EX is playing a show with mutual friends I want to support. Do I go?

[carolinaboy]

My ex and I broke up 3 mos. ago after 2 1/2 years. The last year we were together we lived in a house that hosted punk shows, art shows etc.

 

Since she broke up with me, she kind of got to take our mutual friends (we lived in a big house and when she moved out, our 3 other roommates moved w/ her to a new town).

 

We all played music together and the basis of my question is this.

 

Next week all of my old roommates and a band that played our house are playing a show at a club that is very small.....

 

I miss my friends and want to support them, I feel weird about having isolated myself from them, but it was just too close to home. I still have slight feelings for my ex (she left me while getting involved w/ our sublet roommate, who is friends with all my friends) but I want to support the rest of my friends. I want to put my self ego away for a night. We have been NC (at my request, she has called and asked for friendship and came by my work) for 2 mos.

 

I know I'll have to talk, see, hang around her to get any time with my friends.

 

I'm conflicted. I know that her and I arent going to get back together, so things like this I will have to conquer at some point.

 

I want to know the best adult way to handle this. Sometimes my hesitation/feelings seem valid, sometimes they seem childish.

 

FYI: For better or worse, my ex is a non responsive, non emotional type. one of the things that has hurt me regarding her post break is that once she got with this guy she acted like I couldnt hug her, act at all like I we shared intimate knowledge of each other, basically acted brainwashed about the last 3 years and just wanted to be chummy. I'm sure that's standard. I may be able to use this to my advantage to avoid serious emotional talk. I still dont think I could handle her as a "buddy buddy." Not now anyways.

[melodymatters]

Well, Carolina boy, sounds like you WANT to go so :

 

 

Go with friends or even A friend. Treat everyone the same, the old roomies, the ex, give everyone a hug and say great to see ya, and don't act any differently around the ex Gf than any of your other friends.

[niceguy27]

Go. You want to and your friends are there. Bring a "girl" friend of yours or something and just have fun.

[blon_dee]

I agree with niceguy.... Take another girl along with you and just enjoy the time with your friends. Be polite to her, say hi, but thats it.. Just my two cents.. Good luck

[carolinaboy]

if i bring a "girl" friend I would feel like I was trying to make a weird "i've moved on" statement to my ex, which is by all means fine. I just got to pick a good friend.

 

if she starts to carry on with me and it's uncomfortable, what's the best way to diffuse the situation?

 

i really want to go, i think i need it.

 

i just got to express that this club is out of town, 30 mins away and it is TINY. Every place I could move around to in the club, she would be 5-10 ft away,always in the line of sight. she's been really keen to be "friends" and a lot of the people on here say that that is out of guilt and that she wants to feel better about how stuff ended. I dont feel good about how stuff ended, I think she's a wonderful person but she hurt me. I want the ability to say hey, come watch the show and leave.

 

not trying to make too much of a deal about this, but this isnt a casual ex run in. this is me going out of my way to be in her presence at her show.

 

if i bring a friend for support, i know that is good, but i dont want to drag em down if I get mopey. jeez, these situations when you break up is weird. it's like there are two yous, the one who wants nothing this minor to bother them and then the one that makes everything seem really dire and intense, despite your best wishes.

 

can anyone tell me what they make of this/share their similar ex run in stories?