redblack66 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 My wife loves me, but really wants out of the marriage. We are in the same house. I am wondering if I should stop talking myself about saving the marriage. It does not work. Any experience by doing the opposite: just ignore the issues for a while, be happy with the kids, minimize contact with her, etc. That is, just show that her decision is OK, and I am living my life. Truth is I am desperate in my desire to make things work, and she can tell this. Please help!!!
newoldguy Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I WAS in the same position as you a couple months back. I tried being cool but kind and it only seemed to prolong the pain. I'm starting to realize if your spouse's mind is made up that they don't want to work on the marriage, there isn't much anyone can do. I wish you the best though. No one knows your situation better than you, so try whatever you think might work. In the meantime, start taking care of yourself if for no other reason than it will make you a better person. Good luck!
Ladyjane14 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I saw your other thread....http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t133240/.... but I've been hesitant to post because I don't want to tell you wrong. In theory, you've got a pretty good set-up. You have daily access to your WW (wayward wife) where you can impress her with your changes. And the fact of the matter is that physical separation increases the likelihood that your separation will become permanent, according to Dr. Willard Harley of Marriagebuilders. If you type into your browser "what are plan a and plan b, marriagebuilders", you'll see what I mean. So... you're in a great position to "Plan A". And really, it's probably the best thing for you to do. All that said, when I 'walk a mile' for you... her attitude really burns my bacon. If it were me, I have to admit, I'd probably tell her not to let the door hit her in the ass on the way out. And that would more than likely be a mistake, but I'm hard-headed enough to make it. Check out Mike1966's thread.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t125202/ He was also dealing with a wife who, for the most part, was very insistent on divorce. I think Mike had the RIGHT STUFF. He took his time, put his best foot forward, and even though things didn't turn out the way he had initially hoped... he seems fairly content with the outcome today.
Author redblack66 Posted October 20, 2007 Author Posted October 20, 2007 I WAS in the same position as you a couple months back. I tried being cool but kind and it only seemed to prolong the pain. I'm starting to realize if your spouse's mind is made up that they don't want to work on the marriage, there isn't much anyone can do. Well, she decided to go to marriage counseling. We had a session together, she had a session alone, I will have a session alone, and then both together. I feel she is more concerned with how to deal with separation, but still, this is a positive sign.
Author redblack66 Posted October 21, 2007 Author Posted October 21, 2007 I saw your other thread....http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t133240/.... You have daily access to your WW (wayward wife) where you can impress her with your changes. Actually, she says that I am even better than when she met me. Problem is she does not believe that my behavior will be permanent, and believes that I do have a hidden agenda. Well, I there is no hidden agenda, and my attitude and behavior will not go "backwards".
Tony T Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 My wife loves me, but really wants out of the marriage. We are in the same house. I am wondering if I should stop talking myself about saving the marriage. It does not work. Any experience by doing the opposite: just ignore the issues for a while, be happy with the kids, minimize contact with her, etc. That is, just show that her decision is OK, and I am living my life. Truth is I am desperate in my desire to make things work, and she can tell this. Please help!!! Games won't work at this point. And you now realize what many people don't and that is that love doesn't have a whole lot to do with it. It's like that she's got another direction in mind to go. Just let her out of the marriage as quickly as possible so you can move on. Yeah, don't talk to her about it. When a person has their mind made up, that's pretty well it. Any future tries will be half hearted and mostly out of guilt. She may very well come back to you...but somehow she has some other directions she wants to go in for a while. As painful as it is, make it easy for her to move on and you won't regret it. Stay off the subject of reconciliation...since that obviously doesn't work...and talk about a quick split.
bestadvisor Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Actually, she says that I am even better than when she met me. Problem is she does not believe that my behavior will be permanent, and believes that I do have a hidden agenda. Well, I there is no hidden agenda, and my attitude and behavior will not go "backwards". Little did you know back then that she already had sex with another man. She made her choice not only to give herself away, but she also gave her heart away too. The truth is if you REALLY REALLY want this marriage to work and can totally forgive her, there is a chance that this marriage might work because of the fact that this other man is not arround. There is a usual common ending to stories like yours, but since you're still deciding what to do, I'll keep my comment for now.
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