HotnBothered Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I have been reading some here off and on trying to find answers to my own drama. Some of you sound so much like me. SO does not want sex, lost passion, etc. I have really suffered over the past couple of years. I waited all these years for my "peak" to hit. Here it is and here I sit all alone. I miss the love, passion, etc but at this point a good old bang would be nice. Really long story short....pain meds. Some of your SO could have issues that have NOTHING to do with you. There may be a bigger picture. This may not be what you want to hear but it could point some of you in a different direction. Sometimes things are not as they seem.
nittygritty Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I'm confused, are you saying your SO doesn't want to have sex because your SO is on pain meds or your on pain meds because your SO doesn't want to have sex?
Author HotnBothered Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 I am sorry. My SO takes pain meds and that kills his sex drive. It makes him numb emotionally and physically.
WonderingWTD Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 its true. My boyfriend would tell me that he didnt want to do it because it made him numb, so it would take forever to finish, if he did at all. Then after awhile it turned into not wanting it at all.
DazedandConfused66 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Did you ever consider that, y'know, maybe the PAIN and not the PAIN MEDS makes your SO not wanna have sex?
PandorasBox Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I'm sure some pain meds can decrease sex drive. Alot of different kinds of meds can. Maybe, if the dose is to high the doc can adjust them and give a lower dose? Are these pains meds they HAVE to be on? Are there other alternatives to these meds, so the sex drive wont be decreased?
Author HotnBothered Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Well I did not put two and two together at first. It took me awhile. I went through all the questions, does my breath stink? Do I have body odor? Am I a frumpy old wife? Am I not good in bed? etc..... I have never questioned his love for me. I am his best friend and viceversa. Then I started paying attention to him, his habits, etc. When he was on pain meds, sex and emotions would slow down and/or stop. When he ran out of meds, things would pick back up. After several months of watching everything he did, I could pinpoint what it was. The problem is he does not have to take the pain meds. He likes them. He could take an alternative drug. That is why I am so angry with him. I am the one that is being cheated here. We have had numerous conversations and he just lets it go in one ear and out the other. Is he addicted? Maybe. I don't think he is addicted to the drug itself as much as the feeling the drug gives. He can stop cold turkey if he wanted without any side effects. And he does not take mass quantities compared to most who are addicts. Only what it prescribed. I know in my heart he is not having an affair. Don't think so in the past either....can't say for the future though. But there does not have to be another "person" involved to be cheated on. He is cheating me out of something I have waited my whole life for. I have been married twice. I have given sex without complaint and never said no unless it was a TOM issue. I always remembered being told by a friend of mine, "If you don't give your husband what he needs, rest assure, there is someone else waiting in line that will." That is how I got rid of my first husband. Stopped having sex with him and he found another(tired of his abuse). So I always have satisfied my husband whether I wanted sex or not. NOW, it is my turn! I am 40 years old and my sex drive has been unbelievably high the last 2 years. It have been 6 weeks since our last and the longer I go without the angrier I get. I am ready to explode! But that is always how it is for me. I always give and give and give to people (not sex give to people in general) and when I need to be on the receiving end, everyone seems to disappear. But the thing that breaks my heart is I have been replaced by a pill. I am glad it is not a women (or man ) but the fact that I was so easily replaceable for him.
JackJack Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 The problem is he does not have to take the pain meds. He likes them. Is he addicted? Could be. If infact, if he is addicted, then his addiction is over ruling how you feel and making him not really care one way or another about sex. I understand you're frustrated but , if he truly is addicted, he will probably need to seek professional help. Have you told him what you have told us here?
nittygritty Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Most Painkillers are highly addictive both physically and psychologically. Some even have life threatening risks if a person were to abruptly stop taking them. I know someone who was addicted to them and they said their bones hurt when they went through withdrawal along with being very physically ill. It sounds like your SO is addicted to them as well and he may need medical treatment to get off of them. If he doesn't want help for his addiction you should probably leave him. His addiction will only get worse and you will continue suffering from being in a relationship with an addict.
Kenyth Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 The strongest thing I've ever taken is Tylenol 3, and I can see the attraction. It kills pain, relaxes, and produces mild euphoria. I can only assume the stronger ones have increased effects? Anyway, I've found a medication that works great with muscle and joint pain, without the other effects. An NSAID called Naproxen (or Naprosyn). It works much better than Tylenol-3 and lasts 12 hours.
pollywag Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Does he suffer from tension headaches or migraines? The meds used for that kind of cronic pain definitely decreases the libido. I know because I am on a mild version of it, migraines are under control but the sex drive is still dormant.But I'll tell you a trick, might not feel aroused enough to initate sex but once I am in I love it, so maybe it's a matter of trying to be the one to get him in the mood more. that kind of sucks but it's the hand you are dealt right now so make the best of it.
Author HotnBothered Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 He is addicted. Who am I trying to kid. I have been counting his pills and I know how many he takes a day (3 to 4). He is hiding the fact that he is taking them. He doesn't take a lot but if he were not addicted, why would he be hiding them.? I have told him how I feel. That is also why he is hiding them. I have cried my heart out. I have thrown pure mad fits, etc. I fear there is nothing I can do until he wants to stop. He has 12 left. If he makes a doc's appt., then I will know. If any of you believe in prayer, please say one for us. On the bright side, we finally broke our 6 week dry spell. Maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel. He initiated it. Being I told him I would never ask for it again. I am hard headed that way. I was tired of being rejected. I know that is wrong..... I don't ask for it.....I just show and tell him how much I love him all the time.
HeadlessZebra Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Hello? Viagra! If he doesn't want to take it, you might suggest to him that maybe he could humor you by letting you hire a male escort and he can watch. Just the suggestion might be enough to prompt him to pop some boner pills.
DazedandConfused66 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 It sure sounds like addiction. I take pain meds for an old sports injury (blown out knee) but have never gotten addicted to them. When I take one, I'm not usually in the mood, but that's because of the pain, not the meds. If I were you, I'd be pouring my sexual frustration into an Intervention confrontation with him. Planned out, of course, and hopefully with backup. Addictions can be broken. They take time and detox. Getting upset won't typically serve any purpose other than to drive him deeper into addiction. And you shouldn't be afraid to contact his doctor to express your concerns about his overuse of the meds.
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