carrotgirl Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I'm venting. I'm having one of those really stressed out days. My friend who was a jerk two weeks ago? Or was it three weeks ago? Well he turned into jerk again and now I'm done on that. He and the ex have been in extra close cahoots for the last couple of weeks and that has me paranoid and I don't even know why. Okay, well the one friend of the ex's that hates me is also now part of that group. Again, I shouldn't be paranoid. There is no reason for me to be, but I am. Have done a decent job of low to no contact the past few days. Scratch that. Ex just made an appearance in my life again. He can't leave it alone. And friend who isn't a friend just called and told me he wants to talk. Great. Yah. Now I'm really feeling paranoid. Carrot
underpants Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Carrot, What does all this have to do with Home Depot? I love that place. If you feel like these people are in cahoots or at the very least that they do not have your best interests at heart. Then it is okay to distance yourself from them for a while. Since you all work together just keep it civil and distant. Have plans and just give yourself the space to feel whole again. Remember, you are the Carrot. You lead.
Author carrotgirl Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 Hi Unders. Missed ya! The other guy doesn't work with us. He's just a mutual friend. I feel like I've lost that friend and it hurts, but oh well, I've been so hurt over one thing or another lately it's just another bone on the fire. I hate going to Home Depot alone. Today was worse than usual. The guys were like dogs. I felt like they would have come up and smelled my crotch if they could. I got what I needed and left as quickly as possible. And despite that, I don't feel like the carrot. I don't feel like a tasty treat at all. I just feel icky.
underpants Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Well, Sometimes life just sucks. There is to be expected a little fall out after a break up. Friends scatter a bit, the two parties attempt to readjust to life without the comforts of the relationship (some still try to have both). It is a confusing time. You will get through it. You are a 24 carat carrot. Is there a Lowes near you. I do prefer that to HD. However, I love both. I am usually too caught up in project or art ideas to notice creepy dudes. Well, unless I need some sort of assistance.
Author carrotgirl Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 What a dick. I've been too angry to say anything for the last hour. My friend who is now a non-friend stopped by to talk. All he wanted was to negate me: You're wrong about me. I'm here for you. You have unusually high standards for friendship. No, you're not there for me and no, I don't have higher standards than the rest of society. I don't expect my friend to keep hanging up the phone on me with no explanation before or after. I take that as a very blatant display of Carrot, I don't want to be friends with you anymore. He mocked me (I think I'd rather have the negation): All kinds of eye rolling and snorting and smirking and laughing. He complained about the ex. So insensitive a$$ tells me he doesn't want to be friends with the ex. He is still miffed at how the ex treated me. That's nothing new. He said it before. I suppose it's possible all of the effort has been on the part of my the ex. He really has been bending over backwards to be friendly with our now-non-friend since our break up. He has been purposely spending extra time and he did mention this when he was over last week. But really, he complained to me about this? Couldn't he perhaps complain to the ex about it? So much for my paranoia. Now I want nothing more than to tell the ex what a dick the nnf is and that he should protect himself. But he'll figure it out. Then this is a good one. After he complained about my ex, the nnf sniveled to me how harrrrd it's been on him spending time with both of us (me and the ex) since we broke up. WHAT? Except for two times where I got roped into going out because the ex asked me in front of coworkers, I've stayed completely OUT of their doings. I haven't discussed me, or the ex, other than to ask would he keep an eye out since the ex went all hermity. My friend said he could not deny this. Then he threw out this zinger: you have to admit that your unhappiness has been evanescent. Again, WHAT? No. In general, my unhappiness has been like a tremendous, dark cloud that won't lift. Go read the dictionary you lazy, affected, selfish fu-a$$-ck! Yah. I'm very 24k. Carrot
Spinderella Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 It really sounds to me that your nnf thinks that he has to take sides, and tried to explain these feelings to you with the "this has been hard on me..." speech. It is not neccessarily that you have put nnf into that position or that the ex has, but possibly something that nnf feels himself. Perhaps due to being put in that position before now or another reason.... It sounds as though he is struggling with guilt for speaking to you, hence the putting the phone down, then guilt for hanging out with your ex, and the reason why he bad mouths the ex, and also reassures himself with "your unhappiness has been evanescent". This is the way I see it. Perhaps you shouldnt be so hard on the nnf, and should ask if its the case, and reassure him, that you want him to feel comfortable being friends with you both.
