Author Gwyneth Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 I feel comfortable with Gel's suggestions. Let's not gang up on her. She is one of the few around here who has been helpful and supportive rather than making me out to look like this horrible, insane, irrational person. Thank you, gel
Havn_a_life Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I feel comfortable with Gel's suggestions. Let's not gang up on her. She is one of the few around here who has been helpful and supportive rather than making me out to look like this horrible, insane, irrational person. Thank you, gel Seems to me like that's the only reason you are so gung ho for her opinion. If she was telling you to dump the guy, like alot of others here, you'd be against her too. JMO
Author Gwyneth Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 No; I'm "gung ho" about her posts because she is one of the few around here who is a bit sympathetic. I'm in a hard situation too, you know, and scolding me isn't helping. She is one of the few who actually reads what I writes and isn't insinuating things from what I write. Most of you have. Most of you took what I wrote about the wife's job and turned that into me making fun of her job, and saying I think I'm better because I work on Wall St. I never even said what I do on Wall St. I also never said I wanted him--someone picked up down the line that I said this, and then a bunch of you assumed this as well, just like you assumed I think his wife is unworthy because she's a manicurist. So that is why I respect Gel's advice and would rather lick his wife's feet than read what some of you write.
whichwayisup Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I also never said I wanted him-- Then what do you want from him?
stillafool Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 did it ever occur to you that's how crazy they were about each other they were at that time. If she was just a "nail tech" and had a son from a previous marriage he must have really fell hard for him to propose in such a short time. It sounds like he still is in love with her or he wouldn't use someone else's son as an excuse not to leave. Get out now while you can. BTW, people who do nails earn an honest living. There's nothing wrong with that and shame on him for comparing. What does he do for a living?
GreenEyedLady Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 GEL I really don't understand your posts sometimes. Gwyneth has stated in the above quote that she came here looking for how to GET OUT of the A, not justify it. Yet, all she has done is make excuses for staying by repeating what he has said about his W and stepson as if it was a justification for the wavering. She said she doesn't want him. She said she wants out. Why does it seem like you are trying to give her the typical false hope that he MIGHT leave and then she can have him? That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. She said she doesn't want him. How does giving her the advice that she purports to want, but then tries to wiggle out of, make others naysayers? I don't see how that was helpful. If you read her posts, she goes back and forth...And she says she wants to be friends...I'm not here to impose anything on her...She is a big girl and can make her own decisions... She is obviously conflicted and she needs to really think about what she wants and needs...I gave my initial feelings in my first post...I don't need to beat her over the head with it...She will do what she wants...I am here to support in my way... I get sick of seeing people beat up on threads all the time and I'm not going to sit around and not post support just because someone goes against the norm... And I wasn't even referring to you, because you clearly are reasonable and level-headed...others aren't and keep on and keep on quite rudely...
GreenEyedLady Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Seems to me like that's the only reason you are so gung ho for her opinion. If she was telling you to dump the guy, like alot of others here, you'd be against her too. JMO Maybe you should check my first, initial post... I actually prefer to give my opinion, then not beat someone up over it... But that's apparently not your strategy...
NoIDidn't Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 If you read her posts, she goes back and forth...And she says she wants to be friends...I'm not here to impose anything on her...She is a big girl and can make her own decisions... She is obviously conflicted and she needs to really think about what she wants and needs...I gave my initial feelings in my first post...I don't need to beat her over the head with it...She will do what she wants...I am here to support in my way... I get sick of seeing people beat up on threads all the time and I'm not going to sit around and not post support just because someone goes against the norm... And I wasn't even referring to you, because you clearly are reasonable and level-headed...others aren't and keep on and keep on quite rudely... GEL Thanks for the level-headed compliment. I have worked hard on it. I wasn't criticizing your way of support, just the fact that it seemed against what she was posting. But I guess you feel Gwyneth was posting this (the not wanting him part) under duress. I can see that too.
Author Gwyneth Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 It doesn't matter what he does for a living, because that will give away too much details about how I know him, and god forbid his wife reads this. He told me that he was stupid marrying her so soon, and he should never have done that, and when I suggested maybe he rebounded by marrying her since he had Just gotten out of a 7-year relationship, he thought so too. He's confused, but how he felt back then might not be how he feels now. I think most humans act spontaneously, then regret it later on. Many people marry and later regret it. Look at celebs--many celebs marry so soon, then boom, divorce, or cheating, or some other dysfuntionality. I actually thought about this long and hard today and while giving advice to another person earlier, I thought to myself, "gosh, I should take my own advice." With that said, I am going to end this relationship with the MM and let him know that I'm serious this time, and that I will rearrange my day so that we do not have to see each other. That's just the way it's going to have to be. I do not Want to rearrange the lifestyle I'm accustomed to, but that is what I will have to do--at least for the time being. I will let him know that he will no longer see me and that if he decides to leave his wife, he can then call me and maybe we can see where any feelings we have now will stand at that time. Until then, while he's married and living with her, I cannot and willnot stay in this emotional affair. It's heartbreaking and stressful and my face is breaking out left and right. He's confused and it's confusing me--I hate this feeling. Thank you all, and I'll stick around to "defend" myself, and to help others
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I am going to end this relationship with the MM and let him know that I'm serious this time, Ask him to please respect your wishes when you end it. If he does actually care for you and want what's best for you, he'll leave you alone and do what he can so you two won't run into eachother.
