Lizzie60 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 And your right we'll never agree. but one things for certain when he does cheat on you, dont come crying on the board like a lot of ex-jump offs. Don't worry.. I won't ... as I am not committed to any of them... this is very clear from the start.. and if they fall in love... it's their problem not mine.
reboot Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Lizzie, surely you will admit that you're the exception and far from the rule?
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Don't worry.. I won't ... as I am not committed to any of them... this is very clear from the start.. and if they fall in love... it's their problem not mine. I'm actually okay with how you come across lizzie but here's where I differ. If you want a man and just want sex form a man and whatnot, and your single right? Then why cant you just get a single man? Why must it be a man who's married? Why place yourself in a precarious and dangerous situation that might not work out for anyone or place yourself for a deranged wife to kill you! (I've seen it happen on my block! I agreed with the wife!) Why not just tell a sinlge dude that your only interested in sex and whatnot or is it a power thing?
Lizzie60 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Lizzie, surely you will admit that you're the exception and far from the rule? To be honest, Reboot, I don't think I'm the exception to the rule... I will admit though that I have only one affair with one MM.. the others are just generous f*ck friends... not him. This guy works with me.. he has absolutely no idea I see other men... he would freaked... he is a little 'jealous'... I know he's head over heels in love with me. I'm not... and he knows that. He also has no idea of my massage business... I smile when people thinks that only OW who hurt and want to be marry their MM are entitled to be the OW... strange... I see myself as the OW to this MM... I don't know what else I am to him...
sarme Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 That's a load of crap!!!!! A flawed individual sets the pace for the marriage!!!! The marriage could be good but it's alays one person's problems or past baggage that ruins it!!!! A bad union only happens if you let it. A person doesnt make you unhappy, stop trying to justify it!!!! Happiness comes from within!!! first and foremost if you are happy in yourself then your marriage could be happy. You already go into your relationship with an asterisk next to it! When people ask you how you met your boyfriend, do you tell them the honest truth or do you lie by omission and tell them oh he was seperated, his wife was doing her job, blah,blah. Or do you tell them the truth, that your his mistress and he left his wife to be with you!!!! Do you honestly think that if they heard that they would accept that??? Do you honestly think that your married man wont cheat on you if you fall asleep at the wheel? Do you stay in constant fear of that day when it does happen? Do you think it will happen? I mean damn he cheated on his wife , the one he made vows to, promised to love and hold forever!!!! What makes you think that if you ever marry he wont do it to you? First of all I am not justifying anything, I am just stating facts. Here were two individuals that were unhappy together. They probably should not have even been married and they settled for each other not taking the concept of marriage seriously on either end. they both had flaws in that respect.Then time progresses but the relationship doesn't and so one of them meets someone who seems better suited. And here we are today. He cheated on her because he didn't love her he never did, he was not happy with her and they had little in common in comparisson to other couples not he simply did not love her the way one was meant to love another human being. And of course I have no security he won't cheat on me as he has no security I won't cheat on him, but I know I never will and he feels the same way. no one has any security that their partner won't cheat on them. He hasn't cheated on me, he cheated on her. The day he cheats on me I will know what to do.I enjoy today and what I feel today, if our relationship is meant to be we will find a way to do things right. If it is not then time will tell.I look at life in that way, things happen for a reason. If somewhere down the road the powers above decide that destiny for me, so be it. But we have been in therapy together for quite some time because we want to do everything right for this relationship and I have faith that we can do it right. Not only because we are being proactive but because we love each other deeply, our attraction is both mental and physical and very strong it grows as time passes and we just want to make each other happy. Something he did not have with his ex ever. Life is a gamble. There are people on here that were matched perfectly and their spouses still cheated on them. they were doing eveything right and their spouses still cheated. If my partner cheats on me then that will be the day I terminate that relationship. It's pretty simple to me really. Nothing in this life can kill you except for death itself. Until I am faced with death I will overcome whatever comes my way. Call me practical but I have faith in myself. That's the bottom line.A lot of BSs sit here for years on end in misery with a wayward spouse wondering how they can stop the pain, the bottom line is they can't because they don't have faith in themselves. All that pain stems from that very simple point. When you have been through a lot in life you learn to become strong and to take life by the horns. Something a lot of people who lived cushy lives of being spoiled will never understand and this is why they are paralised by fear. I still feel fear I just don't let it paralise me. So don't fear for me because I am very happy either way.
