Star Gazer Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 When in a new relationship, when is it okay to be more "comfortable" with your appearance? Is it ever okay? By this, I do NOT mean letting yourself go, being sloppy, and generally not caring, but rather, not putting as much superficial effort into impressing the other person. For example, when I first start dating a guy, I try very hard to make sure my outfits are perfect, my hair is perfect, my makeup is perfect, my nails and toes are perfectly and recently done, my car is perfectly washed, my apartment is spotless, etc. I know that in a way this is putting up a facade, but hey, aren't we all on our best behavior and appearance in the beginning? I just want to make a good impression... So after that first, second, third, fourth, fifth, et al., impression is made, is it okay to have him come over while I'm in loungey clothes instead of my cute trendy outfit? Or to leave a few dishes in the sink? Or to forego the full-blown eye makeup for some simple mascara? If so...when does this become acceptable?
Saxis Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I'd be fine with it pretty early on - after a couple dates. Then again, I'm generally a simple man. Loungey clothes are usually sexy. A few dishes are fine.... I don't need a neat-freak! I generally like very little makeup, if any at all.
norajane Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Wow, you sure go to a lot of trouble. My best relationships have started and continued when there's a 'come as you are' kind of attitude, unless we're going out somewhere dressy or special. And my apartment is generally free of dirt, but not necessarily spotless... But my car? It's parked outside, so it can never be sparkling clean...and who cares anyway? I guess if you've had sex, then he's seen you without the perfect hair and make-up and you can feel free to ease up on the perfection. If you haven't had sex, if you're at the point where you're inviting him to come hang out at your house for the evening, you should feel comfortable dressing more comfy and not worry about a few dishes. If he only sees you when you're perfect, then he's probably going to start thinking you're really high maintenance...
Krytie TV Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Hey Star. My opinion is that the immaculate look is very much overrated. To me the difference between looking nice and looking perfect is almost negligible. Plus, the harder you try at the beginning, the harder the fall when you stop Anyhoo, I don't know how many men share my views, but I actually prefer the natural look to the cosmetic look. So to answer your question, I would actually welcome seeing you start to look comfortable as soon as possible. I would talk about the difference between comfortable and lazy, but I have no doubts that you know all about that and wouldn't let that happen. If I were you, I would tailor it more to the event than a timeframe. Going out to dinner at a nice place? Do your thing. Hanging out and watching a movie? The more comfortable you are the better. Going to a movie? Jeans and a shirt would be great. I'm sure you look good when you're not trying to look perfect, so I don't think you should even worry about it. Go comfortable if you feel like it. Wouldn't your advice to me be that if someone couldn't appreciate me in my natural state then they weren't worth my time?
Kamille Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I'm far from perfect so my approach is completely different. One day soon, I will clean my messy appartment, cook a fancy meal, dress up, put some make-up on and invite my honey over. He better be dazzled!
Road Rage Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Stargazer You don`t have to put yourself through all that you are doing. The ability to leave a little undone is a good thing. Makes you seem less uptight. And you are a gal that needs to chill a little. You got plenty going on, you just are not patient and move too fast. Geez....I hope this doesn`t put her into a hissy fit:o
oppath Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 SG, certainly, it's ok to let yourself go a little as soon as anything sexual has happened, and I'd say before. Plan a saturday afternoon date where you go to a park and throw a frisbee, then icecream. Walk around in jeans and a tshirt and even a baseball cap. Unless you are dating a guy who wants to see and be seen, always hitting up the fanciest restaurants and clubs (like the character in American Psycho), the guy is going to love you a little more unkempt.
squeak Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I don't have good advice here, I was raised by women/aunts/sisters who bragged that never in their entire marriage have the husbands seen any evidence of going to the bathroom. Seriously-this is a source of pride. And being seen in anything but glamour wear is akin to murder, or wearing a sign on your forehead that says" I gave up". Took years to undo. Still undoing.
Author Star Gazer Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 I knew that I explained myself poorly. With the exception of going out to a nice dinner, dancing, or theater, I don't get visibly done-up. My "perfect" look is much more in my head than something that actually looks made up, if that makes sense. My makeup is already very natural looking, my outfits are comfortable yet cute. Krytie, like you already suggested, I do tend to pair my effort with the event. So I'm not sure why I was even asking this question... I guess I'd just like to not have to worry so much about not being perfect. I keep worrying he's going to find out something he doesn't like...
Krytie TV Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I guess I'd just like to not have to worry so much about not being perfect. I keep worrying he's going to find out something he doesn't like... You're not going to be perfect to anyone (I say that with trepidation, but you get my meaning). Don't try so hard. You know you're great (if not a tad difficult) , act like it.
Author Star Gazer Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 You're not going to be perfect to anyone (I say that with trepidation, but you get my meaning). Don't try so hard. You know you're great (if not a tad difficult) , act like it. Thanks, Krytie. I know that, but I still doubt it on occasion, ya know. Ugh, sometimes really liking someone who actually really likes you back is...well...scary.
