After 2 weeks, he called, and I answered.

[kidj]

Just a quick update and a plea for a little advice. So I broke NC for the first time since the break up 2 weeks ago. He called, I answered. Felt fine the whole time, we talked for about an hour, first neutral stuff, then things got a little more serious, with us both giving our opinions on what worked and what didn't, here or there we tossed an objection about the other's reasoning, but the whole time I stayed strong. In the end, he's the one that sounded like he felt like crap, which honestly, I didn't plan on. After one long burst of convo from my end about moving on, the future, about our past, etc, he got very quiet, I asked him if he was okay, and all he had for me was "Yeah Jeff, I'm just okay." This is the guy that broke it off, it wasn't me. We wrapped it up cuz it was late, he said it was good to hear my voice again, and said goodnight. I'm not sure if speaking with me planted a seed of doubt in his mind or what, and I guess I really don't care. But deep down, I must, because this morning I felt like total crap. Cuts like a knife not knowing if that was our last talk or what, if whether or not it drove him away, etc.... he wants to stay my friend, but probably just to keep me around in case he gets bored or figures out he made a mistake. So I begin the NC once more, a little smarter this time. Next time I cannot answer the phone so quickly. This pain's not worth it.

[Blurple]

Yes thank you... you need to understand that braking the NC will only make you hurt more. Honestly I think he is checking to see if you are still an option. He also might be feeling guilty. The only time you are ready to talk to him is if and when he tries to come back. However it is very important to use this time of NC to get over him and heal your emotional wounds. This way if and when he does try coming back you will be able to make a better decison. Sounds like you know what you are doing. I understand how the emotions out weight rational thinking. Follow your plan and not your emotions at this point.

 

Make him wonder about you!!

 

 

Please take this advise. "Never make someone a priority in your life who only sees you as an option"

[kidj]

Thanks for the friendly ass kicking! I think it feels good for a lot of us just to get stuff out of our minds on this board, it's a kind of mental release to put your thoughts and fears into writing. So if my post sounds like a rant, that's probably exactly what it was. Consciously I think he does want to be my friend, but is being selfish for expecting me to use him as a way to get over this as he is using me. Subconsciously I think he is easing guilt and keeping me on this radar because he's not 100% sure he did the right thing. It's up to him now. I'm on my second day of NC and have found a little peace knowing that I have no other option than to move on at this point. Thanks for the good words, though. And your quote at the end about priorities basically sums it up. It's Friday, and I think weekends are hardest for me because those were our best days. You can't help but wonder what he's doing with his Friday night. And with Sweetest Day coming up on Saturday, well, that just kind of sucks. Stupid Hallmark holidays! Just another day for the broken hearts club!

[starlite]

Keep your head up! Breaking NC really starts things over, huh?

 

I am the same way with weekends...I do have plans, but one of the nights I am going somewhere where I fear he could be. I havent heard he will be there, nor does he go there often but man will that kill the night a bit. (it's an 80's party).

 

Just stay busy! Focus on you. It sounds like he called to like, keep you thinking about him.

[kidj]

I havent heard a word from him since Tuesday. Our last conversation was initiated by him, started neutral, then traveled into some murky relationshippy type waters. But I stayed strong and when we hung up, he sounded weird. I'm giving this guy his space, working on getting on with own life, but yeah, I still hold a small bit of hope he'll realize what he did and call me outta the blue one day.

 

background: dated 4 months (I realize this is not THAT long, but it everything was truly great and it was very healthy <sexually, emotionally, etc>, he treated me like a king, it was fun, and happy and blah blah blah. About 3 weeks ago, he went home to visit family and friends, and within 48 hours, came back a different person. Broke it off saying he was "unhappy in his life", "I dont think is gonna work", etc. So. Totally didnt see it coming and still very confused but thats all beyond me now. Even when we talked on Tuesday, he made mention that "well maybe in a few months, you never know, I might see things differently", whatever. I didn't press him about much, didnt beg for him back, was actually very nice to the guy and wished him the best. Then he started to sound weird so I wrapped it up. And here I am.

 

But NC truly sucks. I get these urges to just pick up the phone and interrogate the hell out of him, make him understand what a mistake he's making. Not to get him back, necessarily, but to make him turn around and look back at what we had. Seriously, it was all so good. Can he really just make himself forget all the fun we had? The future we were moving towards? He told me on the phone that every decision he made with me was for the long term, that every emotion he felt for me was real. He's a very relationshippy type of guy, which is hard to find in the gay world, so that makes me even sadder because we were on the same page. But apparently that isn't enough in the end. Maybe too good to be true, I guess.

 

I'm the dumpee so it's natural that I'm the one sitting at home on a Friday night moping in front of cable or MySpace because my freakin heart is broken. But when I see that he's on MySpace until like 1 AM Saturday morning, well that's just insulting. It's my ego talking, but you broke up with me so that you could sit at home on a Friday night flirting with dudes on MySpace? Ouch. And yes, I know I need to give the MySpace thing a rest. So yeah, I'm pathetic God, what has this guy done to me? I've never felt this cruddy after the end of a relationship.... love is a b!tch. It can take you to heaven or hell, but usually both.

 

Anyway, thanks for your words people. This board has been really helpful in getting through all this. The emotions and pain we all have to navigate after a break up is not something you can do alone.

 

J

[kidj]

I'm sorry, I just need to vent somewhere. I'm so effing angry and hurt right now. I knew it was inevitable, and it's been three weeks since we broke up, today marks one week of complete NC and I just found out he's already back to hooking up with some dude he used to hook up with now and then before we dated. All I see is red. I feel like such an effing fool to sit here and be sad and subconsciously pine for him to come back and then to hear about this. I really thought he was a decent guy. He was nothing but amazing to me when we were together. I still love him. This is just so *****ty for me to hear. THIS SUCKS SO MUCH. Anger, hurt, jealousy, hopelessness, a huge slap in the face from reality.. I'm sitting here crying because of all these things. I have this urge to text him and tell him to eff off, eff the "friendship" (he wanted to stay friends), eff him for coming into my life when I was fine being by myself, chasing me, winning me over, and then dumping me to go hook up with this rando guy in a way that he'd make sure the news got back to me. (it was a mutual friend who told me) But I won't. I won't even act like it bugs me. But I'm done giving a ***** about what hes doing, if he's thinking about me, if deep down he still thinks he made a mistake... because obviously he is doing none of these things. SO. DAMN. ANGRY. I hate feeling like this, like a joke, some fool in love with a memory. I was actually feeling a lot better over the course of the last 7 days, the NC really IS working. But then this.

 

*****ty.

[birdie]

sorry if I misunderstood but you didn't get back together, did you? the two of you talked and there have been some connection but nothing more, right?

 

he is your ex now, he doesn't owe you anything and he has the right to move on. I'm sorry I know it's not what you want to hear but I want to put it in perspective for you.

[kidj]

No, we didn't get back together. And yeah I realize he's free to do whatever. That was more or less of a venting session for me because he's moved on so easily to this other guy while I sat here pathetically thinking there might have been some hope.

[birdie]

it's not pathetic. it's just that people deal with this stuff differently. it could be you hooking up with someone next month and him sitting around upset. you never know, the important thing is to do what feels right for YOU