Pantha Posted May 6, 2003 Share Posted May 6, 2003 I am new and I really like this board I have a situation, me and my girlfreind have been dating a little over a year,(known each other for over 5 years) and it is a good and very serious relationship, there is one thing that bother me however, a little b4 she and I got together she broke up with her EX, now during the beggining of me and her talking she cheated on me with him a couple of times, then he went to jail, when he got out she decided that they would be freinds although it happened again, and then for the next couple of months she stayed away from physical contact with him to avoid any troubles in our relationship, we argued about that often, and the real issue is I dont understand why she would want to be freinds with him if he obviously wants her, she tells me that she is quite happy where she is and would never go back to him, but she does want to retain a freindship, he wants her and I know as well as he says that they cant be freinds although at times he maintains that he wants to be freinds, (obviously to keep contact) what should I do should I tell her basically what I have been telling her to leave him alone cuz it wont work being freinds until he moves on with his life, or what.... I dont want to lose her I love her very much, please let me know what you think..... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 6, 2003 Share Posted May 6, 2003 Stop trying to control this lady. Stop telling her how to run her life. If you relationship is so weak that she would go sleep with the ex at the drop of a hat, you're better off without her. Not enough time elapsed between the time she broke up with her ex and the time she started seeing you. You are basically a rebound. That's not good and those rarely last too long. The only way you can help it survive is to let her do what she has to do to get closure and heal from her previous relationship. You have even have to consider a separation for a period fo time until she has a chance to work through her emotional stuff. It sounds like you feel very insecure and that will never be attractive to her or any woman. Let her have the friends she wants. If you don't trust her, you have no business with her. If she has a desire to screw her ex...or just visit him, she's going to do it whether you like it or not. It sounds like she doesn't really care how you feel. The more you tell her not to, the more she's going to want to see him. Just back off and enjoy the relationship. If you find that these visits are getting out of control, that's a sign she has no respect for you and no need for a relationship with you. At that time, just go find another girl. But you're playing a losing game trying to control her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pantha Posted May 6, 2003 Author Share Posted May 6, 2003 Thank You!, I guess I was really looking for conformation, that its not really good for her to see or talk to her ex, if she wants to get over him, they have talked and, now there isnt to much contact, they havnt taked for over 2 months, he's been in jail a little over a month, she says that she is through she just wants HIM to know why, so she is conteplating writting him, but I want to know if it is good for her to do that, cuz she doesnt want him to try to make them work anymore, but I think that the letter will start his feelings to going again and he will start, speaking of them again? is this true? also I dont control her I just let her know what I think, but I guess I should be a little less opionated. I want to keep this girl she is so special to me and I belive that this will last, seeing as how I guess you can say we where both on the rebound but this is something we had talked about for years, just awnser will this letter even though it tells him that they will never get back together, will it start him to trying to get back together and contacting her again? or should I just leave it alone and think about possibly leaving her alone? Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted May 6, 2003 Share Posted May 6, 2003 or should I just leave it alone and think about possibly leaving her alone? Pantha, Go back and read Tony's post AGAIN. Your answer is already there. I think you have latched onto only the part you wanted to hear..."That you are right and she is wrong." There is much more there than you have taken the time to read... Link to post Share on other sites
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