Krytie TV Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Wouldn't know. I've always struggled with the "like me back" part
spookie Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I used to wear makeup all the time. I used to have long hair that I "would straighten to perfection. I used to clean my apartment....jk. I never cleaned. But then a couple of months ago, I thought: who am I trying to impress? Not my friends. And I don't WANT the kind of relationship where I have to try too hard to be sexy/pretty. The less I have to try, the happier I'll be. So I decided to stop "fixing" myself altogether. I figured, the sooner guys realize what I really look like, the less surprises later on - and the more I can stun during special occasions. So now I don't wear makeup at all, unless I'm going somewhere really fancy AND I feel like it. Which works out really well because it's easier to have impromptu adventures when there's nothing to smear all over your face. And I cut my hair off way below my chin and I don't mess with it at all. I let it go wavy, something I never let happen before. My ex didn't even know I had wavy hair. And guy's interest....it's exactly the same. Maybe a little higher (I've been told I look "edgier" with the new cut). Honestly I don't think guys give a crap about that stuff. If you manage to look decent without any effort, I think THAT'S more points in your favor than perfection ever is.
oppath Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I guess I'd just like to not have to worry so much about not being perfect. I keep worrying he's going to find out something he doesn't like... He's going to find LOTS of things about you he doesn't like, but they will be DWARFED by the things about you that he finds amazing.
Author Star Gazer Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 He's going to find LOTS of things about you he doesn't like, but they will be DWARFED by the things about you that he finds amazing. Awwwwww.... You always know exactly the right thing to say!
shadowplay Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Maybe I'm neurotic but I keep my appearance in tip top shape for at least the first six months. (That said I don't wear a lot of makeup, and the makeup I do is very natural looking.) Then I'll loosen up a little, but never to the point of letting myself go.
johan Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Star Gazer, I know what you want to hear, but there's no way to get around it. You're going to have to keep bathing if you want this guy to stick around.
Author Star Gazer Posted October 19, 2007 Author Posted October 19, 2007 Star Gazer, I know what you want to hear, but there's no way to get around it. You're going to have to keep bathing if you want this guy to stick around. Damnit! I was hoping Eau de Star Gazer would win him over!
Cobra_X30 Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 I knew that I explained myself poorly. With the exception of going out to a nice dinner, dancing, or theater, I don't get visibly done-up. My "perfect" look is much more in my head than something that actually looks made up, if that makes sense. My makeup is already very natural looking, my outfits are comfortable yet cute. Krytie, like you already suggested, I do tend to pair my effort with the event. So I'm not sure why I was even asking this question... I guess I'd just like to not have to worry so much about not being perfect. I keep worrying he's going to find out something he doesn't like... I know exactly what your saying here! I'm not sure I ever stop trying to be perfect. I have to work my tail off! I doubt it takes that much effort for you to seem perfect!
Author Star Gazer Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 :lmao: :lmao: So I was just talking to the new boy, and he admitted that the other night he had farted in bed and made it stink in the room really, really badly. He was so mortified and embarrassed, he checked to see if I was asleep. Apparently that was the one hour where I was able to sleep!! But now we joke that his toots are what's keeping me up at night. I'm hoping this is a good comfort level, and not getting too comfortable? While I'm more comfortable being more myself around him, I don't think I will be sharing my bodily functions with him...
oppath Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Is he a doctor or dentist? Maybe he gasses you to sleep
Author Star Gazer Posted October 22, 2007 Author Posted October 22, 2007 Is he a doctor or dentist? Maybe he gasses you to sleep Nope! But it's funny, because I thought I hadn't been sleeping...but he assured me that I have been, because I certainly would have noticed his...um...toots.
avduo Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 Lol, well once you are laughing about bodily functions, I'm pretty sure you are too comfortable.. which is only too much I guess if things go sour. Anyway, I prefer the low maintained girl as well. Girls who take too much time in their appearance are 1. usually a horror show without the extra work, and 2. usually LOW maintained in many other aspects of their life. Kidding mostly, but I know what you are talking about Star. I'll certainly pick up a little before my girlfriend comes over, but I'm a clean person anyway, so chances are I would be doing it anyway - I just have a prompt. The problem is though, if you are really wondering when you can tone it down - it only means you were putting too much effort in to begin with. Just relax, I'm sure he doesn't even care. Of course I'm not going to lie, a clean place w/ no dishes in the sink says a lot about a woman! And it's all good! (footnote: I was engaged to a complete and utter slob)
sb129 Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 He's going to find LOTS of things about you he doesn't like, but they will be DWARFED by the things about you that he finds amazing. Awww. That was really sweet. Star Gazer, I know what you want to hear, but there's no way to get around it. You're going to have to keep bathing if you want this guy to stick around. Yup. AND put your dentures in.
Lostgurl Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 If he's tooting around you, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be mortified if toned down your "immaculate" look. (you must be exhausted after dates )
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