Author yippkiyay Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 i have to admit, i do notice a pattern of her being interested when she is chasing me. seems like it would be hard to give her a reason to do that now. it would be nice if i could just find common ground with her again. whats IC?
Ladyjane14 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Interesting observation? She only seems interested when she has to chase after you and you're not chasing after her? Men "score" when they become physically intimate with a woman, women "score" when they've got some guys heart in thier hand! I noticed that too. That's why I'm thinking if he withdraws back to the friendship dynamic... he might just peak her interest a little, creating a bit of mystery without coming off as threatening. On the plus side, if the "friendship" is an honest one, they still have something to enjoy together even if they don't make it romantically. IC = Individual Counseling. I think it might give her some insight into why she's avoiding commitment, but it's totally her decision if she wants to look into that or not. You know, she might only be "avoiding committment" when it comes to you. Sadly, that can't be ruled out yet. Now, IF you two do every become more serious... I'd say you would definitely benefit with some Couples Counseling.
Author yippkiyay Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 the longest relationship she has had in the past two years is two months. She doesn't want to think about marrage for a a couple years. Either do i I went back to college and have a couple years left. When we first started seeing eachother she began to have a change of heart. almost more serious then me. Anyways she doesn't seem to be commiting to anybody. At the same time it sucks that we are in this position. I mean No Contact. Yuck
Gunny376 Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 For one? You're trying to hard ~ looking too hard ~ wanting it too badly. I live in a college town. And I see it everyday ~ college age students that don't have their priorties straight. If they knew now what I know ~ the last thing they would have on their mind would be partying and chasing after women ~ let alone a steady GF ~ let alone a relationship. All too many people get into marriage/relationship's because they've got it in their head that they've just got to have someone! They're going to die if they don't have a steady BF or GF. This girl isn't interested in a long term relationship ~ she's interested in playing the field, having a good time, etc. I'm thinking that she see potential as a long term BF ~ but down the road ~ and so she wants to keep you at arms length while she goes out and has a good time with her "toy-boys" Doesn't means she's sleeping with any nor all of them ~ she's just being an "attention-hog" and letting a bunch of idiot men spend lots of money on her, show her a good time, and buy her stuff! And if the gender-roles were reversed ~ men would be 10X's worse about it! LJ's right! Your best bet for now is to "run silent ~ run deep!" Work on yourself, your life, your degree, your carrer, your future. Said to say? But people come and go in your life ~ and there are only about five true, die hard, to the death friends that your ever going to make in your life ~ be careful of who those people are ~ at the very least? One of them needs to be your wife! The person that you choose to be your spouse ~ has the propensity to be either the single greatest source of happiness in your life ~ or misery! The choice is yours! Were I you? Or if we could do the "Spock~Vulcan" mind melt? You wouldn't even be thinking about getting serious with this little gal nor anyone else. Generally, men and women that truly succeed in life? They marry "late" in life. They're too busy to do otherwise. On another thread you ask about when is a relationship exlusive and sex. You want a "true" relationship? Keep sex out of the picture as long as possible. That requires open communication about what's going on with the relationship and why you're not acting like a bunch of bunnies. And it need not be about moral/religious reasons ~ its about laying a foundation and building a relationship. A foundation based upon trust, confidence, reassurances! A foundation built upon "friendship" The reason so many marriages fail? People try to go from being acquaintences to lovers in less than sixty seconds. You've got to become friends first! That's what will hold you together when you question wheather you even "like" the other person ~ let alone love them ~ let alone "in love with them" After you've gone from being acquaintences, to friends, you need to work on becoming good friends, then best friends, then best friends, and then exculsive best friends ~ and then best of best friends ~ and then lovers! Ask someone that's been married for 50 years or more, where's there's not this dominant he/she relationship, where there's equilibriumn and balance what kept them together and they will tell you ~ he/she's my best friend! LJ and her DH have that kind of relationship! They know ~ she don't play ~ he don't play! But they've gotten to where they're at over the last 25 years through hard work and communication. The best thing you can do with this little gal? Tell her: "I'm your friend! When you're ready? There's a potential for more and better! When you're ready! When your ready to committ to one woman loving one man, and one man loving one woman. I'm there! You're not there! And the offers not going to be on the table for ever and ever! I'm not one of your little "toy-boys" to be triffled with! I'm a man! I've got my pride! I don't need some little girl! And I don't need some wman hurting me inside!" And then get busy living your life ~ and forget about her! Let her go play with her little "toy-boys" who have zero chance of getting with her, and being with her for good! You've got to understand that at her age? She's thinking that she's got the edge on the market. That she's got the supply ~ and guys like you? You've got the demand? The solution is simple ~ you've got to flip her thinking into thinking that "this guy is one in a million! ~ I'd better act fast before he gets away!" You've got to sell yourself to her ~ and LJ's right ~ if this thing goes further? She needs to get into IC and you should definatly get into pre-MC should you decide to get married! Meanwhile ~ ? I see you're askng about asking bartenders and waitress out? WTF? Marriage, dating, mating, relationships are way over-rated! They're a pain in the azz, easy to get into, difficult to maintain, and can be hard to get out of! Just chill! When you quit looking for it? Its going to come along and hit your azz between the eyes like a run-a-way freight train!
