googlezap Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I was driving a date home from dinner when somebody called her. She had been getting calls for a while and wasn't picking up (her phone was on silent but it had a light that would go off), but this time she said "sorry I'm going to have to take this one". So she picks up and I can tell it's a guy on the other end. She asks him if she can call him back later that night and he talks a little more before she finally hangs up. Should I be worried? She HAS told me that she is single.
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 That is kind of rude behavior on her part. Think about if YOU want to date HER and if you should be worried. She didn't HAVE to take that one. Like, was she literally going to die if she didn't answer? It sounds like you just have been on a date or two so don't get so caught up and "worried."
Krytie TV Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 That is kind of rude behavior on her part. Think about if YOU want to date HER and if you should be worried. She didn't HAVE to take that one. Like, was she literally going to die if she didn't answer? It sounds like you just have been on a date or two so don't get so caught up and "worried." Agreed. If all she said was she would call her back, that obviously wasn't a call she had to take. Were you two running late on the date? Maybe she had plans with someone after. Was there little or no conversation on the ride home? Fundamentally, unless you two are exclusive, her talking to guys (non-buddies) should be expected. However, her taking the call at that time is rather rude.
Author googlezap Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 Well she wasn't picking up the other calls, so I think she knew it was impolite to take calls, but why did she have to take that specific one? I notice with one of my gal friends that when we study together (in the library so you're not supposed to take calls) that she WILL pick up the phone if her bf calls her. I don't want to waste my time with this girl if she's got an almost bf in the background...
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I was thinking "ex" bf when you stated that. Maybe she mentioned to her exbf that she had a date, to make him jealous, who knows? and it worked. or she is working on getting back together w/him...did she break up with someone recently? But I really think she should have let it go to voicemail and not let you know she was calling him later. I really would feel badly if a guy did the same to me. Even if I was on a date and I wasn't "into" the guy, as they say, I still would not do that to my date (as long as he was treating me well, and I have no doubt you were.)
Author googlezap Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 Yeah ex-bf seems plausible, I don't know if she's recently broken up with somebody. I can see maybe making him jealous...but how would it mean that she's working to get back together with him?
StaringContest Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Uh... did you ever think that it might have been her brother or her father. Granted, it might have been a guy she's dating, but you're making some pretty big assumptions here.
Author googlezap Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 She doesn't have a brother (only child) and I could hear the guy on the other end pretty well, and his voice was too young to be the father.
StaringContest Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 My point was that it could have been any guy. Making assumptions based on people's theories on an internet forum is not going to help you any. Did you ask her what the call was about? There are ways to ask that aren't rude or prying. It's a little too late to ask now, but don't just assume she was going out with you to make an ex jealous or anything like that. Talk to her and find out what's going on in her life. If you find out she's got ex drama, you can let her go. But don't make such a big deal out of a single phone call.
Author googlezap Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 No I didn't, obviously I wish I had, or I wouldn't be asking now haha. The thing that is strange is that she chose to only pick up for this one guy, and none of the other callers. And it wasn't even anything important b/c she said she'd just call him back.
Author googlezap Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 How do I find out if she has any ex drama? I'm pretty bad at asking about personal stuff
Krytie TV Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I think that you did the right think not asking who it was. That could come off to her as very territorial behavior. Also, I think you're in danger of taking a bad turn if you start thinking too much about this. You're dating a girl who is obviously going to have other people in her life. The task ahead of you is to have confidence that if you just be yourself, everything will be OK. Either that will be attractive to her or it won't and she'll move on. If she moves on with another, you will be alright.
Pentula77 Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 ask her straight up... You..."so are you genuinely single, I get the impression you aren't..?" Her.."yes, of course" You "no ex boyfriends you stay in touch with ?" Her "well there is one ex but we're just friends, he usually calls me once a week. Is that a problem ?" You "actually yes"
Timberlane Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 My now ex wife did that the first night we were together after a year apart when I visited her in Europe. She gets a text message from some dude and in the middle of a back massage I am giving her she texts the guy back. I sheet you not. Needless to say, I was furious, stopped the massage, and wouldn't touch her the rest of the evening. Things more or less got burned to the ground over the course of that final trip.
