Meaplus3 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 After almost 2 year's of complete H*** I am glad to share with you all the final Chapter of my very long ea with a MM. As many of you know the mm lives nextdoor and a so called friendship with this mm and a physical attraction turned into a nightmare of an emotional affair! I say nightmare because that's how it turned out. This mm that I once trusted and was very kind and sincere to did nothing but play a "Huge" mental game with me. Being the loving person that I am and also in a very bad place in my own marriage when the ea started I felt comforted by this man who seemed to really care for me. He charmed me, flirted with me and sucked me in all to feed his alter Ego. I have struggled with telling his wife and not telling his w for month's. I never plan to tell his W a thing. I now believe a man like this will dig his own grave so to speak, and it's NONE of my business anyway. The reason I am sharing this tonight is because I broke NC and called him. I did not call him to say let's meet and talk or to be friend's, I called him to tell him exactly what I think of his character and exactly how I realize how he operates. I called him a cake eater a womanizer and NOT a nice guy, trust me I know it will eat at him, LOL! I feel GREAT! I have my power back that I clearly gave to a man who's a womanizing control FREAK! So in the end did I love him?? NO! Because if I really did then I would wish him well and I don't wish him well. He's a Cake eater and will continue to go on and play games with attractive woman to make up for what's lacking in his own marriage with his w and within himself. Do I care anymore? The answer is NO! I have an H, 3 beautiful children, good friend's and family. H and I are staring MC and with a lot of hard work and some help from above we CAN make it work. I know I sound very angry but now that I said my peice to this mm I really feel I can move forward in a healthy way process. Thank's for listening and thank's to you all for helping along the way and thank you all for convincing me NOT to tell his W. AP:)
GreenEyedLady Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I'm really glad that you are at this place now and can move on...Bravo to taking your power back! (((HUGS)))
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 I'm really glad that you are at this place now and can move on...Bravo to taking your power back! (((HUGS))) Thank's GEL as I bow, LOL! I needed to speak my mind and I did it. I feel I did the right thing for closure. I could not stand feeling walked all over anylonger. AP:)
GreenEyedLady Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Good for you! I'm really happy for you!
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 AP, I'm proud of you. Breaking NC to get that off your chest is kind of like the final nail into the coffin. It's final and it's CLOSURE! Now you can focus on marriage counselling and giving your marriage a good shot!
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 AP, I'm proud of you. Breaking NC to get that off your chest is kind of like the final nail into the coffin. It's final and it's CLOSURE! Now you can focus on marriage counselling and giving your marriage a good shot! Whichway, Thank you SOOOOOO very much for all of you support. If I ever meet you IRL I would hug you to death, LOL! This was what I needed. I was to kind hearted to this mm for so long and why? Because I was not ready to let the ea with him be done. Now I am ready. AP:)
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Hug accepted and right back at ya! I was to kind hearted to this mm for so long and why? Because I was not ready to let the ea with him be done. Sadly, this is where FF still is and she needs everyone to help so she can to get to where you are now.
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Hug accepted and right back at ya! Sadly, this is where FF still is and she needs everyone to help so she can to get to where you are now. I agree and for her sake, I hope very soon! I have still had many bad day's in the last three motnh's however, I just new that by me telling this mm off, I was in control and there is nothing he can do to break me down again. I will never again let myself fall for a "Charmer". I guess I NEW I was getting close by the simple fact that I NO longer send dinner's his way. Infact if I did send a nice hot Pot Roast I would make sure to shove it up his A***, LOL! Humor is good for me! AP:)
Tomcat33 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Aww that's terrific AP, I love to hear happy ending stories like these of people taking their power back. It can only go up from here hun. I'm very happy for you and you sound strong, something very good to see. thanks for sharing your story
lovernotafighter Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 wow!! AP this is great to hear! good for you and he totally deserved it, good for you!
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 wow!! AP this is great to hear! good for you and he totally deserved it, good for you! Thank's lover, he did deserve to hear it and I'm so glad I mustered up the courage to put him in his place! I'ts amazing how much better I feel inside just by releasing all that pent up anger! AP:)
Cobra_X30 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Thank's lover, he did deserve to hear it and I'm so glad I mustered up the courage to put him in his place! I'ts amazing how much better I feel inside just by releasing all that pent up anger! AP:) AP, that post makes me smile! I think you only have the barest inkling about how thats going to hurt him. He may be laying awake at night 10 years from now wondering if he really is a bad person. Now... You have rejected him! Bravo!
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 AP, that post makes me smile! I think you only have the barest inkling about how thats going to hurt him. He may be laying awake at night 10 years from now wondering if he really is a bad person. Now... You have rejected him! Bravo! Yes I did reject him bigtime and I hope it does eat away at his Ego for a lifetime, LOL! Someone had to knock this guy off his high horse and I was just the perfect person to do it! I am so glad I did not direct this toward his W as she's just an innocent person here. Oh I truely spoke my mind and none of it was in the least bit kind, however it needed to be said. I had to laugh :lmao:at one thing he said to me. He told me I NO longer mentally Stimulate him, I used to but I NO longer do? I told him that's good because he should be getting his Mental Stimulation from his W, then he was quiet. It amazes me that I allowed myself to get sucked in by a man as messed up as him. I have certainly learned my lesson when it come's to miss judging someone's character! Glad to be done with this MM. AP:)
2sunny Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 AP - i am happy that you are able to move forward and concentrate your positive energy on making your marriage a priority. btw - what was the neighbor's reaction? did he say anything to you while you had your conversation?
