milvushina Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I have a friend who just got married about 6 months ago. He met his wife right after he broke up with his long term gf. And moved in with her. The thing was that he never liked her that much. He told me, it's for insurance, it's convenient for us, things like that. I do have a failed marriage, and I thought I had talked him out of getting married, but then they did it without telling any friends. I was surprised. When he told me he also informed that he didn't expect his first marriage to last even as long as my first marriage, as he put it. I know she did not think it was "just for convenience." Now he has just told me she is pregnant. He says he is happy about the baby but still says that on a good day, the two of them are like room mates. And he does not want to stay with her very long. I have told him for months he should really talk to her but he was too scared or feels comfortable living with her or something. Now I don't think he should talk about how he feels while she is pregnant. She already has one child and from what I can tell she is totally in love with my friend. I don't even know what I am asking except he still comes to me for advice and I don't know how to talk to him anymore. I am so mad at him for messing with this woman and her family knowing all along how he feels. But I don't want to gossip about it to our real friends so I am saying it here. I just don't think it is normal to use people like in this way. Should I say something to him next time I see him. Call him out on this because he is just not thinking. He needs a reality check.
michaelk Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 She loves him and is apparently unaware that their marriage is hollow, and a mere convenience for him? Wow. That he knowingly created a situation like this and on top of it is going to bring a child into it is unconscionable. She absolutely needs to know his real feelings and intentions, because she's viewing him as a mate when really he's a jerk who's using her, and will throw her away when it suits him. The sooner she finds out where she stands the better, so she can deal with it and move on. If you're really his friend, you'll tell him what you're thinking. You know what he's doing is wrong and why. Call him out on it and tell him he needs to take a good hard look at himself.
Author milvushina Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 I have really let him know I think his behavior to her has been awful. He seemed to hear and agree. I doubt I was the only one he opened up to. So I was shocked when they married. But when he asked "do you think I am a bad person" I would say I know you're not, but you're acting like one. We've been friends a long time and I always knew he had a good heart but now I'm not sure. I just found I'm pregnant too (literally, we are within a week of each other) I think about my husband making me dinner and giving me massages and her husband doesn't even like her that much but loves her job, cars and house I keep getting madder... at the least I'm going to make him listen to reason and I may tell him I don't want to associate with someone who is acting that way.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Hey, tell him that bad people do bad things... and that he is doing a bad thing. Ask him if he can grow to love this girl? Or what is it about her he cant seem to like?
Kenyth Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 He could be lying. I can't see going this far in a relationship without some loving feelings.
Sarita12385 Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 That was such a sad story. I feel so sad for that poor woman and honestly hope she is blessed with something amazing in the future. Does his "wife" belong to Loveshack? If not, you may want to introduce her to it.
Author milvushina Posted October 24, 2007 Author Posted October 24, 2007 I don't think he is lying because he has constantly said the same things about her since they started dating. He does not like to have sex with her and doesn't think she's attractive. Then he moved in with her, I thought that he was being a jerk because he made it sound like he was just using her. Then, he said she gripes at him about everything and complains all the time. I thought that she would dump him because she had a minor surgery (but a stressful womanly surgery). He stole her medicine and ran away, turned up in jail a few days later. Instead of dumping him she married him right away. I looked into annulment for him, you can't get married if you're not sober, but that didn't apply to him it was like two weeks after he stole her medicine. I have only met her a couple of times, but she comes across as real testy and unfriendly. She was dumb to marry him. But deciding to have a baby was just incredibly dumb of both of them. I doubt we'll even be friends much longer because my husband thinks he's a total dirtbag now and says our baby can't play with his. Anyway I just wanted to share this train wreck of a story and have someone tell me I have the right to totally chew him out over this when he comes to see me.
Kenyth Posted October 25, 2007 Posted October 25, 2007 What the? Stole her medicine and ran away!? Is he an addict? She has a little blame here too then. When someone steals your presciptions and runs away, you let them run as far as they want and change the locks. You don't hunt them down and marry them. That's just stupid.
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