Havn_a_life Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 No; I'm "gung ho" about her posts because she is one of the few around here who is a bit sympathetic. I'm in a hard situation too, you know, and scolding me isn't helping. She is one of the few who actually reads what I writes and isn't insinuating things from what I write. Most of you have. Most of you took what I wrote about the wife's job and turned that into me making fun of her job, and saying I think I'm better because I work on Wall St. I never even said what I do on Wall St. I also never said I wanted him--someone picked up down the line that I said this, and then a bunch of you assumed this as well, just like you assumed I think his wife is unworthy because she's a manicurist. So that is why I respect Gel's advice and would rather lick his wife's feet than read what some of you write. I wouldn't have even made a comment like that about the W of the MM I'm screwing around with. What he or you say about that innocent woman has nothing to do with her job, whatever she does for a living. Why would you make a comment like that, even if MM did say it, unless to make her look less worthy of him than you, a wall street whatever? Jus' askin'..... You shouldn't want to lick anyone's feet. But, you could better your own situation and dump the loser, if that's what you've been talking about on your posts. If it is, good for you. You got my vote. If you were with this guy and he had an OOW, poking fun at your job being inferior to the OOW's, that wouldn't sit too well would it?
Author Gwyneth Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 I know he will, at least for a few days. I'll keep all of you posted As for the scheduling, well I am the one who can change it, not him. It's his job--that would be a hard thing to do. I can easily change my work schedule to accomodate me not having to see him each day en route to work. I do not want to do this, but if this is what it will take, then I have to. This is me trying to be strong.
Havn_a_life Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Maybe you should check my first, initial post... I actually prefer to give my opinion, then not beat someone up over it... But that's apparently not your strategy... Honestly, I don't want to check your posts. Thank you. My strategy is to just figure out what the hell the girl wants from this guy. I'm now getting the impression she doesn't want him at all. Good for her. He sounds like an ass.
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I know he will, at least for a few days. That's not good enough! If he really wants what is best for you, he'll leave you alone. Even if it hurts him and he gets sad - He has to suck it up and stick to NC. Respect you, respect the purpose of NC. Also, remind him he's married and maybe HE should do his best to fix his marriage to make it better. Then, do what you can, rearrange your schedule so you won't see or have to talk to him. Stay strong and remember you're worthy of a single mans love, not a MM's love.
GreenEyedLady Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 My strategy is to just figure out what the hell the girl wants from this guy. Your strategy is not to figure out what this woman wants for herself...Your strategy is to impose what you think is best for yourself, on someone else...
Havn_a_life Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I know he will, at least for a few days. I'll keep all of you posted As for the scheduling, well I am the one who can change it, not him. It's his job--that would be a hard thing to do. I can easily change my work schedule to accomodate me not having to see him each day en route to work. I do not want to do this, but if this is what it will take, then I have to. This is me trying to be strong. Finally, she states what she wants to do! Not being sarcastic, either, btw. This guy sounds very confused indeed. He really sounds like he's telling you all the stuff to get your sympathy about M to soon, etc. If that's so, he just jumped right into another R without thinking, didn't he? He needs to prioritize his life, like you sound like you are trying to do.
Havn_a_life Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Your strategy is not to figure out what this woman wants for herself...Your strategy is to impose what you think is best for yourself, on someone else... Whatever, dear....whatever you say. I've made my thoughts known to her. It is a thread about her, right? May i continue with posting to her? Thanks a bunch! p/s: whatever I say to her, she's a grown woman. it's not like I can make her do what i want her to.
GreenEyedLady Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 May i continue with posting to her? Thanks a bunch! You, are asking my permission? How very flattering...
whichwayisup Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I think what she wants is, to be able to give the type of advice she wants to give, without having it questioned...Like most of us do. I'm just sayin'...
Havn_a_life Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 You, are asking my permission? How very flattering... Well, I wanted to be courteous. I can be you know.
Havn_a_life Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I think what she wants is, to be able to give the type of advice she wants to give, without having it questioned...Like most of us do. I'm just sayin'... We can all give our thoughts and advice to her, but ultimately she has to do what she thinks is best. Each one of us thinks we have the answers, afterall, don't we? That's why we're here.
Author Gwyneth Posted October 23, 2007 Author Posted October 23, 2007 I want someone, but not a married man who is a liar as well. He lies, and that worries me. He's a bad liar as well. The lie he feeds his wife is so dumb. I know she doesn't believe him. We have friends in common so I know most of what he says is the truth, unless he lies to his friends as well. Staying strong...
Mino Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Good Luck, interesting thread, it amazes me how many BS are on here hammeri.ng away. MM will many times put BS down. That is what they do. She has a connection with him, he is pursuing her. She hanging on the hook. I work with my mm, Very very hard to do NC. Never is successful. I understand her dilimea. She is lucky that it has not gone farther then it has, she still can save herself from further heartache. But I know it isnt easy. If it were a PA and EA, I think almost impossible to end, unless one gets a job somewhere else. Good luck!!! save yourself while you still can
child_of_isis Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 What's at stake? No children, no custody battles, no child support. She works, so there will be no alimony. The worst I see happening is if there is a marital home, one will have to buy out the other...or sell and divide. Actually, this would probably be a fairly clean divorce. No, the child is not his. I saw a picture of the child and clearly the child is not his. He's too old to be his and hers anyway. <snip> And as I have stated before, It's not all that easy to just pick up and leave your wife. Maybe for some it is, but there's a lot at stake here. .
Recommended Posts