gkaplan000 Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 My wife started going out on thursday nights with her parents neighbor. He is 45 and she is 21. They have known each other for about 10 years. She says that he is more like a brother to her and that he makes sure no one gets close to her when they are out. They usually go to a club where we are friends with the DJ's..I am also friends with this guy and he seems harmless but.......a man is a man and I know how we operate. She does talk to him a couple of times a week on the phone. I ask her if she is attracted to him and her answer is GROSS he is twice my age and i have known him forever. I am thinking to much into this???
wwjd Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 well, i think it's possible for a guy and a girl to be just friends, however, the behavior of your wife is rather fishy. i read your other thread and that situation added with this new one doesn't seem right. for one, while it's understandable that she would be "friends" with the neighbor of her parents, if he is a family friend, i don't understand why she has "started" going out with him on specified nights. do you know why she suddenly has begun to go out with him? also, why do you not go with them? are you not invited? further, i honestly don't know that a 21 and 45 year old have much in common, so i can't really see a close-knit friendship, unless they have been close friends from a long time ago, and due to outside circumstances (like her friends having him over because he is their friend, for example). while this does sound like your wife's case, it does seem odd to me that they go out to clubs. the way i see it, he would have formed a "daughterly" bond with her, if anything, and were they to go out, a coffee place or something similar sounds more appropriate and befitting. but even if that is all well and good, the real thing that is perplexing is why you don't join them. if you are not invited to these outings, then i think you'd have a right to be suspicious.
Author gkaplan000 Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 well, i think it's possible for a guy and a girl to be just friends, however, the behavior of your wife is rather fishy. i read your other thread and that situation added with this new one doesn't seem right. for one, while it's understandable that she would be "friends" with the neighbor of her parents, if he is a family friend, i don't understand why she has "started" going out with him on specified nights. do you know why she suddenly has begun to go out with him? also, why do you not go with them? are you not invited? further, i honestly don't know that a 21 and 45 year old have much in common, so i can't really see a close-knit friendship, unless they have been close friends from a long time ago, and due to outside circumstances (like her friends having him over because he is their friend, for example). while this does sound like your wife's case, it does seem odd to me that they go out to clubs. the way i see it, he would have formed a "daughterly" bond with her, if anything, and were they to go out, a coffee place or something similar sounds more appropriate and befitting. but even if that is all well and good, the real thing that is perplexing is why you don't join them. if you are not invited to these outings, then i think you'd have a right to be suspicious. i go out with my wife and everyone on saturday's...i agreed a while ago that she can have thursday nights to go out and i will stay home with our son. my wife is a stay at home mom so it is a good break for her. she likes going out on thursday's because our friends are dj's at two of the local clubs.. so she gets in and drinks for free. she started going out with him because he is always down there on thursday nights. I have hung out with the both of them at the same time and there are no funny looks or weird anything between the two of them
carolinaboy Posted October 18, 2007 Posted October 18, 2007 does the guy have charisma? is he a sociable guy who is known as a player in your local club/music scene? that would make me worry a bit. cos this kind of thing has happened to me and the best bet is to not worry about it, or push it. it would be different if he were some random, but he's a family friend your wife has known forever. if there were anything going on, it would be obvious. dont push her away with jealous questions. trust me, it just creates a wedge of resentment. sounds to me like he's an older guy who needs cool younger people to keep him in the know about whats fun to do. help the aged, ya know?
Author gkaplan000 Posted October 18, 2007 Author Posted October 18, 2007 does the guy have charisma? is he a sociable guy who is known as a player in your local club/music scene? that would make me worry a bit. cos this kind of thing has happened to me and the best bet is to not worry about it, or push it. it would be different if he were some random, but he's a family friend your wife has known forever. if there were anything going on, it would be obvious. dont push her away with jealous questions. trust me, it just creates a wedge of resentment. sounds to me like he's an older guy who needs cool younger people to keep him in the know about whats fun to do. help the aged, ya know? thanks...he is a bit of a womanizer but he only likes women over the age of 30 and that are ethnic..my wife is a white as they come....i dont really see him as threat at all, but it is tough to trust her after what happened to us in june...i don;t know if you saw my other thread. i am very defensive now about our marriage.. i dont want any esle to happen to us
MonroeVonOh Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Did your wife , while growing up , have a father ? I know that in my case since I gre up without one , I would always find myself being friends ... and just friends .. with older men. And when it comes to asking your wife if she thinks this man is attractive, she may be telling the truth when she says " gross" . A girl who turns into a women without having a father in her life , will soon go and seek some sort of a father figure. So, she could be telling the truth.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 30, 2007 Posted October 30, 2007 My wife started going out on thursday nights with her parents neighbor. He is 45 and she is 21. They have known each other for about 10 years. She says that he is more like a brother to her and that he makes sure no one gets close to her when they are out. They usually go to a club where we are friends with the DJ's..I am also friends with this guy and he seems harmless but.......a man is a man and I know how we operate. She does talk to him a couple of times a week on the phone. I ask her if she is attracted to him and her answer is GROSS he is twice my age and i have known him forever. I am thinking to much into this??? What would you have been writing back when he was 35 and she was 11 ? I'm guessing that sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee is not out-of-bounds when interacting with him in the present, but I can't entirely gauge his inspirations. It would be nice to know all of the answers, but in this case you can probably live your life without needing to know. Perhaps your uneasiness with the situation will undo your relationship before he does. So probably best not to worry about it now.
WaterTiger Posted November 1, 2007 Posted November 1, 2007 He's probably using her for bait. Yes, BAIT! Seeing a youngster with a mature man, drives mature women batty. They come over and try to prove they have what the young chickies have. Your wife's friend collects phone numbers and takes them out on the weekends.
sweetem Posted November 2, 2007 Posted November 2, 2007 My wife started going out on thursday nights with her parents neighbor. He is 45 and she is 21. They have known each other for about 10 years. She says that he is more like a brother to her and that he makes sure no one gets close to her when they are out. They usually go to a club where we are friends with the DJ's..I am also friends with this guy and he seems harmless but.......a man is a man and I know how we operate. She does talk to him a couple of times a week on the phone. I ask her if she is attracted to him and her answer is GROSS he is twice my age and i have known him forever. I am thinking to much into this??? Being a woman that was once friends with more guys than girls, BY FAR, before I got engaged, I can honestly say that guys and girls cannot be platonic friends. I believe that your g/f may have full innocent intentions with this man. But like you said, the fact is, he is still a man. And whether she sees him "that way" or not, do you really think if she was like "hey neighbor! lets hook up!" that he wouldnt? I think you also need to take a look at her being on the phone with this guy several times a week. She doesnt have to be having sex with him to cheat. She may not even realize that shes doing it, and she should be treating you like she wants to be treated. Can you imagine how freaked she would be if she watched you go out with another girl, and call her, but claim to be just friends? exactly.
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