Lizzie60 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I'm actually okay with how you come across lizzie but here's where I differ. If you want a man and just want sex form a man and whatnot, and your single right? Then why cant you just get a single man? I have many single friends... Why must it be a man who's married? Because it happens like that. They're out there looking for me... and I happen to be available.. Why place yourself in a precarious and dangerous situation that might not work out for anyone or place yourself for a deranged wife to kill you! (I've seen it happen on my block! I agreed with the wife!) We can't live like that... I can get run over by a car tomorrow... I am not afraid... really. This is the 'exceptions'.. it happens rarely... come on.. Why not just tell a sinlge dude that your only interested in sex and whatnot or is it a power thing? I did.. and lost them.. they don't stay.. when they want more and can't get it.. they leave .. not that it matters... but MMs stay because that's what they want... just an affair, no string sex... plus I would trust a MM more than a single guy who spends a lot of time in bars and whatnot.
Incognitox Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 They HAVE to go for better... either it is physical, intellectual or emotional... they have to upgrade... I truly DO NOT believe that a guy with a beautiful wife, who is great in bed, and extremely smart... would go for a sloppy, ugly twit... I know a few of my MM's wife... I can honestly say that I look better... one of them I've never seen... but my MM swears she is beautiful... I believe him cause he is very good looking himself... but she is not too sexual... and she's only 33... the sex life is boring with her.. so he's looking outside for excitement... So I would think that MOST MMs upgrade... Oh I wouldn't say it's an upgrade - I mean that's just disrespectful. I can only talk for my experiences, having only been an OW for one guy, but I think he was just a little tired of not being single, of being expected to take responsibility for the kids and for not being able to cat around like he used to. I can't imagine his wife being as totally sexually available for him once she'd had three kids! She probably didn't have the time or the energy to get all spruced up for him and he was too shallow to love her for being a better mom than she was lover. I find it difficult to believe that a guy who can only get a 'moose' for a wife could get a 'fox' for an OW. Unless the OW has completely rock bottom self-esteem.
reboot Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I find it difficult to believe that a guy who can only get a 'moose' for a wife could get a 'fox' for an OW.Exactly. Thank you.
sarme Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Oh I wouldn't say it's an upgrade - I mean that's just disrespectful. I find it difficult to believe that a guy who can only get a 'moose' for a wife could get a 'fox' for an OW. Unless the OW has completely rock bottom self-esteem. Ok you have to go to my best friend's prenatal class. I was there the other night with her because her hubby had to work and it was an important class let me tell you there were 15 couples there about 6 of them were prefectly matched totally cute wifes with cute hubbies the typical perfect match, then there were the rest who ranged from "you can see what she sees in him and vice versa" then there about 4 couples that oh my god those women were 100% moose, their husbands were hot. I mean HOT. and the women were moose and it had nothing to do with the pregnancy they were just very unappealing women with men who were three of four grades above them.I'm not sayng those men will end up in affairs but when the couple is so glaringly mismatched you tend to wonder why they are together.
sarme Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 PS walk down the street Incognito, there are lots of moose with above average looking men and vice versa. It is not that unheard of.Marriage for some men is less to do with finding the love of their life and more to do with circumstance, ie all their friends are married, their families are not around and they feel lonely, they start to lose their hair and feel like they cant pull as many hotties anymmore at the bar so they decide to settle down. There have been studies done on what makes a man settled down and the state of their friends single status and their own views of personal looks and acceptance amongst single attractive women are factors that can propell men into making the leap for marriage even thought they feel the women they are with is not 100% their dream partner.