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 I agree that she needs counseling. Not a psychiatrist either. She'd have been to one before if meds were issued. She's needs more of a pyschotherapist. One who will actually help her to get to the root of her problem. And the root of her problem isn't the abuse from the exBF as much as it is from her abusive childhood IMO. Of course she seems interesting. She's got a lot going on upstairs. But if you care about her as a friend you should encourage her to get the help she needs. And until she does you can plan on a whole lot of drama with this one. I speak from my own personal experience on this. You can feel alive by hanging out with her and dig the charge she throws but know that she is very incapable of loving you back with any great intensity. If she doesn't believe she is worthy of love no amount of love you show her will change her thinking. She needs to change her thinking for herself. And until she loves herself she just isn't capable to love somebody else. Because she isn't really wanting to be loved as much as she is looking to be validated. She's trying to feel okay. So she goes to men to make her feel okay. You included. But feeling okay comes from within. Which is why she needs counseling.
Author yippkiyay Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 She seemed to be most attracted to me when I wasn't really that interested. I think she may be dating a guy now who has taken her fro granted in the past or just is not interested. Why is she like that? And I've seen women do this before be drawn to guys who just take them for granted, sleep with other women, the girl cries her eyes out and comes back for more. Why? and i've seen perfectly capable doen to earth beutiful women get caught up in this.
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Why? and i've seen perfectly capable doen to earth beutiful women get caught up in this. Because she doesn't believe she's worth being treated well. It doesn't matter how the outside world views her...it's about how she sees herself.
Author yippkiyay Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 Could it be though that maybe I smothered hertowards the end? Even people who think they deserve to be treated well can be over treated well and feel an emotional in debtness that they can't repay which turns them away. right?
amaysngrace Posted October 24, 2007 Posted October 24, 2007 Could it be though that maybe I smothered hertowards the end? Even people who think they deserve to be treated well can be over treated well and feel an emotional in debtness that they can't repay which turns them away. right? Yeah, if you treat her too well it's going to freak her and make her want to run away from you. And if you treat her badly you may do the same thing, although I'd say she's probably more comfortable with being treated badly than well. But you don't want to do that and besides you'd have to have certain bad qualities about you that she'd feel comfortable with in order for her to like you in the first place. Like she said "your personalities aren't a match".
Author yippkiyay Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 That is Funked up. so basically your telling me that what she was saying was that I'm not eniough of a jerk for her? wow
Gunny376 Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 It takes all kinds to make the World go round! Self-satisfaction and happiness comes from within ~ YOU! Not through another! I realize your young~ but until you come to understand that your happiness and contentmet in life is an interal thing? You're never going to be happy! Me? I could give a "rat's ass" if I ever get married again, let alone in another relationship! The truth of the matter is? I've simply got more to offer most women, then most women have to offer me! The "answers" your looking for? The "solutions" you're looking for lay within yourself! Not her! Not me! Not Us! You and you alone!
Author yippkiyay Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 OK Gunny I get all that Devil Dog I already explained in my original story I'll get over it and grow from this and I realize I can't let my happiness rely on other people. I lost somebody that I realy liked because I made some bad decisions. There was good intentions behind those bad decisions but I realize now why they were the wrong move. I smothered her to try and fix things and she felt an emotional indebtness because I was going overboard trying to please her, crowding her. I wanted to make things right before I got busy with school. When I started to feel like I wasn't getting in return what i gave her i blew up on her. she didn't deserve that. My motives for being nice had an alterior and I over did it. I was just very into her and wanted to make things right again. Put us back on track. I realize maybe she has her own issues as well but we all do. Bottom line is I had a friend who shot him self a years ago, I blamed myself that maybe I should have been there for him more but I didn't see the signs. I picked pieces of his skull out of his carpet. He was a great friend and I had allot of fun with him. I went crazy with anger and lashed out at the world. I began to ask the questions like why are we here, why bother. I've come allong way since then but I tend to compromise my character from time to time. My negative behavior didn't bring him back and now it has pushed somebody I realy liked and was special away issues or no issues more often then not we realy clicked. Like I said in my story I only focused on the negatives. Well he's dead and gone, she may be gone now but she was a friend for years before we hooked up and shes not dead. So yes I'll move on but I will not give up hope that we could find common ground again.
Author yippkiyay Posted October 25, 2007 Author Posted October 25, 2007 Thinking about contacting her again. What I get from her away messages on AIM is that maybe she is seeing some guy and he is stringing her along and she is miserable. then again maybe thats what she wants. Any comments?
Author yippkiyay Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 guess what me and her ran into eachother last night and we nailed hard. Thanks for all the support but from hear on out I don't care what she does because I blew a load on her face. see ya negative dorks
peace_pipe Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 guess what me and her ran into eachother last night and we nailed hard. Thanks for all the support but from hear on out I don't care what she does because I blew a load on her face. see ya negative dorks Sounds like a real nice girl...
Author yippkiyay Posted October 26, 2007 Author Posted October 26, 2007 She didn't ask for that I told her it was a mistake. I apologize for my vulgar langueage. There were some pent up feelings. Deep down I feel bad because maybe thats how I took out my frustrations with her. Rent the secret guys anything can happen. You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, Know when to just play the damn cards right. Its all in your game. Sometimes you have to just think about the down times as a part of the grand design. The best art is rooted in chaos. (Steve Jobs) Pressure can bend steel but it can also make diamonds. (russel Simmons). Maybe we'll be together maybe not. In the end noone on this site should lose hope or take anything personally. Rent the secret. Use your head head in a break up situation. If I did all the things my body told me too I would be dead. <aybe we'll be together maybe not. Just look in the mirror and see who you've always wanted to be and he or she will be drawn to it contact or no contact we are all connected.
Recommended Posts