Oregon Blackberry Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I hate when you go on a date someone and the guy talks so much, that it's all about HIS "fascinating" views and life experiences. Then YOU try to tell your OWN experience, and they interrupt you and try to 'one up' you with THEIR story and won't let you finish your own. That is how the last guy I had two dates with behaved conversationally, I should have not given him a second chance. NEXT.
Pentula77 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 here you go fellas...leave your egos at home when ur out with a new kitycat...
sofakingmad Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 oh ok. and the gals can bring their ego and sit it down next to them eh?
Author Oregon Blackberry Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 This really isn't a gender issue. It's really about...if you're on a date, actually listen to your date occasionally instead of spotlighting yourself and....conversationally feeling the need to "one up" the other person. This isn't only in dating, it drives me nuts when I can't finish a story or event that I am telling, only to be interrupted because someone grabs on to my thought and runs with their own story and mine is never heard out. Just a pet peeve of mine. I am very careful not to interrupt someone when they are telling something. It is just common courtesy, don't 'ya think? If you have something to add, or "one up," at least wait until they're done with their turn speaking. This guy was THAT bad. The only reason I started with the word "guys" is because, well, I only date guys. Sorry if this offended you, sofarking..... (not really.) LOL
sunshinegirl Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 heh heh - I went out with a guy like that. Twice. Silly me, I gave him a second chance because I thought maybe he talks when he's nervous. Turned out he just liked to talk. About himself. The funny thing is that on both dates he completely dominated conversation (and I was bored spitless)...and yet the next day, after both dates, he emailed me to say "that was fantastic! Let's go out again!" ...which reaffirmed to me how much people (in general) like to be heard, and tend to develop positive feelings toward those who listen to them...it almost doesn't matter who the listener is, or what their character, personality, values, or life experiences are: if they are good listeners, they tend to win points.
sofakingmad Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 This really isn't a gender issue. It's really about...if you're on a date, actually listen to your date occasionally instead of spotlighting yourself and....conversationally feeling the need to "one up" the other person. This isn't only in dating, it drives me nuts when I can't finish a story or event that I am telling, only to be interrupted because someone grabs on to my thought and runs with their own story and mine is never heard out. Just a pet peeve of mine. I am very careful not to interrupt someone when they are telling something. It is just common courtesy, don't 'ya think? If you have something to add, or "one up," at least wait until they're done with their turn speaking. This guy was THAT bad. The only reason I started with the word "guys" is because, well, I only date guys. Sorry if this offended you, sofarking..... (not really.) LOL haha nah i wasn't offended in the slightest. i'm a good listener and never try to one up. i was actually addressing pentula's remark.
Author Oregon Blackberry Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 Oh Ok, that's cool, because there are plenty of women who are like that, believe me. Honestly I have had to force myself to become a better listener and responder to others over the years myself. Also, I tend to run at the mouth and I have learned to just say what is necessary and still be funny/witty/get my point/story across without getting the "Oh I want to just walk away because I'm tired of listening to her" look. LOL
Author Oregon Blackberry Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 heh heh - I went out with a guy like that. Twice. Silly me, I gave him a second chance because I thought maybe he talks when he's nervous. Turned out he just liked to talk. About himself. The funny thing is that on both dates he completely dominated conversation (and I was bored spitless)...and yet the next day, after both dates, he emailed me to say "that was fantastic! Let's go out again!" ...which reaffirmed to me how much people (in general) like to be heard, and tend to develop positive feelings toward those who listen to them...it almost doesn't matter who the listener is, or what their character, personality, values, or life experiences are: if they are good listeners, they tend to win points. Maybe this is the same guy...do you live in Oregon? lol...This guy I pretty much stopped answering his calls...he even called and emailed when he went on a two week vacation to Cabo and I completely blew him off. When he returned he wanted to see me to "share with me all the interesting adventures of his trip to Cabo." When I didn't answer his calls, he wrote me an email stating "What's the deal? I really think you are great. I am disappointed you are not responding to my calls." That was the first time he had ever said anything about me or had a personal response to me in any way, when I was ignoring him because ALL of his talking on our two dates was always all about him. I totally agree with you about listeners.
ItIs Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 That's a pretty good example of how not to carry on a conversation on a date. The saying goes that people have 2 ears and 1 mouth, but it's not possible for 2 people to have a conversation in which both are doing 1/3 of the talking and 2/3 of the listening unless someone else is in on the conversation...
Ponzoli Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 It has much more to do with basic human kindness/respect. Since I don't date I can't really speak from any personal experience, BUT whenever I do speak to a woman, I mainly ask her about her interests and opinions. There is nothing more rude than for a man to completely dominate a conversation while out on a date. Basically, I guess, all he was looking for was a receptive audience to gasp in awe at his political views/wide ranging experiences, etc. before sleeping with him. Men can be such fools sometimes.
Trimmer Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 It has much more to do with basic human kindness/respect. I agree. When I'm talking casually with someone (man or woman), I listen first, then find something that interests me in what they say, then ask them more about that. It kinda serves two purposes - it keeps the conversation interesting (I hope for both of us...) and helps me to listen more than I might do otherwise... It's not really an intentional thing, it's just something that I noticed has evolved over time.
Sean0775 Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Honestly, I'd rather date someone who never quits talking than someone who won't hold up their end of the conversation. Last time that happened to me I ran out of things to talk about and had to resort to talking about work a lot. She said it wouldn't work because, "You're in love with your job". Rather than dealing with the headache of telling her my walls hold up a conversation better, I just said we should forget about it with no hard feelings. Someone I'm never going to see again is not worth the effort it takes to point out a flaw.
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