Lizzie60 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I have absolutely nothing to prove to you so I won't. I am quite secure in who and what I am.The idea that some of you are getting your titties in a knot because I made a statement elluding to the fact that a physical attaction is just as important as an intellectual one says a lot more about your own personal insecurities than it does about my capabilities. Let's face it the physical attraction is what brings people together. It is what animal instinct is based on we are programed to gravitate towards things that we find appealing to our senses ie. sight and sound and taste, it comes from our animalistic tendencies. Well it is no different for humans. Why does this notion make some of you ladies so uncomfortable? Why is it shallow to expect to have a holistic approach to romance rather than settling for less? Maybe my words make you uncofortable because you feel you are less than adequate in one of the aspects....? Well work on it, we can be the whole package! ;-) Eventhough it does sound shallow... I would absolutely not be attracted to an atrociously ugly guy... even if he was an angel.. sorry but anyone can call me shallow if they want... physical attraction is just as important as intellectual attractiveness. Why are we shallow when we want a good looking guy and NOT shallow when we say we want someone intelligent... Why not settle for someone who is not smart then... why discriminate on the intellectual aspect? It just doesn't make sense to me... I'm like Sarme... I am the whole package.. you go girl!
sarme Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Eventhough it does sound shallow... I would absolutely not be attracted to an atrociously ugly guy... even if he was an angel.. sorry but anyone can call me shallow if they want... physical attraction is just as important as intellectual attractiveness. Why are we shallow when we want a good looking guy and NOT shallow when we say we want someone intelligent... Why not settle for someone who is not smart then... why discriminate on the intellectual aspect? It just doesn't make sense to me... I'm like Sarme... I am the whole package.. you go girl! EXACTLY the debate on looks and what is shallow is really dependant on who is having the debate. For some people saying they want highly educated intellectually advanced individuals for a mate is not perceived as shallow, yet if we were to messure needs that people have to form a romantic tie that is just as shallow as saying I want someone who is hot. The other thing is some women say I will not be with a man who earns less than myself or a blue collar worker who is less educated than myself, and no that's ok because women justify that with well I need a provider who will match my lifestyle in order to have a good family. NONESENSE. that is just as shallow or not as shallow as wanting someone who looks a certain way physically. Of course everyone has different tastes but each individual knows what they find appealing and some people settle for less than what they like in any of the aspects.People that feel hurt when it comes to the looks thing is usually because they feel they don't measure up and feel insecure about that.
sb129 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I think you are mixing things and jumping to conclusions. Just because I might have a great a$$ doesn't mean I don't have a great intellectual capacity too or even a spiritual one.the problem with a lot of people is that they seprate all the attributes and try to overcompensate with one because they don't have the other. For example a less physically attractive person might try to overcompensate on the intellectual aspect or good nature for their lack of physical attraction. Well attraction in a romantic sense is holistic it happens on all four levels, mental, physical, emotional and spiritual and there is nothing superficial about striving to achieve all four in a healthy relationship. Now some people will settle for getting two or three of those. Well that's their problem for settling, you don't have to but if you do then expect to feel short changed. So if you are the "whole package", how come you had to go after someone elses man? wasn't the package good enough to find an available man on its own? Just wondering.
sarme Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 well obviously you do mind because you are still here trying to argue with me...
sarme Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 So if you are the "whole package", how come you had to go after someone elses man? wasn't the package good enough to find an available man on its own? Just wondering. 'I didn't go after him he went after me. We fell in love. That's the straight up answer.
bunset Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Except for the OW who started seeing her MM when he wasn't even married at the time (he was with a long term gf), and then got married at some point during the affair. How was she taken in? 'I love you, but I'm going to marry another woman and we can carry on an affair until I divorce her?" What a loser guy. I feel sorry for all of them. NJ, I was referring to EVERY woman on the stage. Even the BW's!! Again, not one of the BW's were still married. I know at least 2 of the 3 were dumped, not them making the choice to dump WH. And the OW that stayed through a new M, is still being led around by MM.
