loverboy69 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I have a question/situation for discussion: Have any of you singles ever purposely prevented a dating relationship from forming no matter how attracted or in love you may have been with him/her? If so, what were the reasons? Was it because of work, religious faith, educational background etc? I've met a guy who've I have grown so fond of without even knowing him well. We're both gay. Because I work with him and because of the potential ramifications to both of our careers, I've purposely have kept a safe distance away from him. The attraction between us is so strong and mutual its obvious. We're both shy, but there are just some things you can't deny. I'm relatively new in my new career and I don't want to do anything to harm my chances of moving up the ranks. My problem is that my heart aches so much inside in a way I've never felt before. I can see the frustration in his eyes too when he holds my gaze. It's almost feels like I'm denying myself food/sustenance in a symbolic way. Love is after all a necessary emotion we all deserve to experience. Thanks for reading.
Lyssa Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Oh well, the reason was his mother but it's all over and done with now. Looking back, it was for the better. I have found myself a better man now. This man I am with now is of different religion - I'm not sure how that is going to end with us but I am not going to let that stop us from being together. So are you not going to do anything about it? I'm sure hanging out after work for drinks would be okay, right?
Trialbyfire Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 because of the potential ramifications to both of our careers, If you don't want drama at work, steer clear of someone in your workplace unless they're at an arms-length, such as another division. Also, if either one of you is in a direct line of reporting to the other, run, run, run. What you have is currently a fantasy based on attraction. Would you honestly consider damaging your career for something that hasn't even reached the bleachers, nvm first base?
fray718 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I've had this situation before (read my post titled 'this is so depressing') n right now I just REGRET it so much! I'm so mad at myself that I let this one get away. I know what you mean. My heart is aching as of now.
Author loverboy69 Posted October 20, 2007 Author Posted October 20, 2007 Good reads and advice from everyone so far. Hang in there Fray, it's nice to know I'm not alone. Yeah, it does suck. If I met him at a bar or other place, I wouldn't be so inhibited. I've tried to distract myself by dating people outside of work. So far, nothing has come out of it.
with_out_a_safteynet Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 If you don't want drama at work, steer clear of someone in your workplace unless they're at an arms-length, such as another division. Also, if either one of you is in a direct line of reporting to the other, run, run, run. What you have is currently a fantasy based on attraction. Would you honestly consider damaging your career for something that hasn't even reached the bleachers, nvm first base? I definitely agree, from experience don't do it!!!
Ocean-Blue Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Yes. I kept away b/c I knew NOTHING would come of it. We had no future. So I stayed away.
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 I totally agree with Lyssa, ask him out for a drink. I have dated coworkers, no big deal! We have people at work who MET at work, and are NOW MARRIED and still working in the same building! As long as you are appropriate at work, then what you do outside of the work environment is no one's business! Asking a coworker out for coffee or a drink after work is NOT inappropriate anyway! It's no different than when me and two other coworkers went to Eugene to shop together on a Saturday! So many people who end up together met at work and that makes sense because of similar educational, intellectual, and work ethic backgrounds! I say there are no boundaries when it comes to love, and the fact that you happen to be coworkers is not a boundary, considering that at 5:00 (or whenever you are off work), your personal life is your business!
huh Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Once, but that was because I found out he was married & I didn't want to be involved in a situation like that. I'm glad I did because it was the right thing for me to do. Since your both single, it can't hurt to go for coffee or lunch and see what it's like to socialize outside of the office and if the connection translates there. Though it sounds like you both work closely together. Does your company have a policy on employees dating?
Author loverboy69 Posted October 21, 2007 Author Posted October 21, 2007 Since your both single, it can't hurt to go for coffee or lunch and see what it's like to socialize outside of the office and if the connection translates there. Though it sounds like you both work closely together. Does your company have a policy on employees dating? A very strict policy. I'm a little bit inhibitive of trying because of a workplace incident that went terribly wrong a few years back. I'm in a tough spot. I hope it blows over soon.
halfarock Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 There was this girl. When I first saw her I was blown away. She was pretty and had such a friendly personality that I just knew that if we were to meet that we would get along wonderfully. But, at the time I was juggling a few other women, my life was just too complicated to draw another woman into it. Still I kept seeing her around, but I was careful to keep my distance. I would watch her as she talked to other people, as she rode her bike, as she danced… The more I saw her and watched her, the more I became convinced that she was a really wonderful person. But I continued to avoid meeting her for several months. Then one day I was at this party that was literally wall to wall people. As I was making my way through the crowd, bam, I ran dab nab smack into her, I didn’t even know she was at the party. She started to turn away but suddenly turned back towards me and it was like one of those moments in the movies where everything else just fades away. Turned out that she was as wonderful as I imagined that she’d be. Suddenly my life became very uncomplicated as I dated only her for a very long time.
Saxis Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Yep... my best friend's sister. That's probably about all you need to know. Didn't really know how he or his family would react to us dating. We went to dances and things together, and a lot of people pushed to get us hooked up. I was just too darn scared of losing a bunch of good friends if it didn't work out. We went our separate ways and I ended up married to someone else for a few years, and I just recently had the chance to talk to her again. It was incredible... She's just so easy for me to talk to, but now she's in an LTR, so it's still ongoing....
ItIs Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 What difference does it make what any of us have done or not done, anyway? You have to trust your own instincts, based on your own situation on this one.
amaysngrace Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Jobs are common but taking a chance on true love or even finding someone you like enough to think about loving is rare. I'd roll the dice on love.
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