jaelynne52 Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Okay, so I ended up in a little bit of mess this weekend with my ex, and I don't know what to think of it. Actually, it's not really my mess, it's his, but he decided to share it with me, and I really don't know what I'm supposed to think about it. Here goes... It was my birthday this Friday, and there was a lot of speculation between me and my friends as to what sort of response I could expect from my ex, if he would remember and let me know, if he would forget, if he would just ignore it...I was really curious, and I had no idea what to expect. It was getting late Friday, and I had started to think that he just forgot, when I got a text stating "Don't know what you are doing on a friday night, but happy b-day." He had remembered, and I didn't know how to respond at first, so I called up a mutual friend of ours that was supposed to help me celebrate later that night to see what he thought, and to give myself time to think. Well, my friend said it was great that he remembered, and said that I should invite him out with us that night. I've been avoiding the "friendly" atmosphere with my ex, although I have been talking to him, and so I was iffy about the whole idea of him going out with us. My friend was insistent though, and I was feeling very secure and centered, so I thought it wouldn't be a horrible idea, and agreed that I'd call him and see if he wanted to go out. He said yes, we went out, and I got a little more drunk then I intended, where some of the night isn't all that clear to me... The next morning I felt bad, and I wasn't completely sure that I hadn't done or said something stupid while we were out, so I texted my ex to say sorry about getting so trashed. He wrote back asking me if I had time for a short walk, and I instantly became concerned that I had done something horrible. I said sure, if it was short and early in the day, since I still had to go out of town to visit family for my birthday. I met up with him downtown, and he confessed that he had lied to me about remembering my birthday. Our mutual friend, who had talked me into inviting him to go out with us, had told him what day it was, and my ex had begged him to lie to me and help talk me into letting him go downtown with us, because he felt bad about forgetting. He said that the next morning he felt so guilty that he had to tell me. And apparently he feels guilty anytime we talk since our breakup as well... He said that anytime he's been around me since our breakup, he gets an overwhelming feeling of "guilt, regret, and a deep gut-wrenching sorrow...other things as well, but I don't want to get into it all". He said that sometimes he can't even look me in the face because this mix of emotions will overwhelm him when he does. He wasn't sobbing as he told me all of this, but he was tearing up, and he had to keep taking breaks to try and get a hold of himself. This is the man I've only seen cry once before. He's not a crier. I don't know what to make of this. He didn't explain what the guilt and regret was in reference to, if it was how he handled our breakup, or if it was because of the breakup, or what. I don't know if this should give me hope or if I should take it as a bad sign. One of my biggest complaints to him since our breakup was that he wasn't completely honest to me during our relationship, he never told me how he felt when things started to get out of control for him, and he always hid his emotions from me. Since then he's opened up a lot to me, and I'm starting to feel my trust in him be renewed. Do you think I'm jumping the gun here in thinking that things might not all be that bad? That maybe once he gets his head on straight again, there might be a chance for us? He hasn't ever said anything to me about getting back together or even wanting to, but I've recently been very cool and distant from him, so I'm worried that he's been scared to confront me over it. I'm not ready for it anyway, but it is a wish that I have for the future...this is the man that can't tell me he doesn't love me, no matter how much I've begged him to, so that I could move on. What does anyone think???
amaysngrace Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I think he's a screwed up individual. He sounds like he regrets breaking up but doesn't have the balls to make it work out either. I'd keep moving on if I were you. Let him love you from a distance. Sure he loves you which is why he can't say that he doesn't. It's cause you're lovable. But if he wanted you by his side you'd be by his side. He hasn't made the move to keep you there. Did you ever wonder if he and your mutual friend might be gay?
Author jaelynne52 Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 Definitely not gay, trust me. I agree with you that he's a screwed up individual. He has been for several months now. I just wish he'd go get help...but nothing I can say or do will point him in the right direction...he's got to make that choice on his own. Thanks for the reply!!
amaysngrace Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Okay just checking. But if you're sure then you're sure. I would just keep moving on. He sounds confused about how he feels and he's going to drag you into the confusion if you keep him around. And there's nothing you can do to help him understand how he feels if he isn't clear about it himself. I think keeping him around or wishing he'd change is just going to bring you confusion, frustration and eventually resentment. But it's your life. How you spend it and who you share it with is up to you.
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