shadowplay Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 This is something I've always been curious about. There seems to be a fine line between affectionate and needy. So at one point does somebody cross the line from sweetly affectionate to over the top? I'd like to hear the male point of view but women are free to chip in as well.
Author shadowplay Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 :love:Do you mind if I chip in? Oops...I mean chime in. (It was a typo! I swear!)
Oregon Blackberry Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Needy is being demanding in some way. For example, demanding that a significant other show their love by calling every day at a certain time, or expecting them to rush right over when you are upset about breaking a nail....or calling them every 15 minutes demanding attention. I would say that when someone is insecure about their partner in a relationship, they become needy. Unfortunately being needy is the quickest way to lose a guy.
directx Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Needy is being demanding in some way. For example, demanding that a significant other show their love by calling every day at a certain time, or expecting them to rush right over when you are upset about breaking a nail....or calling them every 15 minutes demanding attention. I would say that when someone is insecure about their partner in a relationship, they become needy. Unfortunately being needy is the quickest way to lose a guy. Thats a pretty good definition Oregon Blackberry
Darkzen Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Needy is IMHO, basically that you lack something and demand/scheme for others to try to fulfill it in you. It has nothing to do with affection or sharing time TBH, it's about insecurities and selfishness.
Author shadowplay Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 Needy is IMHO, basically that you lack something and demand/scheme for others to try to fulfill it in you. It has nothing to do with affection or sharing time TBH, it's about insecurities and selfishness. Yeah but most guys would consider a girl who constantly tells him she loves him and calls him too often needy, even though those are technically signs of affection.
uniqueone Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Neediness (in general) is subjective. What one person may consider needy, another person may consider closeness. Beware the neediness label because there are men who will pin this label on you when you are nowhere near being needy. They pin this on you when you are asserting yourself and your needs. They pin this on you when you are seeing things in the guys behavior that just don't seem right. They pin this label on you when you are wanting closeness after physical intimacy. Don't fall for it. Make sure that you know what TRUE neediness is and true neediness is relying on someone else to complete you. The way you can tell if it's TRUE neediness is if just ANYONE could fulfill that role of completing you. True neediness is not specific to a person because it doesn't have to do with the other person. It has to do with oneself.
Darkzen Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Yeah but most guys would consider a girl who constantly tells him she loves him and calls him too often needy even though those are signs of affection. Affection is cool... too much of anything can be bad though. When someone is showing too much affection, I feel that they're over-compensation for something. You said it perfectly "too often", turns those signs of affection into being needy. Everyone is different, you have to adapt to the situation. Some guys may love all the attention, others may hate it. Some guys may even only like it in spurts, here and there. It's all about making your SO (hell anyone you care about), feel as comfortable as possible. Then hope that they return the favor.
Darkzen Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Neediness (in general) is subjective. What one person may consider needy, another person may consider closeness. Beware the neediness label because there are men who will pin this label on you when you are nowhere near being needy. They pin this on you when you are asserting yourself and your needs. They pin this on you when you are seeing things in the guys behavior that just don't seem right. They pin this label on you when you are wanting closeness after physical intimacy. Don't fall for it. Make sure that you know what TRUE neediness is and true neediness is relying on someone else to complete you. The way you can tell if it's TRUE neediness is if just ANYONE could fulfill that role of completing you. True neediness is not specific to a person because it doesn't have to do with the other person. It has to do with oneself. Wow... take a stance. Is it subjective or is there a "true neediness"? Everything is subjective, we could spend forever debating subjectivity. I agree with your definition of neediness though. You put it simply and got the point across. As for labels... we all use them and they mean nothing. You are or you aren't... labels don't make the person, the person makes the labels.
Author shadowplay Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 Don't fall for it. Make sure that you know what TRUE neediness is and true neediness is relying on someone else to complete you. The way you can tell if it's TRUE neediness is if just ANYONE could fulfill that role of completing you. True neediness is not specific to a person because it doesn't have to do with the other person. It has to do with oneself. Wow, I couldn't have put it better myself. One of my exes was very needy, and I hated it because I always felt completely interchangeable. His "love" for me didnt seem genuine because it had more to do with him and his dependency than the other person. And, yes, you're right that some guys will pin the needy label on women when they feel guilty about not being able to give back/deliver in a way a healthy person should.
uniqueone Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Wow... take a stance. Is it subjective or is there a "true neediness"? What actually IS neediness is TRUE neediness. What each person PERCEIVES as neediness is SUBJECTIVE.
Mary3 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 He will also pin * needi~ness * on you when he is getting ready to dump you. Hence : " She was just too needy so I dumped her " Some men think affection is the 2 minute prelude to getting your clothes off...They have no concept of just holding you and talking quietly into the night. They feel your touch and they get an instant erection when all you wanted was to be affectionate...( which I won't complain about being desired 2 times a day tho ) Some men are very very needy in an almost whiney sort of way. That to me is a total * turn~off*. So you can have totally cold guys , average guys and way over the top whiney baby guys. I prefer the man who grabs me and takes control in the bedroom. But I also prefer the man who knows how to hold me and just be able to talk and cuddle
Author shadowplay Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 They feel your touch and they get an instant erection when all you wanted was to be affectionate...( which I won't complain about being desired 2 times a day tho ) Some men are very very needy in an almost whiney sort of way. That to me is a total * turn~off*. So you can have totally cold guys , average guys and way over the top whiney baby guys. Ugh, I hate that and know exactly what you're talking about. And sometimes you think they're being just affectionate but then their caresses inevitably turn into something strictly sexual. In my experience the whiney baby guys can turn into the cold guys very quickly once they feel like you're being at all "needy."
jophil28 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Q. What is the most telling sign of a needy woman? A. Accusing the guy of being a "commitment phobe" . Maybe the hens and the manginas won't get this - but I bet the roosters do .
Trialbyfire Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 If the word or thought of needy is applied in your relationship, you're with the wrong person.
Author shadowplay Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 If the word or thought of needy is applied in your relationship, you're with the wrong person. that's probably true.
jophil28 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 If the word or thought of needy is applied in your relationship, you're with the wrong person. You need a hobby - where do you get these ridiculous conclusions ? Quit watching Oprah and go get a latta at the mall.
Mary3 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Q. What is the most telling sign of a needy woman? A. Accusing the guy of being a "commitment phobe" . Maybe the hens and the manginas won't get this - but I bet the roosters do . Signs of a needy woman : Calling you 13 times a day just to * talk * Making you * her world * and her very existance depends upon whether you are breathing or not.... Crying if you leave the room to go to the bathroom or just to get the heck away from her for 12 minutes....
Trialbyfire Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 You need a hobby - where do you get these ridiculous conclusions ? Quit watching Oprah and go get a latta at the mall. It's interesting that you know the contents of Oprah shows. Is there something you want to share with the rest of us? I don't watch TV, except for sports and documentaries...
lonelybird Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 needy = "I cannot live without you" and tears and nose water come out caring = "I cannot live without you" with a big smile and confidence
Trialbyfire Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 needy = "I cannot live without you" and tears and nose water come out caring = "I cannot live without you" with a big smile and confidence I'm going to amend that a bit because it gives me the heebie-jeebies: caring = "I want to live with you, in my life" with a big smile and confidence.
Mary3 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I'm going to amend that a bit because it gives me the heebie-jeebies: caring = "I want to live with you, in my life" with a big smile and confidence. And I want to amend that just a little further : " I am glad you are in my life and I want to make love *again* this afternoon "
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