allovertheshow Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Hi all, Im completely new to breaking and i need to do so soon - once ive got it straight in my head the reasons why. Ive been with my girlfriend for three and a half years and im 23, shes 24. We started going out about 6 months before we both started at the same uni. She has since finished her degree (im in my last year now). Not long after we started going out she started having a lot of trouble at home (rows with parents etc). I advised her to move out for uni. She did so and hated the student house she lived in for two years and relied upon me heavily. Both for financial and emotional support. Moving in together was no different. Upset constantly about hating uni, then not having a job for a few months after and suffering from lack of confidence and self esteem. I struggled to cope with her also, i am generally outgoing, confident and happy most of the time. I enjoy others company (where as i feel she forces herself to). Ive had doubts for a long, long time about whether we would last - over a year. I now know we wont. I have no feeling of being 'in love' with her. Now i arent needed as much for emotional support (she has got a good job, found some confidence, gets on with her parents) i dont feel any common ground either. I have changed alot since we started going out, but dont feel as if ive shown this to her because i was always just the supportive, agreeable boyfriend. Ive spent so much time looking after her and not thinking about my own happiness i feel like now shes got herself on her feet i should be fulfilled, but im not, im just looking for the exit! Ive recently started looking after my appearance, watching what i eat and showing a bit more personality to my existing friends and new ones at work. Ive attracted a bit of attention from other girls and had to turn down some offers (ive never cheated on my girlfriend, and never will). But this has excited me - although this is not motivated by the need to see other people. Recently i have stepped back and looked at myself and realised that subconciously perhaps i have been working towards breaking up for a while. I dont feel any connection with my GF anymore. No spark! I could never imagine marrying her or buying a house (we rent at the mo) or waking up with her in two years time nevermind ten. I have missed so much in the last few years to make sure she was okay (holidays and such). I feel deeply guilty about feeling like this but i know its true. I care for her very deeply. She has taught me much about myself and the world and she really is a wonderful person. I dont know what to tell her that wont crush her (and blame herself) when i do the deed. Brutal Honesty (explain i need to move on because the emotional stress of the relationship over the last couple of years has made me fall out of love and need to be on my own again and find out who i am) or a basic 'i dont see us going anywhere / i dont love you anymore / its me not you'? Im completey new to breaking up (first major relationship) and as we live together its going to be a little more complicated and im very nervous about it! I dont know what to expect and how to explain all this to her without her feeling like she has wrecked the relationship (she does not want to break at all)?? Any thoughts appreciated sorry for the long post!
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