Trialbyfire Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Exactly women are a dime a dozen, and ones who will pay attention to a married man are also a dime a dozen, all these BS fool themselves that only certain women will pay attention to married men, not at all. All sorts of women pay attention to married men, most often than not the types of women who end up in affairs with them are not ones that were deperate enough to pay attention to a married man but more than likely she was chosen by the married man. Men choose from all the women out there who they want to engage in an affair with, and he is not going to go through all the hassle of giving up all they have at home for just any woman. Well some men do some men are just desperate for attention and any woman will do, but we all know who the quality men are. Quality men, even though they are cheating are still selective and they won't just get involved with the first woman who crosses their path. they usually pick the type of woman who offers something very different from what they can already get at home.Unless of course it is just about sex a quickie than any woman will do/ But even men who are looking for just sex will not go back to have repeated sex with a woman who doesn't drive him wild to begin with. Just one clarification. Quality men don't cheat, only the self-entitled ones do...
Touche Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Just one clarification. Quality men don't cheat, only the self-entitled ones do... Thank you. "Quality men" divorce FIRST if things are really so bad. Not sure what part of this some women don't get. Yes, one of the BW's WAS indeed still married. Go back and read through earlier posts bunset. Reading some of the other posts here makes me wonder if we all watched the same show.
sarme Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Just one clarification. Quality men don't cheat, only the self-entitled ones do... Sure I can agree with that comment to a certain extent but quality to me is not based on a mistake a human makes but rather on how he/she is able to rectify their short commings to become a better human being. Life is not all black and white.
Trialbyfire Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Thank you. "Quality men" divorce FIRST if things are really so bad. Not sure what part of this some women don't get. "The law of the jungle" mentality was explained to me in another thread, whereby a taken person is considered someone of value or special. A prize worth coveting. Perhaps this is what defines "quality men" to certain women? I honestly don't know.
Touche Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 "The law of the jungle" mentality was explained to me in another thread, whereby a taken person is considered someone of value or special. A prize worth coveting. Perhaps this is what defines "quality men" to certain women? I honestly don't know. I think that's true. Some women get off on thinking they "got" some other woman's man when all they get is a low-down cheater who isn't all that picky in many cases, about who they cheat with. It's sad, really.
IWALH Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 "The law of the jungle" mentality was explained to me in another thread, whereby a taken person is considered someone of value or special. A prize worth coveting. Perhaps this is what defines "quality men" to certain women? I honestly don't know. Aha. This must be why xMM's wife kept making animal references in her email to me (calling me a lioness and her husband my prey... and other such references). I get it now! Though I would like to say I never considered him a "prize" at all. Without going into much detail (as I hate rehashing anything to do with that time of my life), he actively pursued me, I was not into him, we became friends, he confided in me, lied immensely to me, and I fell for him... deeply. It was never about me "winning" him. It was about doing what I had to do to be with the "man of my dreams." And because I truly did love him, I let him go willingly at the end (well, love and I was finally able to see things clearly). It ended very weirdly and unofficially (our last conversation was anything but a 'goodbye forever' conversation... though he never called me again after that), but it is over regardless. Btw, why are there so many people over here on the OW board digging their claws into ow/xow today?
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Case in point, my b/f's exW was exactly what he described, not very attractive, sort of fat and very dry personality.So I guess he was "hogging it" back when he married her? He obviously found her attractive enough back then, so I can only assume he picked someone "unattractive" only because he HIMSELF couldn't do any better. Had he been a prize, maybe the pickin's wouldn't have been so slim for him.
Touche Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 So I guess he was "hogging it" back when he married her? He obviously found her attractive enough back then, so I can only assume he picked someone "unattractive" only because he HIMSELF couldn't do any better. Had he been a prize, maybe the pickin's wouldn't have been so slim for him. Great point!
Trialbyfire Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Aha. This must be why xMM's wife kept making animal references in her email to me (calling me a lioness and her husband my prey... and other such references). I get it now! I don't know. The "Law of the Jungle" was explained to me by OpenBook so you might have to ask her if there's any correlation.
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