lexi29 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I think I already know the answer to this one but want some opinions. My ex of 3 yrs left me two weeks ago. He is with someone new. He doesn't value her because he cheated on her and I don't like her very much because I once thought of her as a friend. Beside the point though. I've never had casual sex, only sex during relationships and only with 4 guys and I'm almost 30 so thats basically nothing. I haven't had sex for two whole weeks (was used to pretty much every other day with my ex) and while I don't want my ex back as in I don't want him to be my bf again because we have NO future together. I could not trust him after what he did to his new gf (cheated). It was a side I never saw but guarantee that he would probably do the same to me if we got back together. So not interested in rekindling things long term. However I desperately miss the affection (hugs kissing, cuddling) from him and the sex. My ex while not the best in bed was very fun and he would do whatever to please me. He liked a lot of variety and we just had a great time. I was very attracted to him and just the sight of him or touching his bare skin would turn me on. It was like we had this intense connnection. Now it wasn't like that at first but the last 2 years it was incredible. I'm not one for one night stands and it seems like a waste of time to get to know some guy (as in become friends with him) and then start having sex with him because I don't think I"m ready for another relationship right now. FWB is tricky with someone you never met as well. And while I have 2 close guy friends I don't want to ruin either friendship by getting sex involved. So what are the odds that I could deal with just meeting up with my ex once a week or so to sleep with him? I know he would be cheating on his girlfriend but I really don't care about her she's not my responsibility and I owe her no loyalty. I don't really want to be the other woman but I really miss the physical side of what we had. Is this crazy??
oppath Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Yes, it is crazy. You are lying to yourself. What would you say to a friend in this situation? You aren't capable of emotionally separating sex from this man. Read your posts. You aren't capable of it. It would not be casual. Buy a toy. And buy a bunch of batteries. What you are missing is the INTIMACY. That is what you are missing. Intimacy is often expressed via sex and physical affection. But what you need is not sex. That's not what you are missing. It's the intimacy. Sex with him will not be intimate. It will not meet that desire.
sedgwick Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Bad, bad karma. I know you don't feel that you owe his current gf anything, but nobody deserves to go through being cheated on. Continuing to sleep with him could only lead to drama. Don't do it.
Trialbyfire Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Wow lexi, give your head a good shake. If you're happy being used and being party to cheating, you need serious help. Do you feel you deserve so little that a tumble will do? Don't you think you owe yourself a little pride and self-respect?
brothermartin Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Oppath is right Lexi. Dont do it. If you cant have sex with a guy that you dont have a history with, how are you going to just have sex with someone you still have deep feelings for? Stop kidding yourself.
alwayshurt Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Very selfish thought. I cannot believe your words. Get a life and move one. What's matter with you, girl?
niceguy27 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 sorry to be so blunt but ever heard of sloppy seconds? thats what you will be to him. a lot of guys that are hurting on here would probably be lucky to have someone as devoted as you as a gf. your better than this so dont stoop that low just for sex.
Tormented Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Very bad idea for several reasons... "I don't want my ex back as in I don't want him to be my bf again because we have NO future together." As long as you still harbor strong feelings for him, and you know you do - despite the fact that you can't trust him, there is absolutely NO way you can continue having sex with this man minus emotional attachment. It's impossible and you're setting yourself up for a major heartbreak, more so than the one you suffer now. By allowing what you once had with your ex to degenerate into a FWB status will only serve to poison the good memories of your "yesterdays" with him...at a time when you were made to feel special and loved. Wouldn't you rather walk away with those memories intact rather than having them tainted by a cheap imitation of what you once had? Like I said...you stand to lose much more than you already have if you take this route. However I desperately miss the affection (hugs kissing, cuddling) from him and the sex. Are you sure it isn't the bond and companionship you're missing? Because if it's only the sex (and affection) you're longing for, then I question how genuine the love between you was. Sex is sex. It can be gotten from anybody at any time. Nothing special about it, really. BUT - a bond tied by love is entirely different and can NOT be gained easily. It takes time, patience, and a trust to develop that bond with another. The thing I missed the most about my ex was the friendship we once shared...the connection we once had. We laughed, we cried, we played, we fought...hell, we knew what the other was thinking before it was said. Of course I missed our "intimate" moments, but to this day - that's not what stands out in my mind when I think about my ex. No - it's his laughter, his smile, his scent, his voice...even his goofiness that I mourn. Again I ask...are you sure it's not HIM that you're missing rather than the sex you had with him? Because if it's HIM you're missing, I can assure you that having sex with him once a week (or more) will NOT bring him back. Rather, it will only rob the respect he once held for you because you have agreed to accept whatever crumbs he tosses your way. And really, is that what you want? No...I didn't think so. My advice is to walk away with your dignity, pride, and good memories intact. By doing so, not only will you feel good about yourself, but so will he. It's always best to make a clean break. That means NO contact whatsoever while you're healing. If you remain in contact with him (especially so if sex is involved), you will never free your heart to love another. As you pointed out, there is no future with this man. So why waste time with him when you could be spending it finding a man who you CAN have a future with? I know it hurts...we all do. But it's best to hurt for a while than wasting an entire life in misery. Chin up, girl! ~T~
FooledOnce Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I, for one, think that casual sex is possible with an ex. However, when you say that you miss cuddling and kissing, it makes me think that this would end up being a painful experience for you.
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