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 AP - i am happy that you are able to move forward and concentrate your positive energy on making your marriage a priority. btw - what was the neighbor's reaction? did he say anything to you while you had your conversation? Thanks 2sunny! Oh yes He said plenty. I had him Screaming at me! Keep in mind he is normally a very quiet guy who represses his anger, I think one of his major problem's in life! I was telling him how my therapsit really helped me to pin down he personality and his reaction to that was. "Well sure your just going to tell your therapist what you want and then he will agree and make me look like the jerk". See the munipulation here? I told my therapist the truth about my part of the ea and his. Why would I pay 80 per session to sit there for an hour 1 day a week for 8 month's and lie? He's the lier and has issues with honesty! I even told my H that I called him and gave him a final piece of my mind. I was honest and did not lie. AP:)
Lyssa Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 That's fantastic news, AP!! It feels good hey? He deserved it for being such an ar$e to you! All the best in your M!
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 That's fantastic news, AP!! It feels good hey? He deserved it for being such an ar$e to you! All the best in your M! Oh yes Lyssa it feel's REAL GOOD! I realized I don't owe him a thing and I do not have to be friendly to him if don't want to. AP:)
Lyssa Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Oh yes Lyssa it feel's REAL GOOD! I realized I don't owe him a thing and I do not have to be friendly to him if don't want to. AP:) You do not owe him anything! Even if he is your neighbour, you do not have to be friendly to him. Let him be!!
OWoman Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Erm, am I the only one who feels uncomfortable about all this? Phoning someone and dumping on them doesn't signal "it's over" to me, it signals "unresolved business". If it really was over, wouldn't you feel nothing - no emotional investment GOOD OR BAD - simply complete equanimity towards him? Feeling anger at someone might be a significant - or even a necessary - step along the way to getting over someone (I can't say I've ever felt the need, in any of my past Rs with anyone, so can't comment on that) but I don't think it signals closure, by any means. And I'm really uncomfortable at how everyone seems to be celebrating the bad energy surrounding this. It feels to me that I've strayed across a lynching (by proxy, perhaps) and it's not a pretty sight.
NoIDidn't Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Erm, am I the only one who feels uncomfortable about all this? Phoning someone and dumping on them doesn't signal "it's over" to me, it signals "unresolved business". If it really was over, wouldn't you feel nothing - no emotional investment GOOD OR BAD - simply complete equanimity towards him? Feeling anger at someone might be a significant - or even a necessary - step along the way to getting over someone (I can't say I've ever felt the need, in any of my past Rs with anyone, so can't comment on that) but I don't think it signals closure, by any means. And I'm really uncomfortable at how everyone seems to be celebrating the bad energy surrounding this. It feels to me that I've strayed across a lynching (by proxy, perhaps) and it's not a pretty sight. I understand where you are coming from OWoman, but you would really need to read the history. AP was really hellbent (sorry, AP) on telling his W to get over him. This really is somewhat of a small victory.
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Erm, am I the only one who feels uncomfortable about all this? Phoning someone and dumping on them doesn't signal "it's over" to me, it signals "unresolved business". If it really was over, wouldn't you feel nothing - no emotional investment GOOD OR BAD - simply complete equanimity towards him? Feeling anger at someone might be a significant - or even a necessary - step along the way to getting over someone (I can't say I've ever felt the need, in any of my past Rs with anyone, so can't comment on that) but I don't think it signals closure, by any means. And I'm really uncomfortable at how everyone seems to be celebrating the bad energy surrounding this. It feels to me that I've strayed across a lynching (by proxy, perhaps) and it's not a pretty sight. Phoning someone and dumping on them doesn't signal "it's over" to me, it signals "unresolved business". If it really was over, wouldn't you feel nothing - no emotional investment GOOD OR BAD - simply complete equanimity towards him? By making that phone call my business with mm is NOW resolved! This was the closure that I personally needed for my situation and I am proud of myself that I said what I needed to say. AP:)
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 I understand where you are coming from OWoman' date=' but you would really need to read the history. AP was really hellbent (sorry, AP) on telling his W to get over him. This really is somewhat of a small victory.[/quote'] Thank you for saying this NoIDidn't! I was hellbent on telling his W when it would have been the very wrong thing to do. AP:)
TogetherForever Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 AP,Congrats to you!!!!!!!!And may I ask, Did you tell your husband you were going to do this?I'm just curious.Again, Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TF
Author Meaplus3 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 AP,Congrats to you!!!!!!!!And may I ask, Did you tell your husband you were going to do this?I'm just curious.Again, Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TF I told my H after I did it. I new he would understand and trust that my intention's were to rid myself of so much pent up hurt and anger. My H was understanding and gald to know I put him in his place. AP:)
JamesM Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Good job, AP! This seems to be an excellent move towards closure for you. I am glad for you and proud of you. We are here to support you and appreciate that you share all of your feelings.
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