Author carrotgirl Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 I hear your points. I agree with you. I have been distressed about the state of the friendship in recent weeks. I don't take losing a friend lightly. I suppose it's another time will tell. Otherwise it's another stress filled week with a lot of excitement too. Big things happening in my personal life and I want to share with the ex but fear is getting in the way. I'm mute. Carrot
Author carrotgirl Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Sao, maybe when it's all over.... Thanks for making me smile.
sedgwick Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Carrot, have I mentioned lately that I totally love you?
Jasmine8719 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I feel the same way about going to Home Depot alone
Author carrotgirl Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Sed, your timing is impeccable. I don't know why I deserve it but I'll take the love and right back at ya. Damn. I so wish you were here. Think of all the fun we'd have kicking each other in the butt and then laughing after. I'm a stinking pool of foulness this afternoon. There's not much I hate but I HATE when people are too busy for good things. I think all I'm hearing is I'm too busy to hear your good news, I'm too busy to celebrate with you, I'm too busy to wish you well, I'm too busy to care. I feel like I got dumped all over again.
sedgwick Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Aw, big hugs to the Carrot! I just love that you have such a good sense of humor -- I know how much you're hurting but your posts always bring a smile to my face. You just seem like a really awesome person, and your ex is a giant douche for not getting it. Seriously. Giant douche.
Author carrotgirl Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 duped? by whom? Me duped meself! LS posted the same post twice.
Spinderella Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Me duped meself! LS posted the same post twice. Are you duping me?
Author carrotgirl Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Aw, big hugs to the Carrot! I just love that you have such a good sense of humor -- I know how much you're hurting but your posts always bring a smile to my face. You just seem like a really awesome person, and your ex is a giant douche for not getting it. Seriously. Giant douche. This is the exact word I've had lolling offa da dung. Dooooouche. Love it. Henceforth we can refer to the ex as GD. So very appealing. But do....shhhhhh. We must be wary of the humor. It seems this is mistaken for evanescence. Bluh. That just chaps my lips. If I went about looking and acting on the outside like I feel on the inside, I'd get a permanent leave of absence at a nice mental ward or, um, prison. I bring a smile? That's the nicest thing to hear. I'd say you have no idea, but really, you do. Thank you. This means a lot to me. Especially today when I'm frothing.
Author carrotgirl Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Are you duping me? Would I dupe you?
Spinderella Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Would I dupe you? You're right, you wouldn't Hope you are feeling much less paranoid and stressed now, and congrats on whatever it is you are celebrating this week. Oh I just realised you are frothing, sorry to hear that.
Author carrotgirl Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 you wouldn't Wouldn't and couldn't. I'm not frothing as much as rabid. Was but not so much now. I'm working up the courage to clean Cat's nasty fur balls. Did I say I wanted another kitty? I'm over it. Put me down for a dawg. Tell me some more how I should pretend GD doesn't exist and I shouldn't ask him to celebrate with me this weekend. Tell me. Because I don't wanna. I think I want to enjoy my wildly lonely success by myself. I would rather someone wanted to celebrate with me but no one does and I don't feel like asking. Which I recognize is a very bad attitude. I'm worth treating myself. I even bought myself very nice champagne (so you now know it's not me preggers) and I'll drink to me with me. Carrot
Author carrotgirl Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 It's another emotional day. For some reason there's a vibe around the GD. I don't know what or why but I'm learning there's usually something to it. My insides are quaking. Carrot
Author carrotgirl Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 I got lucky and the GD seems to have disappeared for the day. I was friendly-ish I suppose. I don't know if I should invite him to celebrate my big event with me this weekend or not. He hasn't asked. I haven't said. He may not even know.
Spinderella Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Dont invite him. Invite someone new, not neccessarily a man, but that would be fine too;) Invite anyone, but him.
underpants Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Carrot, I would not invite the GD to celebrate with you. You spent last weekend talking a visiting with him. Let him miss you. If anything once you are certain of your good news then tell others in the office and it will get back to him. Then he can decide what to do with that information.
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