deadmansfloat Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 hi everyone. i'm kinda new to the board although i've spent the last month reading every single post! i know you guys will kill me for asking, but... my ex gf dated for 1.5 yrs - one year of this was LD. she was planning to move across the country to be with me: but our 3rd argument caused her to decide to not make the move. so we broke up... within 2 weeks of our break-up, she was dating a new bloke. so in a two week period she went from preparing herself to move across the country to dating a new guy she worked with. after a few weeks of dating him he was sleeping at her father's house (she moved out of her apt. temporarily) and went on a trip with her to visit her mother...when she went out of the country for 3 weeks she called him and contacted him regularly.. the thing is - while we maintained low contact - SHE NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT HIM! she was essentially dating him for two months and never told me. we'd been having light, friendly convesations and she said things like "i think we mightve broke up too fast", "we'll see what happens when i return from my trip", "i love you"...blah. all the while she was with another guy does it sound like she jumped REALLY fast into this relationship? introducing him the family and all? i know everyone will say move on..and i have no choice but to anyway. in fact i told her that i need to cut loose our friendship - permanently. its been a week and a half. but does this sound reboundish considering how fast she brought him into the family? why would an ex not tell you about a new partner, and insist on maintianing contact - she even said she wanted to visit me sometime: an offer that i declined.
hopeforlove243 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 She worked with her new bf, so, it is not like she doesn't know him before they started dating, besides, maybe there was already something going on before you two broke up. It doesn't matter if it is rebound or not, it is OVER between you two(at least for now), cut all the contact and move on.
ninjaturtles Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 It seems you 2 broke up because of this guy...NOT because of the arguments...can you not see that? The argument was just a tool to use, an excuse...maybe she fancied him during your breakup, and it only became full blown after you split,etc Dont bother asking whether its a rebound or not...the truth is that some rebound relationships so work...just try to get through the days, and stay focused on moving on. you actually will....with time. Yes it hurts etc, and like you said you read loveshack....get encouragement from the stories. Another thing is convenience, this guy is closer to her(location wise), so i am sure it was quite easy for her to get hit on. Eitherway, just be focused on movng on..we all are..hugsxx
oppath Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I agree with the others. THe attitude you need to take is "I wouldn't want to take her back, and it's not fair for her to dangle false hope in front of me, so I am going to drop her from my life." It's not your fault the breakup happened. As for her not telling you...she wants you to stoke her ego by still wanting her, and yes, I'm sure she still cares for you, and she didn't want to hurt your feelings. This is why you need to go no contact with her. Don't pine for someone who lacks conviction and who lies to you. It is over.
Author deadmansfloat Posted October 20, 2007 Author Posted October 20, 2007 thank you guys - while i definitely am trying my darndest to move on, the argument wasnt used as a cover to break up. it stemmed from me neglecting her in multiple ways... the best part about the break up is ive learned somuch in terms of becoming a better lover and person: but i essentially forced her break up through nelgect. some of her luggage was literally packed when we broke up. so i's sure there wasnt a plot to break up and get with the new guy; as it often happens. a mutual friend watched her unpack her stuff after the split. so i know i need to move on and disappear. but i'm only human and oftentimes i slip into wondering whether her new guy is a rebound. i just wish i could apply what ive learned with her, but it looks like i wont be getting that chance.
BlueEyedSarah Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 She has been with you for 1.5 years, you break up and then in 2 weeks she has found anohter guy?! WTF?!
Author deadmansfloat Posted October 20, 2007 Author Posted October 20, 2007 yeah i know im being ridiculous. i know what must be done - NC. rest assured am i'm doing it. i know the change in her life plans were radically flipped upside down wihtin the blink of an eye. so i can't help but feel that she is stuffing the disappointment and anger into this new relationship. as ninjaturtles says, her new guy might work out for the long run. it's been 2.5 months with them it sucks how people are so reluctant to try and work things out. we have the 'consumer society' mentality towards dating: if there is a problem with the relationship, throw it out and get another.
BlueEyedSarah Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I think she is the one being rediculous for going with another guy after 2 weeks of breaking up with you. Its good you are doing NC, keep that up no matter how hard it is. Keep us updated
Author deadmansfloat Posted October 21, 2007 Author Posted October 21, 2007 thanks for the replies. i know what must be done. and sarahm thank you, i'll keep you posted although i just started NC a week and a half ago. so there probably wont be much to say anytime soon.
alwayshurt Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 you never know. She sounds like an insecure girl. She may swing back to you if you keep NC. If she does that it's up to you to play smart. Hang in there.
Author deadmansfloat Posted October 21, 2007 Author Posted October 21, 2007 thanks alwayshurt - one of the most frustrating things about a breakup is that in accepting shes gone, i have to convince myself that under NO circumstance will she come back. she is super insecure. she is 23, and hasnt been single for more than a month or two since she was 17. the new guy is 20 and lives with his band in a studio apt...although i shouldnt care about him or their relationship i cant help but think theyll fizzle out... but youre right. NC for sure.and if she doenst contact me i guess we've talked for the very last time already. why do relationships have to suck so much!?
Recommended Posts