Bizarre reconciliation?

[Dear Lady Disdain]

Hi everyone...

 

Okay so I've been going on and on about this guy because things weren't resolved with him. We'd been NC for five months, initiated more by me than him. Then I went to college and he was there too and we spoke a bit but last week I avoided him. He was at the entrance when I left but he was dressed up and stuff and I assumed he was meeting someone. This week I decided to resolve matters. The week before I ignored him too but he followed me up the road in his car which was a bit weird.

 

He is immensely proud and controlled and so am I. We admitted once we both find it hard to trust.

 

So the next week some spooky stuff goes on. It's hometime and I think, I've gotta talk to him now because half term is coming up - we finish college at the same time. It's pouring with rain and I hang around by the entrance so I can make out I'm waiting for a lift when I see him. Time passes and he doesn't appear. But then I see a car drive by outside and park near the gates. I go out and lo and behold it is him. So I walk up to the car and I rap on the window and he smiles and opens it and I say "can I speak to you a moment?". He says come in and I sit down and I say "I just don't want it to look as if I hate you or something..." because I was avoiding him a bit at college. He replies "I know you're not that kind of person". Then I say "are you meeting someone or..." and he says "no I'm not. Sorry, last week I was in a rush because I was meeting that guy who lent me the boat that time" (the boat he suggested we went out on when we met)

He then offers to drive me home. He says he has visited this buddhist centre which is weird because I used to go there some years ago as well. I ask him how he's been and he says he's been really busy and stuff and then I say to him "oh I saw on the internet that there was a fetish night on in...." (can't say the name)" to kinda test him. He's into all that and it is his local wine bar and he knows all the people. He says "sorry" as if he misheard and I'm like "oh, I heard there was a dress-up night on in..." and he says "oh I haven't been there since the last time we went". Then I ask about his summer and stuff and he says he was busy for most of it working with kids in a summer school. I ask him how his sore neck is and he smiles and looks pleased that I remembered. I ask him if he likes my hair and he says "yeah...you've had quite a bit cut off". He's just in this strange really silent controlled mood. In front of everyone else he is all jokes and smiles.

We arrive back and I say to him "thank you for the lift" and kiss him on the cheek. Then I turn around without looking at him, just in case he doesn't want to do it back. He then says he'll speak to me soon.

 

I get out of the car and then I blabber something stupid, wishing him a good half term, even though half term isn't for six days or something. I smile and say bye and go in. I barely looked at him in the car I don't think, I felt so nervous. The drive was short but sweet though the atmosphere seemed quite emotionally charged and strange. Not much laughing or joking but a strange warmth. He never wanted to just be a friend and maybe he's trying to avoid the friendzone.

 

Just can't make him out but at least I have resolved things in a way. What now though? I don't think I'll do anything else. I know that before I pushed him away and didn't trust him ( when I met him I didn't trust any men and I am ashamed to say that I once slapped his face when we were fooling around - not that hard though) so I decided I would be more loving and giving when I saw him this time. However he too was cruel on occasion, emotionally, so I am going to see if he has changed his ways before I become too involved again. Guess he performed a small act of chivalry though.

 

Even if nothing happens after this at least I have resolved things and I already feel a weight off my mind. I feel better not worse for breaking NC. Also I feel as if I can move on more now. If nothing happens now I'm done with this!

 

Does anyone have any views on this strange meeting? Bearing in mind that he's a quirky character and so am I and we never do things by the book? I know I may sound like a muggins to some of you for doing this but I guess I can just understand the way he feels because I've been hurt the same way he has...

 

Sorry this is so detailed! Thank you for reading Love DLD x