Author carrotgirl Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 Carrot, I would not invite the GD to celebrate with you. You spent last weekend talking a visiting with him. Let him miss you. If anything once you are certain of your good news then tell others in the office and it will get back to him. Then he can decide what to do with that information. Spind, this is why I was so horrible yesterday. I was seeking a little celebratory-company-something from my mates and no one really seemed to care. I know it's largely a function of me being single and them not being single but it still sucks. Unders, it was two weeks ago! My how time flies when we're having fun. But yah, I think it's best I don't. If he says something then do I ask?
underpants Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Spind, this is why I was so horrible yesterday. I was seeking a little celebratory-company-something from my mates and no one really seemed to care. I know it's largely a function of me being single and them not being single but it still sucks. Unders, it was two weeks ago! My how time flies when we're having fun. But yah, I think it's best I don't. If he says something then do I ask? That is kind of a tough one. If it is a celebratory (many people) thing and he inquires about it then you could say. Come if you like casually. If it is a I want to help you thing. I don't think I would accept. I would say thank you, and tell him that you have made other arrangements. (and look extremely happy while doing so) Sorry, 2 weeks since contact outside of work. That is still fresh. He needs to miss you more (silly gd)
Spinderella Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 When you are in a relationship, you always have somebody to celebrate with, a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to at the end of the evening and...oh crap Ive just depressed myself. My point was going to be, that to truly get over the relationship, you have to face losing all of those things, not just that particular person. I was not particuarly happy with the person I was with, but still felt the loss of all of those things when it ended. After a little while you either build up a larger social support structure or you find someone else. Sometimes you adapt to be really self sufficient. If you keep going to him, you dont allow yourself to make those adjustments, and you dont know how long he is going to be an option for you.
Author carrotgirl Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 This really seems like part of a larger question of what is a reasonable expectation to have of friends/lovers/family what have you.... I'm feel a definite slight by others in this because I'm no longer with someone, not necessarily GD. The responses from friends since I'm not part of a couple and I've reached this particular milestone, well, they are just bad. From not very happy to downright not supportive. I'm disappointed people aren't happier for me. I feel like if I don't share then my friends will say I'm not sharing, but when I do share, I feel punished and like my joy is tarnished by their apathy.
underpants Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 This really seems like part of a larger question of what is a reasonable expectation to have of friends/lovers/family what have you.... I'm feel a definite slight by others in this because I'm no longer with someone, not necessarily GD. The responses from friends since I'm not part of a couple and I've reached this particular milestone, well, they are just bad. From not very happy to downright not supportive. I'm disappointed people aren't happier for me. I feel like if I don't share then my friends will say I'm not sharing, but when I do share, I feel punished and like my joy is tarnished by their apathy. Dang, That is terrible. That just sucks Carrot. I hope all your friends don't do that. I dunno, maybe the fact that you are independent and single threatens their choices. That is not cool. The trama of a break up can have a collateral effect on mutual friends and associates. If that is the case then some eggshell walking is expected for a time. I hope you have some friends that would be there and celebrate your good fortunes without smug apathy. If not, then have a virtual party. You do have family though. You do have that.
Author carrotgirl Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 Just a quick interruption of the thread and then I'll go back to work and harumphing I promise.... Had a little pre-press thing earlier and the GD watched me for an hour. It doesn't change a thing but he looked at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the room and guess what I did? I ignored him! The ego jolt is almost as good as those happy drugs the doc gave me (that made me sick after). But not quite.... I did a good job. I contained myself. I took care of myself. And now I have to go back to work some more. Carrot
Spinderella Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 Well done Carrot As for the couples thing, I know what you mean about that. Its as though the world loves you when you are in a couple. I dont really understand it, but Ive experienced it ALOT. Not just from friends, from family too!
Author carrotgirl Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Yah. Let's just say my family are being polite. They've already made their feelings known about my marital status and all that. Now for the drama of the day. Was out last night with a friend and happened to bump into my ex. I sent an email apologizing for the awkwardness because he would have at least done that for me. He wrote back completely NOT acknowledging my male company. Said he was drunk and didn't remember anything. A reasonable lie. I let it go. But in fact, I could tell when I got in to the office he was putting on a show and he was pissed at me. He spent the whole morning trying to get my attention, making eyes, and I ignored. I'd already said sorry. So then he was a great big giant douche for the rest of the morning and some of the afternoon. He deliberately snubbed me at lunch which he has NEVER done to me EVER. It was a silly thing over a paper napkin but the action was noted by our Office Manager of all people. She made a comment about a pig... And after that he spent the afternoon making more eye contact and finally, I passed by, deliberately turned looked him in the eyes because they were already there and smiled my best smile and walked on. He knows about my big event this week and has not said one word. Not one. Other people came up and congratulated me today and he said nothing. After lunch but before the smile my ex did more than snub someone else. I overheard him on the phone telling off his friend who dislikes me. Again, none of this changes anything but it was nice to know that he made a stand for me, basically telling the guy to back off of it. He had a choice of hanging out with that guy last night and didn't. Instead he hung out with some safe, safe friends who are also my friends. My boss gave me the day off tomorrow if I like. At first I thought I would go in to the office but now I think maybe I like! I had a good work day today. I'm feeling really good about myself. I'd like to hold onto that feeling for a while. I took care of myself today again! Good job Carrot!
Author carrotgirl Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 Today a beautiful and gracious lady at the bank gave me a blessing. I was so moved! And otherwise, I'm alone with no one to share my happy day. It turned out to be just another day. My head is pounding. My stomach hurts. I think I might be sick. I don't even want to open my champagne. So I must be sick right? I miss my GD.
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