet she doesn't want a relationship. I feel your pain, lemme know if you find some way of dealing with it.
carrotgirl Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 begood, I can't tell you why my ex bailed on us, since even he says he was so incredibly happy with me except he wasn't in love with me. Okay. Whatever that means. We had no blow ups. No hate, no real problems. He's asked repeatedly for friendship. Perversely, if he didn't want to be friends, I might want it more. The more he wants my friendship, the more annoyed I get. It's funny but not really. I don't have a choice about NC but if a choice had been available, I probably wouldn't have wanted it. I'm trying to be friendly from as much distance as I can manage at any given time. Carrot
gnyoda Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I feel your pain, brotha. I'm going on my 4th day of no contact, and its not horrible, but I tend to think about her every couple of hours. On a positive note I did have a much better work out, and the quality of my drawing went up today, so look at the positives and hang in there.
Lee725 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Hi, I could not believe it when i read your post. I too have broken up with my B/F just a week ago (it was a week last friday). From what i read our stories sound the same. I met the most wonderful man i could imagine. I dreamt of meeting someone like him, but we had no emotional communication and that stopped us from creating an emotional connection. We were different in the bedroom, but i could live with that. We didnt fight when we broke up, we both just cried. I dont know about you, but i waited untill i was drunk and it was 3am till i tried to discuss it. (dumb move).... ( I was sure that us breaking up was the right thing to do, now i regret it .... badly... The worst part is sometimes, that feeling like things were left unsaid that could have made it better, and that now it is too late. Please know You are not alone, i know all to well that sickening feeling of saddness in the stomach and the endless thoughts of them. I also know words can offer little true comfort..... There is a girl here in Aus sending you the biggest hug and warmest thoughts. We can make it through this.
Author begood2urself Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 Thanks Everyone! What a freaking roller coaster. Today I woke up and cried b4 work. It was awful. Seeing your comments when I got to work helped. God, NC is so bad. I am going for extreme NC, I am not looking at pictures, I am not looking at her myspace (although I had a slip today) and I am not listening to music that reminds me of her. My brain can't have any contact at all. AND IT SUCKS! I am just trying to remember that it will pass. I fantasize that she will call me and we will work things out and everything will be better, but the truth is, with our issues it would take so much work. I would be willing, but I dont' know that she is capable, this is why we really broke up. I miss her a lot. I wish it wasn't like this. :'(
hopeforlove243 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Hang in there, I am in a similar boat, I felt so sad today I had to leave work around noon because I can't function. Just keep in mind that you are not alone, there are us out there, feel your pain. TV news is talking about fire in south CA, I somehow wonder if I am one of those people who lost their home, maybe that would help me get my mind of my ex-bf. Don't take it wrong, I do feel for those people, just wondering what can help me to not thinking about him.
Mylife Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 yes...i think tht non messy ends..or mutual agreement end to a relationship is worse than one that is messy and full of arguments. Cuz its true...u dont hate the person...just circumstances made u end it. Luckily, i hve never had a messy end...just been in one relationship (i am 18 only...hehe)...and tht one end mutually...no mess...i still wanna be friends...and so does he...cuz we were best best besssst friends b4 we started dating...but he says he needs time so he get the feeling he had for me out..and just see me as a friend...soo we hardly talk...but its true..i still do love him...for sure...and cry...and hope to be with him...but to all of us...i truly belive...we will be ok...u know y...cuz we know that we r good and smart in a relationship...because those that end it in a smart...and for a good reason way...rather than a big pointless stupid fight...are the ones that know wht relationships are all about...we make smart choices ...and we also know what we do particularly want in the next significant other...so not to wry...and try real hard and be happy...it'll be ok:)
sao2 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 My break was also relatively mess free. I mean yeah there was a little mess but not really. We also broke up mainly to different ideas about sex and communication. Besides sex, communication, and plans for the future, what differentiates a romantic relationship from a friendship? Therefore, disagreeing about those issues is disagreeing about the very things that make a relationship a relationship.
SunnyLady Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 No contact is so hard!!!! But you can do it!!! Trust me when i say this. I split from my ex about 7weeks ago. I am a very emotional person. It was so so hard for me to wake up knwoing he wasnt there anymore. But i went no contact... after the 3rd week. And now its been about a month that i havent contacted him. It wasnt easy i tell you! Sometimes you finger will twitch to dial thoes numbers...its sort of compulisve. Whne you feel that fway just take a deep breathe and ask "what am i going to acheive from this phone calll?". If that dsnt work, get busy... read a mag, watch sports...do anything! Just don't give in. We are in control of ourselves even thoug h it may not feel that way. He did contact me eventaully...saying it had been a long time since we've been in touch and that he was expecting to see me at some event (which i intentionally didnt show up at). It felt good knowing he cared to find out how im doing. But im for me no contact still remains. Im not contacting him and if he contacts me i will keep it to the minimum. Its the only way you can heal and get your emotions sorted out. And in due time who knows what may happen. Take heart! You will be fine.
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