SouthernT Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 It's a never ending cycle. And here's the thing: If you were to meet this perfect girl that didnt play games and would never cheat... You probably wouldnt give her the time of day. Why? Because you would think that its either too good to be true or not enough of a challenge. Girls like me can't win for loosing. Here's a thought....take a break and figure out what you want first. Who says that you have to be involved with a girl on a constant basis?
Author yippkiyay Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Maybe I do rush into relationships. No i didn't have a talk with her about it because if i did i thought i would wierd things out. then i did and It wound up doing just that. probably was my delivery though I don't normally date permiscuous women. maybe i was to hard on this one to soon here's my story if you'd like to read it? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t133540/ Anyways I don't know I guess maybe I need to chill out. Any other opinions about worrying about diseasaes? I know someone who takes Famvir for herpes, no thanx
Cobra_X30 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Maybe I do rush into relationships. No i didn't have a talk with her about it because if i did i thought i would wierd things out. It wound up doing just that. I don't normally date permiscuous women. maybe i was to hard on this one to soon here's my story if you'd like to read it? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t133540/ Anyways I don't know I guess maybe I need to chill out. Any other opinions about worrying about diseasaes? I know someone who takes Famvir for herpes, no thanx Yipp, How do you get along with your mom?
Author yippkiyay Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 lol ok I guess. Shes a traditional italian mommy has only been with my father since highschool waited for him when in the navy spoiled the **** out of me but gets angry some times
Cobra_X30 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 lol ok I guess. Shes a traditional italian mommy has only been with my father since highschool waited for him when in the navy spoiled the **** out of me but gets angry some times Thats good news Yip. I want you to pay attention to the more hardcase guys on the site who have trouble dealing with women. Most have very bad relationships with thier mother. My mom isnt worth the thought... and sure enough its very difficult for me to trust women. Most of the advice given here has been good. You really cant spend your whole life paranoid. But, when your dating a girl, you absolutely must set boundaries. You have to let them know that there are some things you will not put up with. This way they know exactly that the consequences are if they cheat on you. No, I dont mean dig a six foot hole in the back yard and point to it every time she is over. I mean make absolutely sure that she knows you will unceremoniously dump her, and that there is no way she could ever hide something like that from you!
Author yippkiyay Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 at what point in a relationship is a good time to have that talk? I was INTMATE with the last girl for a week and she seemed to think i jumped the gun. then again i was drunk and my delivery wasnt very classy if you've read my story. still though when? If i got along ewith my mom ok whats my issue?
Cobra_X30 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 at what point in a relationship is a good time to have that talk? I was INTMATE with the last girl for a week and she seemed to think i jumped the gun. then again i was drunk and my delivery wasnt very classy if you've read my story. still though when? If i got along ewith my mom ok whats my issue? Mom issues just make it harder, nothing more. Well, first you were drunk. Do you think she took you less seriously becaus of that? Second, its something you need to agree upon. If she says, hey Im not ready to be exclusive. Thats your cue to look for other girls. Really its about bieng honest. If your honest with others, most of the time they will be honest with you.
Author yippkiyay Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 OK lets get back to the original topic
shadowofman Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Ok, so let me get this straight. You are saying that jealousy is not a self esteem issue. I disagree. Jealousy implies that you are envious of a rival. That you are "jealous" of the man that is hitting on your girlfriend. This is a self-esteem issue because you are not confident in your appeal vs. the appeal of the other man. If what you are intending to mean is that you are possessive of your woman..... ....I see perfectly confident capable people given the run around as well. These are also the people who don't find out (if ever) what was going on behind there back because they weren't paying attention or investigating...because they have so much self esteem? ...Well then no. These people do not have low self-esteem. They may have the highest self-esteem in the world. The problem is that they are not possessive enough. Simple!
Author yippkiyay Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 Hmmmmm please describe this reasonble level of possesiveness
Star Gazer Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 You could get on a plane tomorrow, crash, and die. You can't prevent it if that's what's going to happen and if you waste all your energy worrying about the turbulence you'll be too distracted to enjoy the view of the clouds. That's brilliantly stated, Tanny. I'm stealing it.
shadowofman Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Your reasonable level of possessiveness is directly related to your fear of infidelity. I don't know. Don't have a possessive bone in my body. In fact, my subjective morals are opposed to possession of a person or their sexuality. If my W started having gross sex, with gross people, well then I just wouldn't have sex with her anymore.
Author yippkiyay Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 um ok but would you know she was having sex with someone else?
tanbark813 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 That's brilliantly stated, Tanny. I'm stealing it. Thanks. Just reference me in a footnote.
Author yippkiyay Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Tanbark what do you think of shadowmans comments?
tanbark813 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Tanbark what do you think of shadowmans comments? I agree with them. The more you fear being cheated on the more possessive you will be. Personally, I can't be totally unpossessive myself, but I do think I'm less possessive now than I have been in the past and I think it's directly tied to being more secure with myself than I have in the past. I don't deny how bad being cheated on sucks, but instead of seeing it as the end of the world, you can frame it to be an action that disqualifies a person as being worthy of your time and love.
shadowofman Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 um ok but would you know she was having sex with someone else? Well, concidering that she is allowed to have sex with other people and she knows it, then the conditions don't require her to hide anything. I also have the utmost confidence that she wouldn't just pick up guys at some skeezy bar. She is more picky than I would be, and I'm pretty picky. I have to confess that I was a bit possessive years ago. Especially with my first girlfriend. She actually cheated on me with seven other men and I dumped her for it. Then a later girlfriend, who was allowed to have sex with others, and boy did she, she fell in love with someone else. That didn't make me feel very good, and I was tired of her anyway, so I dumped her. Now, I don't even care about that. My W could totally fall in love with another man and I wouldn't mind. As long as she was still in love with me as well. Hell, he could even move in if he was cool enough.
Author yippkiyay Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 OH....MY...GOD shank you shadow for your insite but i see were your coming from now and its not how i roll. nothing against you but there are 1 of two tings going on here either you have all that ink on your back because you were a abused child or your a fag. I nailed my edx and all you guys thought i couldn't have a psoitieve attitude deuchbagss rent the secret.
shadowofman Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Well, I am a fag. And you must be drunk, cause I didn't understand half of that.
bigheartkindsoul Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Self esteem does effect us on so many levels. Our past also effects us and gives us insecurities too. I was never knowingly cheated on but sometimes feel the same way as you, this I believe is my lack of self esteem in a relationship with a guy - why - well in my teens Mum was with ex Step Father who didn't really like females so Mum and me just got in the way and were beaten and verbally abused too, basically I never was or could be good enough but this has damaged me for the here and now. I never deep down feel good enough for anyone and feel like I either have to prove my worth or that I might lose that person. I am trying to learn and change how I think and feel, as it is only recently I have done alot of soul searching as to the reasons why I am like I am, and feel like I do when in a relationship, will be hard to change but possible I guess and have read.
Recommended Posts