Thinking Of Breaking Nc, Anyone Wanna Gimme Your Thoughts...

[carolinaboy]

I'm mighty uncertain whether or not to break my self imposed NC rule with my ex who dumped me. I posted earlier about wanting to see her and our mutual friends perform this Thursday at a club. She broke up with me, started dating a dips*^t, yada yada. I miss her. Yes I'm still attracted to her. Do I want her back. Not necessarily.

 

I am feeling compelled to break the NC cos last night I was talking to my ex's new bf's old gf of 3 years. She was telling me to feel sorry for my ex, that this guy is gonna hurt her horribly and that if i ever cared about her at all, i would stay in contact.

 

I don't know what to make of that. She seems pretty happy, she's somewhat self sufficient, she broke up with me. I think it would come off as kind of desperate to be friends with her again cos her new guy is "gonna hurt her." It's not my place anymore. She has reached out to be friends which I brushed off. I have mixed feelings about that.

 

I don't know what to do. I really care about her, Im trying to heal. My thoughts would be so confused if we hung out. I just want to be a human about this, ya know?

[oppath]

You shouldn't break NC because your ex might someday be hurt by a new guy. WTF? Are you supposed to be there to console her? If she cared about you, she'd give you the space you needed to heal and if you were to become friends, given your history, it might be crossing the line for her to use you as her tampon.

 

If you want to be friendly because there are genuine things about her you like and value, and you truly believe that you aren't compatible as a couple, then contact her.

 

But it doesn't sound to me like this is the case.

[carolinaboy]

yes, i know that me basically saying I should break NC cos her new bf is gonna hurt her is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

 

What I meant is yes, there are things I genuinely love and respect about her as a friend. I think she's a great friend, a wonderful person. I am still attracted to her cos we went through a 3 yr. relationship obviously. I know it cant work out in a romantic aspect. I'm getting all the strength up in my newly single life to move on.

 

I'm just saying that one of the many reasons I want to break NC is cos I keep hearing from ex's of this guy that he is a sick person. The girl I mentioned in the previous post said she was in therapy for two years over this dude. That girl reminded me that hey, there is someone I really care about that i miss.

 

a friend.

 

Talking to that girl just made me realize my feelings for this girl are beyond the events of bf and gf. I would never tell her, "this guy is gonna screw you over." that's just desperate. I sorta dont care what happens.

 

Maybe Im just being weak at the moment. I do want to be her friend.

[gnyoda]

She broke your heart. You treated her with respect, and it sounds like you did everything you could to lead her down the right path. If she decides to associate herself with a **** up, then its her own fault, and she gets what she deserves. You owe it to yourself to worry about a woman who loves you, and will make you feel on top of the world, not someone who left you in the dumps.

[begood2urself]

Hey,

i just want to give you a good piece of advice: DON'T DO IT. If you break NC for those reasons you listed, that would make you a codependent. It is not your job to save her or fix her. Besides, there is nothing you can do to control whether she will continue to date this guy or not. I don't know you, but usually I have alterior motives when i do things like this. I would encourage you to seriously take an honest inventory of what those are, even slight doubt or confusion of your intentions, should be reason enough to stay away.

 

If you really care about her, let her go and have her experience, whether it is destructive to her or not, she has to learn that. Don't take experiences away from her, be your own person and take care of yourself. If NC is what you need to move on and get over her, don't sacrifice your needs to protect hers.

 

just my 2 cents

[jerbear]

We are all human, if you can handle being a friend and have the power to not cross that line then by all means do it.

 

Live life to the moment and you have to have the power to not cross that line. Think about it.