Krytie TV Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 So I had a philosophical discussion with a friend of mine the other night and I continue to dwell on it. I thought it came to a rather interesting and basic conclusion. Many people on here talk about the concept of dating as a game. Whether it's making yourself appear perfect to the other person early on, which can sometimes only make people self-conscious about being themselves later; putting up your best front; trying hard to make the other person like you either through compromising behavior or coercion; trying to learn what compatibility tests people use so that they can "study" for them; remaining aloof to keep the other pursuing; and countless others that I can't name at this point. All these behaviors accomplish is clouding the true self from the other person for the sake of love. But what is this created "love" based on then if the foundation is merely a collection of techniques and fallacies derived to "win" the other person. What happens 2, 3, or more years down the road is people fall into this "growing apart" phase where they are actually just learning the truth about the other person or they latch onto behaviors that bug them when the person always had these behaviors to begin with, just hid them. We broke down the idea of maintaining a relationship into two fundamental necessities: keeping the other person interested and maintaining respect and dignity within the relationship. Ok, so there's that. And that's what this conclusion is based on: The true "game" in dating and relationships and the greatest challenge to anyone in them, to me, is maintaining the fundamental characteristics that brought about the attraction in the first place. That is, the largest challenge is to stay true to yourself, not molding yourself to what you think the other person likes. This means that if you have traditions and activities you share with your own friends, keep that tradition. I go out with my close guy friend every weekend, just the two of us. That's a behavior that needs to remain. If you bowl on a league (yes, I'm a dork), you must never give that up for someone else. If you like to spend one evening a week in bed reading a book, continue to do that. By sticking to our personal traditions and maintaining our autonomy, we serve to keep the other interested, because although we are not acting aloof, we also are not giving up our own time and compromising ourselves to fit another. That, I think, is what keeps people interested and challenging, but it comes from natural behavior, not from some contrived "system". Once you give up your traditions, that's when you become less of a challenge, and that's when interest fades. And naturally, by maintaining your "self", you can never lose respect. So, I believe if there truly is a "game" to be had in dating, it's maintaining your sense of "true self" in the face of a relationship. One memory that comes to mind as I say this is this male slut friend of mine through high school and early 20s. He was obnoxious at times, crass, and had absolutely no ambitions. And women loved him. Why? Because no matter the situation and no matter who was around, he was simply himself while others were trying to play games to attract women. I'm sure there are others who have a friend like that. I will gladly accept your Nobel Prize nominations Thanks for listening to my lecture.
yippkiyay Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 well said, I've had girls take on my interests and ket go of their own. It disgusted me like they didn;t have a soul. Yet I've done the same thing and the girl booted me. The thing that fascinates me is we can have prior knowledge of the result of this behavior, fall in love lose our minds do it all over again and when the dust clears and you have your johnson in your hand yousay, What the heck happend?
norajane Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I think that's what Mrs. Brady always told Marcia and Jan: "Just be yourself" It's still good advice.
halfarock Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 To me the real game of dating is entirely in the interaction between me and the woman that I am dating. I tend to look at the woman I’m dating as a play mate, someone to have fun with, it’s like a big game. I have no use for that business of trying to make someone think that I’m better than I am.
oppath Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 You either win or lose games, or there is some heirarchy of placement. I don't want that. I want everyone to win. I agree, the real challenge is to always be your true self, to date with integrity. That means no lying, no hiding things, etc. My dad actually told me today "it's ok to fib a little with women." The context was I've never had a long term relationship, only a few 5-6 monthers, and I know some women are turned off by that, thinking it is weird. "Do you think women don't lie to you, son, about their past?" "I think women lie about their PRESENT!!! " Being true to yourself is the difficult part of dating. There are no officials to keep you in line.
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