oppath Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 It's rude, but not the end of the world. You ARE making some assumptions. I think you go out with her again, but if this is at all a pattern of behavior, you let her go. I dated a girl last summer who would text people while on dates with me. "Just friends." But since I met her online via match, I was tiffed. You are out with me, give me your attention for the hour. After 3 dates, I pulled a disappearing act, even though she would text me, because there wasn't a date where she didn't pull it. I expected her to talk to others, obviously, I was doing the same thing. I just found it rude for her to behave that way REPEATEDLY (and for her to go to the bathroom at a baseball game, and come back with a bottle of water for herself but nothing for me when I bought tickets, paid for parking, and bought a round of beers). There's no need to text: you can always say "I was at the baseball game" later, as an example. Point is, while it was rude of her, make sure she establishes a pattern of behavior. It could have been a close friend, a coworker, any number of possibilities. You simply don't know.
birdie Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 agree. there is no point guessing who it is because you just don't know and can be anyone. it's the fact that she is rude and has no manners that's the problem.
bish Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I was driving a date home from dinner when somebody called her. She had been getting calls for a while and wasn't picking up (her phone was on silent but it had a light that would go off), but this time she said "sorry I'm going to have to take this one". So she picks up and I can tell it's a guy on the other end. She asks him if she can call him back later that night and he talks a little more before she finally hangs up. Should I be worried? She HAS told me that she is single. dont worry...just dont go out with her anymore. How rude and inconsiderate. You take her out on a date...spend some money...this is YOUR time with her, and she is getting calls from other guys and actually answers one of them? this chick has too much baggage...don't carry it....drop it and walk away.
Star Gazer Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 My point was that it could have been any guy. Making assumptions based on people's theories on an internet forum is not going to help you any. Agreed. It could have been any guy, and you shouldn't assume all phone calls from males are dating-related. It could have been a boss, a coworker, a classmate, a cousin, a best friend...anyone.
Krytie TV Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I think it rather telling that the OP is being told to never see this girl again. It was one phone call from someone who could have been anyone. She was brief. Yes, answering is rude, but hey, if the conversation is dry in the car or nonexistent (which I asked to no avail), why not? Wow, one phone call. One time is a point. It takes three points to be a trend.
Star Gazer Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I think it rather telling that the OP is being told to never see this girl again. It was one phone call from someone who could have been anyone. She was brief. Yes, answering is rude, but hey, if the conversation is dry in the car or nonexistent (which I asked to no avail), why not? Wow, one phone call. One time is a point. It takes three points to be a trend. Not all of us can be the voice of reason, Krytiekins.
dbtmarley Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I gather you two are just friends at this point and just dating. Why not just date her with no expectations and enjoy her company. Keep your feelings in check all the while. What she does or who she talks to while you are just dating as friends is really of no importance to you, therefore it is none of your business. The moment she mentions anything about a relationship or being exclusive is when you tell her to clean out her closet. Just enjoy yourself for now. Isn't this what dating is really about?
Author googlezap Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 How the conversation was going? Well it was kinda during a pause, actually while she was going into the car she checked her phone and it was ringing and that's when she picked it up.
oppath Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I think it rather telling that the OP is being told to never see this girl again. It was one phone call from someone who could have been anyone. She was brief. Yes, answering is rude, but hey, if the conversation is dry in the car or nonexistent (which I asked to no avail), why not? Wow, one phone call. One time is a point. It takes three points to be a trend. Agreed, if this happens 2-3 times in a row, that is a problem, because it is rude. I do have one data point that I will act on though. Smokers. If I'm out with a smoker, and the bill comes, and she sees it as a good time to go have a smoke, leaving me alone while I wait for the bill to be transacted...NEXT.
Ariadne Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Hi, Should I be worried? She HAS told me that she is single. Worried about what? If she dumps you, ok. Do not concern with that stuff I'd say. Ariadne
Mezzi Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I dont necessarily think that she isnt single because she took that phone call. Ive taken phone calls on dates before. All types. Why? Sometimes it was a family member and I didnt want anyone freaking out that they couldnt reach me. Of course so as to ease any doubts id clearly answer with "Hi, Uncle..." Also sometimes I answered the calls as I know some callers would have just kept trying and trying. You should just ask her in a mild tone if she is seeing someone else. If she asks why would you ask that tell her because of the phone call. Your concerns may be valid, just pointing out that she may very well be single.
Recommended Posts