heartbroken31 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 My husband and I have been married for nearly 13 years. Since I was 18 and he 22. We have 2 children. I have always felt that he and I are meant to be and he feels the same. We have had our ups and downs over the years but nothing like this. He is in the navy and travels a bit. Recently he was away for 3 weeks and it was fine, we have adjusted too being without him when he is away. Their was a group of them that went away to a town with a small population. When he got home he mentioned that he was drunk one night and got a lift to another pub with a girl that works at the club he was at, via her house so she could get some money...I thought that's what ATM'S are for... Anyway he said he stayed in the car and then they went on to this other pub... I was not happy at all about this, warning bells were ringing. I asked him if he had her number and he flatly denied it. I was not coping with this because my gut feeling was telling me different. It was driving me nuts and we started argueing a lot. So I went and seen a social worker (i'm one as well) and had a good session and felt so much better. He already said to me that my gut feeling was wrong, which was hard because I always go by my gut feeling. The next night we were in bed after making love and he sent a text to a guy he met at this small town he had been at, something about footy (I checked it). But I still had that feeling that he was keeping something for me so the next day I wrote this guy's number down and rang it and a female answered and I was livid but also trying to be positive and think it could be this guys wife.. I confronted my hubby that night and he was pissed that I went through his phone and yes it was the girls number that he said he didnt have put under a guys name so I wouldn't find it! He must think I'm an idiot... He said that they were just friends and he hid her number so I wouldn't get upset. I was so close to leaving, my heart shattered. The next Saturday night she phoned him and he sat there next to me talking to her for 20 minutes, I could feel my heart breaking and just wanted to grab the kids and walk out. He said she was drunk and just wanted to chat! I asked him if he planned on keeping in touch with her and he said I dont know? I told him to delete the number and that it wasn't in our best interests for that friendship to continue. So anyway, all this could be innocent, it may not and I cant deal with not knowing if something happened. Not just that he lied, again and again and the betrayal I feel is sometimes overwhelming. He just wants to put it behind us but I am having difficulty doing that. I love him with all my heart but my trust has been broken and I dont know if I will ever trust him again. My head is telling me to leave because it has really gotten me down and I keep thinking even though I love him he lied to me about her and will I ever get past that? Wow that was good to get out. Help, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place!!!
whichwayisup Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 He is getting something out of this friendship with her, which is why he's hiding it from you, giving you the bullshi.t line "if you knew she was my friend, you'd be upset..." yeah, well he is acting INAPPROPRIATE for a married man. He knows better, which is why he's sneaking around. Married people who have opposite sex friends aren't supposed to lie and hide the friendships!! They are open about it and include their spouses! He knows this too...Again, sadly, he is getting something from her -Whether it be an ego feed, or an emotional affair - He's doing it. And, it's wrong! She is meeting a need of his, a selfish one. And, he's caught up in the feeling and the fantasy of doing what he wants, ofcourse forgetting the fact he is married to you and has children at home. Hmm, sounds like the OW is his escape from the real world? Well, life doesn't work that way. Time for him to come clean and own up to his mistakes, get rid of this OW and work on the marriage. He needs to go to counselling with you and together you two need to fix what is broken in the marriage. And, spend more time together...Him travelling and being away so much is part of the problem. Hang in there, keep posting and I hope that he regrets what he's done. IF he acts like an idiot or feels like he isn't in the wrong, get him out of your house for a while. He'll need to actually FEEL the consquences of his stupid actions.
Mr. Lucky Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 I would be very, very careful. Under these circumstances, people lie to protect something important to them. He didn't come home and say "A funny thing happened to me coming home from the pub..." because he knew his actions wouldn't pass the stink test. Don't let him sweep this under the rug or you're going to be wondering every time you're separated. Hope it works out... Mr. Lucky
Author heartbroken31 Posted October 21, 2007 Author Posted October 21, 2007 Thanks guys, Your comments are appreciated, I was starting to think that I overreacted! Dont you worry he is learning about consequences! He knows that he has to work hard at regaining my trust. He is no longer in contact with her and if she rings him again he is going to ask her not to ring him anymore. I pay the bills so I will know if he is contacting her. He knows how close he came to losing me and he says it has been a wake up call for him. I hope so because no more chances, I wont put myself through this again. And you are right when he is away it causes problems because it's like he has a life that I'm not part of. Even though he says nothing happened, I still feel betrayed because of the lies and secrecy. I'll keep you posted
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