liddie Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 So I am talking to a client when I hear my cell phone ring...I ignore it as I am at work. After the client leaves, I check to see who called....its the Wife!! No we have talked several times on the phone.....should I call her back? she did not leave a message.
TogetherForever Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 So I am talking to a client when I hear my cell phone ring...I ignore it as I am at work. After the client leaves, I check to see who called....its the Wife!! No we have talked several times on the phone.....should I call her back? she did not leave a message. Liddie don't waste your time calling her back. If it was of any importance, she would've left you a vm. TF
imstunned Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Hi - I'm not sure of the background to your situation, (I'm new) but if it were me I'd just be sitting all night, all tomorrow etc until I found out what she wanted/or she called back. So I'd call her and see what she wanted. x
Author liddie Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 Liddie don't waste your time calling her back. If it was of any importance, she would've left you a vm. TF That is my philosophy also.....however curiosity is killing me.....however seeing as I am ending it with MM when ever he gets back in town I am afraid I will say something to make matters worse in their home....you know what I mean?
GreenEyedLady Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Don't call her back...She'll be calling you back, I'm sure...
TogetherForever Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 That is my philosophy also.....however curiosity is killing me.....however seeing as I am ending it with MM when ever he gets back in town I am afraid I will say something to make matters worse in their home....you know what I mean? When in doubt, DON'T! That is the best advice I will give you. Don't call her back. If you are ending it, you don't need to speak to either one of them. Curiosity will kill the cat - Satifaction will bring him back. Don't do it!!!!!!! TF
imstunned Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 At the moment - given that what I want to do in my own situation is totally the opposite of the majority opinion - I'd go with the majority! Dont call her! lol! x
Gwyneth Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Don't call her back. If she wants to talk, she will call you. The wife called me last week five times and just breathed in my ear. She called me twice every minute, then three more times until midnight. What's to say? Leave my husband alone? Maybe she should be calling her husband--not you. In my opinion, he is her problem, not you. Gwyneth
NoIDidn't Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Don't call her back if she didn't leave a message and has only called once. If you are ending it with him, end it and then talk to her after you have ended it (if she calls you, or you decide to call her). Do you know why she is calling you?
Gwyneth Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I would Never suggest talking to the wife. Let the husband handle her. You're just adding fuel to the fire when you go and talk to the wife. You do not know what the husband has told her--you don't want to go and tell her a different story. It could make things worse, and backfire on you big time. She called and had the opportunity to talk to you but didn't. That's too bad...she lost her chance. What I don't get is why the wife is calling the OW. I have been cheated on by boyfriends and Never Ever considered contacting the OG. Wow...it amazes me the Wife would call the OW, when they Should be discussing the situation with their husband.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 You've already talked to her a few times - does her calling again seem unusual to you? Had she said that she was not going to call you anymore? She is probably just calling you with more questions, or simply just has something to tell you. I'm sure that she will call you back eventually.
Author liddie Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 Well, she did call back yesterday and I did answer the phone. She wanted to know why I was sending her husband text messages. She told me that it is not my place to be sending her husband text messages. Now, I do know for a fact that she is under the impression that her husband and I are no longer together. I also know for a fact that she disects the phone bill each month. Now in my opinion, if you TRUELY want to get your marriage back on track don't you have to start building trust back in some way?
NoIDidn't Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 She is working on rebuilding the trust. She is starting by attempting to get the things that cause her to lose trust taken care of. I think she was respectful and well within her rights in her request. Now its up to you to do as she asked. Also up to her H to stop doing the same. I thought you were planning on ending it anyway? Does it matter what she is doing to rebuild trust if you are voluntarily getting out of the picture? Plus, if you and he both know that she dissects the phone bill, why continue with the text messaging? Just asking.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Now in my opinion, if you TRUELY want to get your marriage back on track don't you have to start building trust back in some way? Sure, building trust is important in reconciliation - but in this case, what is she building that trust on? You and he are still in contact, right? She has no reason to trust him, or even consider building trust at this point.
