SadBabyGirl Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Hi everyone, I have really gotten myself into a pickle, there is a man I really love, in the past that I was with for about two years, he broke up with me 6months ago and then I moved on though i DIDNT want to... and now suddenly he has been acting like he wants me back, we can take note that he is a very caring, educated, genuine man, he would do anything for me if I asked. And he still does. Like helping me with homework, taking care of me when sick, driving me everywhere etc. However, something bad that I had done happened that I think jeopardized any chance of us getting back together, I feel he has lost all trust in me, he came across some bad chats i wrote about him on my computer in my archives while looking for mp3s.. i wrote them when i was angry when he broke up with me and to top it off he found picture of me with my new date and then told me i was cheating on him (even though he told me he just wanted to be friends..that turned into a huge drama I had to work out and talk it out, and next thing i know after talking it out and our sorries hes all over me being affectionate and sappy. But today I found his profile on a singles website he had recently opened not too long ago I feel like he is trying to move on from me but his actions show that he still cares about me and may want to be with me further down the road, I really do not want to lose him as he is a keeper, but I am not sure of what to do at this point. The only barrier is that I do not speak his language and he wants his future wife to know his language to teach the children and talk to his family. I know I am trying to push the outcome of this, I want to control this situation and I cannot, I feel heartbroken but the more I dwell on negativity the more I feel I have lost him and my mom thinks the foundation is good and we must build on it to bring the trust back again, since his actions still show me that he cares and is interested in hanging out with me, he acts affectionate around me. I don't want this to turn into some friends with benefits thing. I want him to see me in a new light as he has been lately but with more respect and look at me more as someone he needs in his life so he can scratch that singles crap and we can move forward. I know hes still into me, hes attracted, we get along great, we don't fight and we enjoy our time but something is holding him back. Can I get a little help on this? I am trying not to think negative because I know it will only make things worse. I felt I was going to break down this morning over all of this.
Blurple Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 The only thing I can tell you is to first lay your feeling out for him. Explain that you want to build trust with him. Then you have to go NC. Leave him be for a while. What you are saying is he doesn't know what he wants. And for the pictures and the chats sounds like he is insecure. Don't let him control you over OLD THINGS like that. As for the friends with benefits.. just dont have sex with him talk to him meet up with obviously when you are ready... DONT BE HIS DOOR MAT. dont jump at his beckon call. wait for him to reach out for you. He is keeping you around because he doesnt know if he made the right decision..
niceguy27 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 What about joining that singles site and messaging him on there?? Start it off real friendly and flirty like you dont know each other... It all depends how and why you broke up in the first place and if enough time has gone by so that you are able to see it in a different light
Spinderella Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I agree with Blurple. Tell him what you want, then do NC.
Blurple Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I just wanted to add that when men act controlling and jealous like that its a front. its just an avenue for him to get bad about something so stupid. and when he is mad at you he knows he can control you.
Author SadBabyGirl Posted October 21, 2007 Author Posted October 21, 2007 So like we are still sleeping together but like we do things as friends we go out places, watch movies together etc. and today I stumbled onto his comp and found he is still logging into the 'singles' site. To make matters worse I forgot to mention he is foreign, not to sound mean but I believe he is looking for a more 'traditional' girl or wife, and not me because I am american I do not feel he is using me until he meets someone better or for marriage because of all he does for me but at times I feel like I am only 2nd best... that is what hurts the most.
Blurple Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 STOP LETTING HIM USE YOU FOR SEX... STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM... STOP TALKING TO HIM.. dont talk to him unless he is willing to reconcile with you "If you love it set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be."
Spinderella Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 It sounds like its convenient for him. Sorry to say, but unless you state your desires as though you are a strong woman, and act accordingly, you will get used like this. Do you really want a guy that treats women as conveniences like this anyway? As Blurple says, STOP having sex with him.
yippkiyay Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 I hatre to be blunt but you are very convenient right now. He knows he can have sex if he hangs out with you. Put the chastity belt on for a few weeks and see how he reacts. date other guys...definatly date other guys and don't go on his singlke site and contact him that way thats wierd! I don't know why somebody suggested that.
Author SadBabyGirl Posted October 21, 2007 Author Posted October 21, 2007 What really confuses me are all the sacrifises he's made. He's spent thousands of dollars on flying, and hotels and rental cars just to visit me and my family, took care of me for two years financially carrying my burdens, came home from work and cooked for me after working 12 hours at the hospital (hes a physician), took care of me when I was sick, helped me with all of my homework and ultimately when we broke up, he stated the reason for it was that I was becomming a burden on him and he was doing everything for me and he just wanted me to see me happy and I was not doing anything for myself. So ultimately a friend of his, a man he grew up with since childhood became his roommate so I had to move out. Once I got my own place, became serious in my studies and started acting more level headed he seemed more interested in me so I perked up inside and thought oh hey.. maybe we have a 2nd chance. Then we started cuddling like old times and ultimately sleeping together. Once I found out about him logging into the singles site it threw me for a toss because I remember a conversation he had with me once telling me he'd never marry me during a fight we had... it struck me that he is trying to find a wife from the old country to either bring here, or meet her here and maybe he is just using me in the meantime until 'she comes along' and thats why I am hurt and annoyed. Its like he did everything for me when I lived there... and still does without me even asking. In fact, yesterday I did NC and he actually showed up at my door all worried about me since I didn't answer my cell or went online. I don't know what to do at this point, but I am leaving for a 2 week vacation.. and in that time I think I am definitely going to do NC.
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