NoIDidn't Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Sure, building trust is important in reconciliation - but in this case, what is she building that trust on? You and he are still in contact, right? She has no reason to trust him, or even consider building trust at this point. LB, when you place in your way, I have to ask liddie this: Are you expecting her to trust him when he is still in contact with you and you with him? Is this to help their M or the A?
norajane Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Now, I do know for a fact that she is under the impression that her husband and I are no longer together. I also know for a fact that she disects the phone bill each month. Now in my opinion, if you TRUELY want to get your marriage back on track don't you have to start building trust back in some way? Her impression is changed by finding your text messages...she's not going to continue to believe that you're no longer together if you actually are still in contact, still texting. In fact, she has no choice but to believe you are still together. It's not up to her to build trust. It is up to her husband to build trust by actually being trustworthy. And she's seeing that he's not trustworthy, because she can't trust him when he says things are over between you because you are still together. In order for her to trust him, his words have to be backed up by his actions. And they are not.
Havn_a_life Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Well, she did call back yesterday and I did answer the phone. She wanted to know why I was sending her husband text messages. She told me that it is not my place to be sending her husband text messages. Now, I do know for a fact that she is under the impression that her husband and I are no longer together. I also know for a fact that she disects the phone bill each month. Now in my opinion, if you TRUELY want to get your marriage back on track don't you have to start building trust back in some way?[/quote] Yeah the H does, not the W. She doesn't have to just bless him with it after finding out he's cheated on her. He has to earn it. She has a right to keep tabs on him till she feels comfortable. He's not being honest with her about working on the M, obviously. She must be thinking otherwise and I'd say he's lying to her. Don't be surprised if he's lying to you too. You may not think it's your place to deal with her, but if you're still having sexual relations with her H, it is your responsiblity to either quit or if you think he doesn't want to be with her, you could tell her, hey, he's pulling your chain. He's still seeing me. Personally, I hope she finds out and dumps him. She deserves better than being lied to.
Author liddie Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 I agree with each and every one of you. NID - Yes I did say I am ending it with him and still intend to when he gets back in town. Its not so much me caring whether there is or isn't trust in their marriage. I think its just one of those things that make go hmmm. Back 7 or 8 months ago, she told me that they had a lot of problems in their marriage and that they were going to go counseling. I told her that was a great idea and wished her the best of luck. They went one time and neither went back. I guess that if I wanted to salvage what was left my marriage I would do everything in my power to do so. As far as the texts go when she asked me to stop I replied "OK" in a very happy voice. She got mad and hung up the phone. I think she wanted me to argue with her. Nora - You are right - it is up to him to regain her trust not me. As I said, I am ending it with him. It is up to him to be forthcoming. Havin - Awhile back she suggested the 3 of us get together and lay everything out on the table. She wanted to hear everything. At the time I thought that was the craziest thing I had ever heard....now it is tempting to do so. She has every right to know what she wants to know about the A. He is not going to tell her.
NoIDidn't Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 liddie I think you are going to need to tell the both of them to stop contacting you after you end it. He doesn't seem to want to work on the marriage or answer any of her questions, so she is coming after you for that. Have you considered blocking their calls or changing your numbers? It might not be desirable, but neither is constantly being bombarded with unwanted phone calls. I hope you don't have to deal with it, though.
Havn_a_life Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Havin - Awhile back she suggested the 3 of us get together and lay everything out on the table. She wanted to hear everything. At the time I thought that was the craziest thing I had ever heard....now it is tempting to do so. She has every right to know what she wants to know about the A. He is not going to tell her. That's sad too, if he won't talk to her about it. If you are a straightforward person and honestly want her to know the real truth of the whole thing, I'd tell her. I will say, the OW in my H's case was a total liar. She was in it for herself and once he dumped her, she was very spiteful, trying to make up things, because if she wasn't going to get him, I should dump him, too. I'm glad I believed my H. I can now say, he was telling me the truth about the A.
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